[Kaneo]

All right, I'm new to this site and hopefully looking for some helpful insight.

I'm only young (21), I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now. I first met her 3 years ago through a friend (she was my friends cousin), since getting to know her I know she's a extremely honest person so I don't doubt what she says, and I know she's loyal. Saying that her ex recently tried contacting her, apparently he was saying how he missed her etc, and he was coming to visit her (live out of state). She told me all of this, at the time I didn't think to ask if she was going to see him, although I did ask her how this made her feel (upset obviously). A few days later after sleeping on it I said I'd like to know what's happening for this to work, e.g. if he's coming to visit and if you're going to see him. I then maybe went a bit far as to saying "If I'm left in the dark I feel as if I might feel strung along. I don't want to be lead on."

Obviously she didn't take too it kindly, it was our first "argument". I understand I probably went too far at the end, allowing a bit of an insecurity to shine. I appologised later the next day, and since then I'm lucky to get a text from her.

She recently started two new jobs, a part time job working 20 hours a week, and a modeling contract (few hours a week). I'll be blunt and basic, she's told me she chose me over her ex, which is why she's upset. The insecurity of me asking brought up red flags. Nervous about the shoot. And here's a big one, recently her father was in hospital under suspicions of Bone Marrow Cancer.

I'm just trying to get a full understanding of the situation, she told me she "likes me like crazy", but apart of her doesn't want to get hurt. So maybe we should take a step back, her photographer said she won't have time for anyone but her. She then said she doesn't want to be in a relationship that gives her more grief. I know she's stuck between getting into the relationship or leaving it.

I started a normal conversation with her tonight (first decent one in 5 days), I ended it with "I'll let you spend time with your family, have a good night tomorrow sounds like you need to unwind. I'm meant to be visitng her on the 22nd of this month, since I live about 12 hours away now, I asked her to let me know what we were and if she still wanted to see me."

I now plan on just leaving it, if she gets back to me I figure cool least that'll bring a means to an end or start something worth while.

I'd just like peoples opinions on how I could have handled it better, and what there thoughts are on how she's feeling.

[I wish]

In the early stages of a relationshp and especially for long distance, you have to keep things positive. Anything there is uncertainty thrown into the relationship, it's very difficult to solve, because since it's still early you don't know each other well enough to handle tough problems. And you're long distance, so you can't even have face to face conversations.

But what's done is done. Going forward, you have to keep things positive while you're building this relationship. Continue to get to know each other better and enjoy your time with each other. If you're going to commit to a relationship, then trust each other, don't second guess her because of her ex.

She does seem quite busy with her life, but if she wanted someone part of her life, she will make time for that person. At the moment, there's a lot of tension in the relationship, so it's going to take some work to repair the damage, but you'll have to wait until you're face to face to really work on things.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't see why she got all upset about that question. You don't know unless you ask. All she had to do was say, there is nothing to it. The way she reacted was a bit over the top to me. I mean hooking back up with the ex is so common it's not funny.
Give her space , take it slow, you have only been dating 4 months which is no time at all. This is a long distant thing, just keep it light. Don't get so wrapped up in this you lose perspective.

[Kaneo]

Post edited

In the early stages of a relationshp and especially for long distance, you have to keep things positive. Anything there is uncertainty thrown into the relationship, it's very difficult to solve, because since it's still early you don't know each other well enough to handle tough problems. And you're long distance, so you can't even have face to face conversations.

Thanks for that adivce, from what I've experienced so far it seems to be true.

She does seem quite busy with her life, but if she wanted someone part of her life, she will make time for that person. At the moment, there's a lot of tension in the relationship, so it's going to take some work to repair the damage, but you'll have to wait until you're face to face to really work on things.

Yeah, I know. I wish I had the luxury of living closer. But it's something I've been trying to work around.

I don't see why she got all upset about that question. You don't know unless you ask. All she had do do was say, there is nothing to it. The way she reacted was a bit over the top to me. I mean hooking back up with the ex is so common it's not funny.

I wasn't sure if she took it as an attack, I didn't mean it like that but yeah. Like "I_Wish" said, what's done is done.

Give her space , take it slow, you have only been dating 4 months which is no time at all. This is a long distant thing, just keep it light. Don't get so wrapped up in this you lose perspective.

Thanks I'll try my best!

Let you know what happens.

One more thing, I've left the ball in her court. Is it best to keep it that way, and not start conversation until she decides she wants it? Or shall I keep showing interest?

[Homegirl 50]

Leave the ball in her court.

[Kaneo]

Leave the ball in her court.

All right, thanks for the advice. I've seen you guys giving great tips, you do an awesome job!

[Homegirl 50]

Thanks.
I wish you well. Good luck

[I wish]

Definitely leave the ball on her side of the court, cause it seems like you've said what you wanted to say. If you do look for her, keep things casual, as in only asking her how she's doing and wishing her well. No need to bring up this topic again until you see her in person.

[Kaneo]

Depends if we will speak in person, wouldn't even talk over the phone. Only time will tell anyway :) cheers guys

[Kaneo]

Okay so here's an update of today's news in case anyone wanted too know!

I text her this morning and in short I said I can't wait around with nothing to go on, I brang up the fact about how little conversation we've had and how it seems previously I was a priority but now I'm an option (not on!). I told her I understood she has a lot going on in her life but if she did want this to work she'd be able to make time (which I think is fair, I'm not asking for days. Just an hour or so here and there).

I was welcomed with the longest reply in the past week lol, she went on to say how the last couple of weeks have been full on. She then said maybe if we'd met months down the track when things had settled down that maybe she could have balanced it properly. She said she regrets nothing, and it upsets her that it's like this since I've treated her so well and all that. She said that hopefully one day down the track we could meet again and start something, she said she'd like to stay friends etc. She then appologised she could find the time, and said she'd failed.

We sent a few more texts back and forth, but this is what it came too.

My last message to her pretty said that I'm going to need time to take all of this in, for now I'm going to need space so that I can move on. I said unless you can find the time and things can change I'd like for us to lose contact until I know I can deal with talking to you properly. I said it was nothing personal but the way things are I can't continue to have conversations with her whilst feeling like this. I then wished her all the best etc.

She replied with "I value you and your strength. I am upset, but I understand why you have to do this... you're an amazing guy, and I'm a call away if you need to talk.

So begins the process of recovery! Day one of NC, thank you everyone for your advice! I really do appreciate it that you took the time out of your days to answer my questions.

[Kaneo]

Edit: Wish thread title could be adjusted :P

[Homegirl 50]

We wish you well.
Good luck in your recovery and we're here when things get rough.