[Brad455]

Note* I'm 15 and she's 16, her ex is 17 and were all in high school but the ex is a senior and I'm a sophomore and so is she. We got to the same school and the ex goes to school in China. Sorry if its long, I just want to let you guys know the background story so you can understand the situation. Forgive me if its confusing. I suck at explaining things.

Me and my best friend have always been close, there has never been a time when we were just "friends", there's always been "something" between us. Everyone knew it and even both of us noticed it after a while. She knows I like her since I confessed to it around January this year. She rejected me though and I rejected my feelings for her. I didn't however, stop being close friends with her. Kind of stupid of me since I was trying to move on but I didn't try make moves on her or anything I just kept a barrier between us so I could get myself hurt again. She noticed and tried to break it since she disliked that I was holding back.

Well she has always had a boyfriend since I met her, only time she hasn't was for about 2 weeks when she dumped her boyfriend because she was made fun of. She didn't feel bad about it, it was kind of a mutual break up, at least to my knowledge it was. She has always had feeling for her big ex and she's been trying to lose them by dating other people, well it never worked. He found out and told her, and well they got back together. But the problem was it was going to be a long distance relationship since he moved to China for school. He was going to visit in the summer and she knew it and knew where he was going to stay. He was going to stay at his friends basement, which is like a 3 minute walk from her house. Well they were keeping the long distance thing working for a while but I something about him I didn't like. It was like if he was hiding something.

Well about 5 months into the relationship we found out what he was hiding. He's been cheating on her, multiple times, I don't know if it was with multiple girls or just one because I didn't want to ask. Well she was hear broken and cried a lot. I heard a rumor that she got dumped from her friend but didn't know if it was true. I came home that day to have her message me on Facebook. She told me what happened then called me on Skype. She was crying and the look in her eyes was killing me. I was angry at the guy, she trusted him with all her heart and he just breaks her like that. She cut her arm and starting making it worse. She wanted to cut her hair since she got that one haircut for him. I got her to calm down and was a bit loud and demanding which is not usual for me. But I got her to stop which made me glad but I talked with her the rest of the night.

Well she confessed to liking me this entire time and wanted to be with me but I rejected her because she wasn't stable at the time. I comforted her but nothing beyond that. Its been about a month since then and she been letting him back in her life on and off again. Its been hurting her and she knows I don't like that guy but she keeps talking about him. She said she still liked me but wanted to wait, I agreed and wasn't sure how long but now I'v come to think "Is she worth it?"

Just recently we talked again about him but this time it was about his visit here. She said she still loves him even if he cheated on her but at the same time, has some hatred for him. Now this might sound strange but she said that she can't love me the same way she loves him until she can unlock her heart again. And the only way to do that is to get her happiness which he has. Strange huh? Took me a bit to understand and maybe I'm not explaining it right. She sent me some song, which is my guess where she got that idea. Its called "Chain Girl by Hatsune Miku". I listened to it and read the lyrics and I understand what she's talking about now. Again this might sound strange as well, she said quote "I'm not giving him something of mine, I'm giving him something of ours, and something back that he gave me." What confused me was when she said something of ours. I don't know what she was talking about, she just said "I can't explain, don't worry, its not that, you can't see it." Which just makes me worry about it more. So she wants to fix things then leave him because all she wants to be is happy, and I don't want to deny her that. Complicated situation and I can't stop thinking about it. Any advice would be helpful.

[itsimplytruth]

I think you should just be friends with her. Move on find someone who will worry about you the way you worry about her. She has feelings that are tied into her x and you should not be second to anyone. You deserve someone who is going to love you openly and honestly. Don't settle... no one is worth your happiness!

[talaniman]

Being friends is a great thing, but you relly do need your own life that you enjoy. Teen age girls love the complication of fantasy, and drama. Don't get me wrong, doesn't make them bad people, but makes their choices, decisions, and motivations a bit off. Its not just young girls, but guys as well because all you want is a girlfriend.

She ain't it. Back away from her drama, and enjoy yourself. Date others. Frankly, you are to close.

