[puzzled04]

I have this friend of mine who is about 4 years younger to me.Earlier when he showed interest in me I told him that it was an infatuation and this will fade away with time.

However, it hasn't in fact his feelings has grown more stronger he has changed himself a lot for good (quit smoking, more attentive and scheduled, become closer to his family etc) and according to him I am THE REASON that he is changing for good and he wants to marry me.Says had he currently had a job he would have asked my parents for my hand right way... I am already working, he is a student and is concentrating much harder on his studies so that he lands on a good job once he passes out of college or via campus placements around Feb - March next year.

He knows the fact that I do not have too much of time at my disposal and that my parents are actively looking for good proposals.He does not force me for a commitment or things like that but has committed himself to me with out my asking it. He says that love happens and you can not make it happen, he could not help falling for me but all he wants is my happiness and he will love me all his life irrespective of my getting married to him or not.

I some times feel that I must stop talking to him altogether as every day he is drawn more closer to me despite of the fact we stay in two different cities... but I can not stop talking to him and he also wants me to at least talk to him and I can stop it if I wish in case I am fixed somewhere else... He is an obedient son, loyal friend and a caring and loving brother and I am sure he will make the best husband too. Some times while talking he is suddenly lost in thoughts and when questioned replied he never wants this to end and the dream of being together can become a reality if I support him as he can fight with me, with out me he can not be anything.

I too like him a lot rather love him a lot. He is the very kind of person I would want to spend my life with he is kind, gentle, respecting, caring, loving, loyal. He makes me laugh if I am low and even cries when I am in pain... he understands me well and I can share my heart out to him I feel no one would ever love me as much as him. I too want to marry him but considering the age gap I am holding myself back. My heart and mind believe what he says, but where my heart tells me to wait for him as love sees no age my mind opposes it.

Though in my family there is a couple where the wife is much elder to the man and my parents say that it is not an issue for them too as a couple of years down does not matter, am really not sure if they would agree. Though he feels that his folks should not have an issue as they too have supported such proposals in the past within their family / friends circle.


WHAT DO I DO?

[Boe]

You just Wait and think real hard before you make a decision

[puzzled04]

I have this friend of mine who is about 4 years younger to me. Earlier when he showed interest in me I told him that it was an infatuation and this will fade away with time.

However, it hasn't in fact his feelings has grown stronger, he has changed himself and certain habits for good (quit smoking, more sincere, attentive and scheduled, become closer to his family etc) and according to him I am THE REASON for this.He says I am his inspiration and more then just a friend. He wants to marry me, had he currently had a job he would have asked my parents for my hand right away.He is a student and is concentrating much harder on his studies so that he lands on a good job once he passes out of college or via campus placements around Feb - March next year. I am already working.

He knows the fact that I do not have too much of time at my disposal and my parents are actively looking for good proposals. He does not force me for a commitment or things like that but has committed himself to me with out my asking for it. He says that love happens and you can not make it happen, he could not help falling for me but all he wants is my happiness and he will love me all his life irrespective of my getting married to him or not and I will always be HIS in his heart as love does not need physical closeness. I feel blessed for having him in my life and feel blessed for receiving such form of love… loving me for what I am the way I am.

He is the very kind of person I would want to spend my life with -he is kind, gentle, respecting, caring, loving, loyal. He is not only extremely good looking but also an extremely good person. An obedient son / grand son, loyal friend, a caring and loving brother and am sure he will make the best husband too. Some times while talking he is suddenly lost in thoughts and when questioned, replies that he never wants this to end and the dream of being together can become a reality if I support him as he can fight the world if I am with him, with out me he can not do anything nor can be any better a person. He wants to spend each moment of his life with me, yet he will never force me to commit to him nor wants me to ask him to get over me or forget me. He makes me laugh if I am low and even cries when I am in pain! He understands me well and I can share my heart out to him I feel no one would ever love me as much as he does!

I too love him and want to marry him but considering the age gap I am holding myself back. My heart and mind believe what he says, but where my heart tells me to wait for him as love sees no age, my mind opposes it telling me it could simply be an infatuation. I some times feel that I must stop talking to him altogether as every day he is drawn more closer to me despite of the fact we stay in two different cities... but I feel incomplete if I do not speak to him and he also wants me to at least talk to him though I can stop it, if I wish, once I am engaged or married to some one else.

Though in my family there is a couple where the wife is much elder to the man and my parents say that it is not an issue for them too as a couple of years down does not matter, am really not sure if they would ever agree to this. He also feels that his folks should not have an issue as they too have supported such proposal in the past within their family / friends circle. Still I strongly feel that it will not be as easy as it seems , I know that love is not easy.

He has a long way to go and hence right now all I want him to do is concentrate on his studies and make a good career for himself. Rest I have left it on destiny – don't know if I am being a coward and lack courage to hold his hand or am being sensible enough … I really don't know.

What should I do?

[ordinaryguy]

I take it you're mid-twenties and your suitor is early twenties, is that about right? If the age difference is your only concern, forget about it.

If it were me, I'd be more worried about being smothered by all his devoted attentions, but thankfully, you're not me. If you love him as much as he loves you, don't let a 4-year age difference affect your decision at all. It gets less and less significant as the years pile up.

[shygrneyzs]

While his affection and attention sounds sweet, what concerns me is that he has bonded himself to you without any encouragement from you. How does he really know he loves you? You have not reciprocated the same. I have a caution about him saying he cannot be anything without you - without you he cannot function. That is putting the onus on you and that sounds like a fixation. I know people who are in love say things like that, "I can't live without you in my life". But they can live and they can function.

I think you are being sensible by wanting to see him complete his studies and get a start on life. That might be two years from now and you would want to see how he does. Those two years of added maturity are not going to do any harm either.

Proceed with caution. There are behaviors here that can turn from the sweet to the sourt. I do not know how much longer this friend of yours will hold his affections out before he will get frustrated and ask for more from you. I do not know if he is the long suffering kind of person that will wait forever, and do it patiently.

It is not the age difference that is such a worry. It is something else here in the background. Personally I would not want someone to make all his accomplishments based on his feelings for me - I would hope he would pursue his academics, his work, etc. for himself, for his own betterment. I guess I say that because I have known people who have done that and when they are broken hearted it comes back, "look at what all I did for you". Trying to make the other person responsible for their feelings. May that not happen with you and your friend.

Just be careful.

[puzzled04]

Thank you both for your replies.

@ Ordinary guy yes your are right about the age...

@ shygrneyzs

I have told him that he should not do this just for me but for himself and his family but yes am glad to see him perform better and becoming more goal conscious. His answer remains that he isn't asking anything from me and he is responsible for his feelings and actions.He also agrees that life will move on and once I am married he might marry someone else down the line but I would still be that special one in his life... the first one. I really love him but want him to settle down first. Rest Destiny.I will be careful.

Once again both of you thank you for your answers... Stay Blessed !