[upset woman]

I have been with my partner now for 12 years, I am now 32 and he is 52 when we first met I was 21 and he 41 things were fantastic between us we traveled, owned a business had fun and even now we don't argue or fall out

He has 3 children from a previous marriage and they are all grown up and they started having children of their own, so he is now a grandad of 4.

We have a really loving relationship, and I know he adores me, however since hitting my 30's I have been thinking about starting a family of my own, trouble is he had a vasectomy 24 years ago and does not like the idea of having any more children, I have spoken to him and told him this is what I want, he has said he would do anything to keep me and would look at reversals if it means we get to be together. I don' think that this is fair of me to make him do that, I mean when he is 60 he could possibly have a 2-3 year old child when he should be looking at taking it easy.

Also sex between us has almost stopped, not through want of trying on my part but he has a bad job and put's it down to stress, but that makes me feel awful and unwanted, is this something that will get better or is that his age showing!

My question is, should I leave and try meet someone else who wants to settle down have kids and grown old together, should I stay and make him happy but miserable, what should I do ?

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know what you mean by "make him happy but miserable."

If this relationship is not what you want in the long run, then you need to leave. Persuading someone to have children they aren't sure about or just plain don't want never works out.

The only way to know why sex has slowed down is for him to have a physical and ask his Doctor. I could be age, stress, worrying about pregnancy (I know he's had the surgery), illness or anything in between.

I agree - I wouldn't want to start a new family at his age.

I don't think there's much of a choice here - if it's important to you to have your own family you need to leave.

Reversals don't necessarily work - and it's a painful procedure. To undergo the procedure AND have a child to make you happy might be something he later regrets.

Why is he your partner and not your husband after 20 years? I am always concerned about widow's benefits because bad things can happen to your partner at any age and you will be eligible for nothing.