[Brad455]

    Before you read below, know that she's 17 and her ex is also 17. We just became friends this school year in the beginning. But unlike her other guy friends I got tangled in almost every part of her life, which I guess could be bad for some people but it gives me a reason to care. Also know that I did have feelings for her but that that hardy counts now, all I want her is to be now is happy. And he has been the biggest reason why that can't happen.

     So my friend's ex is coming next week and well... we have been talking about him. He cheated and then dumped her around May. She was heartbroken but I helped her get through it for like 2 days. It was bad but I was able to handle it but now it's a different situation.

     Well now that he's actually going to be here now and is only going to live about 2 min from her house makes it more difficult. She isn't over him and I can see it by the way she talks about him sometimes no matter how much she says "I don't like him anymore." She finally admitted it and truly, she is mad at him and part of her wishes she could leave for that month he's going to be here. But she is still in love with him, can't deny that.

    She's still attracted to him and he's like the only guy she's sexually attracted to, at least that's what she told me. I guess what I asking for is what kind advice can give her to help her get over him because, he has had multiple "female buddies." They were suppose to lose their virginity to each other, even if I told her that was stupid and idiotic, but now she doesn't anymore and I'm kind of glad but that doesn't resolve the whole problem.

     I thought maybe have her get out more because she's been stuck at home for the past 2 weeks because she got chicken pox but she's better now. I invite her to go out as friends occasionally but I feel likes it not enough. I'm not sure what to do anymore, I guess I just want some advice for her that's all. Any would be helpful a this point but nothing absurd please. That is unless you really think it helps but explain why it does please.

[C0bra_M3nace]

You're right, get her out more. Go do something, something to get her mind off things and keep it up. Get her to stay busy, and keep her mind active. She's going to have to go no contact with him, she needs to understand that, she can't have any communication with him whatsoever. Living 2 minutes away could be hard sure, but it's only as hard as she makes it. Eventually, if she holds onto no contact and keeps busy she will forget, and she will let go. Time is now her best friend, and only time can help her heal.

[Brad455]

You're right, get her out more. Go do something, something to get her mind off of things and keep it up. Get her to stay busy, and keep her mind active. She's going to have to go no contact with him, she needs to understand that, she can't have any communication with him whatsoever. Living 2 minutes away could be hard sure, but it's only as hard as she makes it. Eventually, if she holds onto no contact and keeps busy she will forget, and she will let go. Time is now her best friend, and only time can help her heal.

Thanks for your advice! Even though you were the only one you gave a good answer! I'l do my best to help her. Thanks again!

[C0bra_M3nace]

An Administrator will delete this in time. No worries.

[talaniman]

Generally when one person gives excellent avice, others don't bother, and the advice was excellent. I will add that you can help her be distracte with fun and frienndship, but the real work is hers to do.

If you are her only friend though, that's not good for either of you. The more the merrier, and safer for your feelings and be smart, she may be tempted to make him jealous for revenge.

I know you have the best intentions but the road to hell is paved with it. Caution.

For all the facts in one place, your thread have been merged.

[Brad455]

So my best friend broke up with her boyfriend around May. It was a big break up because he cheated on her. I helped her through it and thought she shouldn't talk to him anymore and she didn't for about 2 weeks. Well they started talking again and he would be an one day and friendly the next. And to make it worse her ex has been trying her to go out with me. Which I think is a horrible idea judging on the circumstances. Well yesterday they got into a fight and he blocked her on fb since he lives far away. Well she decided to end their "mutual" friendship. Her other friend got get on a double date with her friends today. She said she had fun and she really likes the guy. She says it's a rebound and she needs it. Normally rebounds are not good for the guy at least. Im not sure what to do. I feel like I should just leave her alone and let her do it. But I don't know... its a complicated subject for me. I guess somewhere I still have feelings for her and I'm stupid for that. Advice? For both of us but preferably for my best friend because even though she says she needs no one looking out for her I don't do because I think she's weak and fragile (a bit fragile actually) but because I really care about her and want to keep her safe. Even though it doesn't help me I don't really care at this point.

