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lokismama · Jun 2, 2012, 05:23 AM

My boyfriend will be leaving me behind for college after summer break. He`s a graduate obviously and I`m 16, a sophomore. We have been dating for close to a year now. When we were first dating he used to talk about going off to college like it wasn't that bad. Well of course he was upset about leaving but he never freaked out over it like he is now.

Lately he always vents to me about leaving and being afraid that one of us is going to find someone new while were long distance. What really gets me is the fact he says he doesn't know if it will work when he goes away. I try not to worry myself and tell myself he`s just worrying and try to talk to him about it to get him to calm down. But I can't help but worry he's going to break up with me before he even gets to college. I believe we can make it through the long distance and I used to think he thought we could too. But now it seems that he is giving up. Should I worry about this too much?

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 2, 2012, 05:53 AM

There's not much you can really do in a case such as this. Your options are very slim. In a relationship, you need communication, trust and honesty. When he leaves, you will be dampening communication, and relying a lot on trust and honesty. Whether you can make it through rests solely on the trust and honesty you both share. If I were to leave my girlfriend and I was to freak out about her getting with someone else, the only reason would be because I don't trust her. If he truly loves and trusts you, it wouldn't be a problem at all to leave, because he would deep down know you'd wait for him. He obviously doesn't feel this way.

You can either talk to him about it, or rethink the relationship.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2012, 07:09 AM

These are the issues that couple discuss honestly as this is a relationship changing event. It's a risk for sure but all relationship run the risk of break ups for many, varied reasons. LDR's especially, so talk and get on the same page so you both are in it to win it, or what's the point?

Hard for a 2 year plan at 16 though. Inexperience, uncertainty, can change feelings and intentions rather fast, and to be fair, the same goes for an 18 year old. Love is never enough to get you through, and it doesn't overcome the real obstacles you will face. Honest communications and hard work does overcome those obstacles.

No communications, no relationship. You can love as hard as you want, but if talking doesn't resolve issues to the benefit of you both, you won't thrive together, but will grow apart. Lay it all out and see if you both can forge ahead, or try, and if you can grow together, or apart. It worries him, both with him seeing temptations and trials and tribulations, and in YOU, being left behind and facing your own obstacles.

TALK, and see how willing he is to try. That's how risks are taken. And the work to be done identified.

Wondergirl · Jun 2, 2012, 07:32 AM

What my boyfriend and I did when he went off to college was each of us could date others but we stayed in touch (and back then, when rocks were still cooling, that meant by snail mail since long distance phone was too expensive). If either of us found someone else, we agreed to be honest and tell the other. Later, when I went off to college, we had the same agreement.

The result was that it solidified our relationship. Of course, it could have gone the other way and broken us up, but then that would have told us that our feelings for each other weren't as strong and permanent as we had thought. No matter which way it would have gone, it was a win-win situation.

If your boyfriend wants to have the complete college experience and not sit in his dorm room except for classes and meals, he will have to be out and about meeting people--and those people will include other girls. And some of those girls will be interesting enough that he will want to date them. Thinking otherwise is living in a fantasyland.