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blueheart77 · Jun 20, 2012, 04:07 PM

Okay, this is a little bit dumb, but I would like to hear some opinions.

A few days ago I suddenly found myself attracted to a co-worker who's in another department down the hall. I would smile and say hello whenever we passed. My smiles were warm and I extended the eye contact for a second or two. He seemed to reciprocate the same vibe I put out. We haven't actually conversed, just a bunch of hey how are you's... but, it was mostly about the look, the vibe, my smile, and the mutual extra eye contact.I assumed he was into it. I'm in my mid 30's, he looks 40-ish give or take, bottom line we're adults... not like flirting with a 20 something year old guy, I guess. So I figure no rush, he'll make his move soon and we'll talk.

A couple of days pass (he was off), I get to work this morning and on my way down to my department I have to pass his door. He's standing in the doorway like the morning welcoming committee and at that time another co worker happened to be walking a few feet in front me. He sees her first and says hi (which is fine)
And while he's saying hi to her I'm looking right at him prepping a nice smile waiting for his eyes to meet mine (this all took about 3 seconds)... howEVER, as soon as I see he noticed I was behind her he suddenly gets real awkward and instead of looking right at me his eyes shoot up and over me as he blurts out a g'morning (kind of directing the greeting to both me and the lady in front of me-she's like 60 her presence had nothing to do with this)then he swiftly turns around and goes inside.

So I'm thinking, okayyyyyyyy. A couple hours later coming back from outside I started down the hall and he happens to be standing in his doorway again. This time as soon as he sees me coming no eye contact, no hello, just turns around back into his office.

WTH was that? My common sense told me -Not Interested. Okay, smh because why the blatant avoidance? You can still say hi but lose the smile and prolonged eye contact and I would get the hint yet still being polite. Right?

My thing is, I'm used to dealing with 20 something year olds that will pull that inconsistent push/pull crap because they want you to chase them. I'm not sure if an older man like 40 something would maybe.. switch up on me for the same game. Being no dummy,my gut told me he realized I was into him and blew me off to show me that he wasn't.

Am I wrong?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 20, 2012, 04:22 PM

I think he is either more into the other lady he was smiling and speaking to or he has been flirting with both of you and feels like he got caught. Maybe he has been more forward with this lady, maybe even has been out with her.
Just let it slide off your back and keep going.

Alty · Jun 20, 2012, 05:26 PM

If you want to know what's going on, confront him. Tell him straight out "We never talked, but we had eye contact. Now it's gone. Are you interested or not?"

Isn't a conversation better that trying to interpret a few seconds of eye contact?

blueheart77 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think he is either more into the other lady he was smiling and speaking to or he has been flirting with both of you and feels like he got caught. Maybe he has been more forward with this lady, maybe even has been out with her.
Just let it slide off your back and keep going.

Oh nooooo. That lady is in her 60's and her appearance, etc. Nah, it's not that. But thanks for answering!

blueheart77 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:16 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

If you want to know what's going on, confront him. Tell him straight out "We never talked, but we had eye contact. Now it's gone. Are you interested or not?"

Isn't a conversation better that trying to interpret a few seconds of eye contact?

I'm not a risk taker, I don't want to initiate a conversation like that then turns out he's not into me then, perhaps, blabs what I said to him. I don't want to be in the grapevine.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:17 PM

I don't know. You are both adults, you are bothered by this, ask him.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:18 PM

[QUOTE=blueheart77;3161221]I'm not a risk taker, I don't want to initiate a conversation like that then turns out he's not into me then,
Then assume he is just not into you and move on.

Alty · Jun 20, 2012, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by blueheart77

I'm not a risk taker, I don't want to initiate a conversation like that then turns out he's not into me then, perhaps, blabs what I said to him. I dont want to be in the grapevine.

Then forget him.

You can't have a relationship if you refuse to talk to the person, to communicate.

So forget him and move onto another fantasy. Or, learn to take risks.

If you never put yourself out there, you'll never know what you're missing. Avoiding risk keeps you from getting hurt, but it also leaves you all alone.

If you're always afraid, you'll never take the leap.

blueheart77 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:21 PM

[QUOTE=Homegirl 50;3161226]

Originally Posted by blueheart77

I'm not a risk taker, I don't want to initiate a conversation like that then turns out he's not into me then,
Then assume he is just not into you and move on.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Accept your assumptions if not then just ask. Thanks for answering!

blueheart77 · Jun 20, 2012, 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

Then forget him.

You can't have a relationship if you refuse to talk to the person, to communicate.

So forget him and move onto another fantasy. Or, learn to take risks.

If you never put yourself out there, you'll never know what you're missing. Avoiding risk keeps you from getting hurt, but it also leaves you all alone.

If you're always afraid, you'll never take the leap.

That's very insightful, I appreciate that. What your saying makes sense. Just have a problem shaking off my little girl shyness, so ridiculous.
Thanks!

Alty · Jun 20, 2012, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by blueheart77

That's very insightful, I appreciate that. What your saying makes sense. Just have a problem shakin off my lil girl shyness, so ridiculous.
Thanks!

It's not ridiculous. Being shy is hard to overcome. I was shy for a very long time. I never approached people because I was afraid of rejection.

I learned that I had nothing to lose by telling people how I feel. If they didn't feel the same way, it hurt, but I got over it. But, not telling them how I felt, well, who knows what I missed? I'll never know.

Being upfront, and taking the dive, opening your heart, is hard. I won't say that there isn't a risk. There is. You could open your heart only to have it broken. But, you could open your heart and reap the rewards. Maybe he's just as shy as you are. If that's the case, then someone has to take the first step, or chalk it up to an opportunity lost.

I'd rather take the risk, and lose, then risk losing the chance for something great.