Oh and she says she need the rebound because her ex is coming back and is living about 2 min from her house. She says she needs someone to distract her from him. She says went its all over that she might be able to really love the guy because she says he's really nice and caring and bit shy. What hurt me the most when she told me is that, that's the same way she described me when I asked her a long time ago what she thought of me. I don't know... Just some advice please? I know I'm stupid for clinging on to her but I can't help myself.

[C0bra_M3nace]

You're her friend, I get you. Friendship is really big with me, but there's only so much you can do in a situation such as this. The best thing you can do, is let her learn from her mistakes.

[Brad455]

Me and my friend has always been close, no one can deny that. Even when we first became friends we were close. Well its been a great, we barely fought and when we did it usually blew over within a day or even a couple of hours. She had a boyfriend most of the time we were friends. But around the end of May her boyfriend dumped her. She was heartbroken and I helped her. She got better and started flirting with me, telling me how she always had a crush on me and everything. I didn't want to do anything because I didn't want to be a rebound and she still was a little off from the break-up. Well we decided to wait until she was ready to have a relationship. Well I knew June was going to be a complicated month for the both of us.

It was okay at first, we were still great friends and everything. She would flirt with other guys but she said she stilled liked me. Well her ex was coming back for vacation and lives only about 2 min from her house. So she started getting desperate and her friend got her to go out with some friends. She took a liking to one of the guys there. She told me about and I did something stupid. I got jealous and acted like an . She got angry at me and we had an argument. The next day (yesterday) we talked again. I stopped being mean and acted like I didn't care about the guy. Well I made a little joke about her not liking me anymore and she took it serious. Well she started insulting me and telling me how I cause so much drama. She then told me that I treat her like a child too much and she hated it. She's older then me but a bit immature. She started telling me that were just friends and that all we will ever be. And just like a week ago she made a little joke of wanting to have sex, which she does often. I don't know... funny thing is, when she told me this I didn't get upset. I didn't make me sad. It kind of left a empty feeling in me but its gone now. Now I'm just kind of bored because we would talked everyday, all day. Now the most we talk is like 30 min. and it always ends in arguments. We had summer school together as well and I transferred into her advisory (break between classes). Is it really over? After everything we've been through. All we will ever be is just friends? Advice? I think I should just leave it as is. Move on because all she ever did was bring heart ache to me. I guess this is for the best...

[C0bra_M3nace]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lf-673733.html

Same friend?

[Brad455]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lf-673733.html

Same friend?

Yea it is

[C0bra_M3nace]

She's quite the character from what I've gathered. Leave her be man, if all she brings you is heartache, then why put yourself through it. She's coming off to me as a relationship jumping player. Not worth it man, have some dignity.

[rocketman11]

Just leave her alone and move on. If you keep pursuing her she WILL break your heart one way or another.

C0bra M3nace is completely right when he says that she is a "relationship jumping player". I can see that she is, so I hope you can see it too. Pursuing someone like this will completely destroy your heart because you will end up being committed to her and giving your heart to her, when in fact she will just use you and then reject you when someone else comes along. Trust me I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt.

Love is blind. Do not let your feelings for her cloud your perception of her. If she is disrespectful and immature that is what she is; she may change in the distant future but its not guaranteed. I hate to say it but she also sounds like a bit of a slut :( Never put her on a pedestal and never let her use you, especially if she ever wants sex.

I can tell that your head is telling you that she is no good for you, but your heart says otherwise. She is NO GOOD for you and you definitely deserve so much better :) I know that feeling when you feel a bit empty after spending so much time with someone that suddently isn't there anymore. You must be grateful for this time as it will allow you to gain perspective of the situation, and allow you to learn, heal and move on.

Give your heart to someone who deserves it; someone who is loving, kind, respectful and trustworthy. She is out there and you WILL find her. Be patient and you will find her when you least expect it.

All the best :)

[talaniman]

Back up guy and leave her alone as you have crossed a serious line between friends, and hopeful romantic partners.

Nothing but false hope on your part for more than you can get from her. Leave her alone and have fun this summer with other friends and activities, and make some new friends.