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whyteemackay · May 31, 2012, 06:43 PM

I have been with my husband 18 years and he has been wonderful but I found out he was on sites asking people to meet him for sex last year... this messaging went on for 8 months.. I also found a message to a prostitute... he said it went no further than asking for sex as no one replied... he lied a lot about how much he did this and I kept finding lots of sex sites he had joined.. this was nov 11.. we went to counselling which helped... problem is I can like him and feel OK for say 2 weeks then be really unhappy for next few weeks this is a continuing theme.. I don't know whether to leave... I will never love him like I did and feel unhappy about half the time and resentful.. should I stay or go.. I used to love him so much... now its OK but not same and feel not good enough

Alty · May 31, 2012, 06:48 PM

My experience is this. If you have to ask about your marriage, you already know the answer, you just want someone to back you up.

The fact is, there are two sides to every story. We're only hearing your side. Maybe you're cold in bed, haven't had sex with him in years, and he went looking elsewhere because he felt you no longer love him, which you yourself stated.

My question to you is this. If you feel the way you've said you feel, then why do you need anyone to back you up? Follow your heart. If you no longer love him, have nothing for him, then leave him.

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's all on you.

Good luck.

whyteemackay · May 31, 2012, 06:52 PM

We had a very good active sex life... so don't get it.. ikeep thinking things might b OK if we stay together lon enough and I am frightened about making wrong choice as have never been alone.I know that sounds silly.. thanks for your answer.

Alty · May 31, 2012, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by whyteemackay

we had a very good active sex life...so dont get it..ikeep thinking things might b ok if we stay together lon enough and i am frightened about making wrong choice as have never been alone.i know that sounds silly..thanks for your answer.

It's not silly.

It's scary to end a long relationship, even if you know deep down that it's over.

So I have to ask. Are you still with him because you truly love him, or are you with him because you're afraid to end it?

There is no wrong answer. If you're staying with him because it's comfortable, I can understand that. But, if you're with him because you truly love him, then you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to make it work.

Love isn't easy. It's not cut and dry. There are bumps in every relationship. Is this a bump you can get over, or the one that will end things? That's something you have to figure out.

whyteemackay · May 31, 2012, 07:10 PM

I think I love him then I am angry.. he says I am driving him mad with indecision which I understand.. I want things to b OK and us to be happy again but I feel so resentful and do not trust that he loves me... it is so complicated it is sending me crazy not knowing what to do... he is a very good person and has always been supportive but the sex thing is eating away at me most of the time.. and like I said I am very fearful... I used to have mental health issues and he has done so much for me over the years and also I am quite dependent well extremely.. I just stay in the spare room now most the time as I feel safe... we still have sex but it makes me feel ill to be truthful... he does not know this.. it is horrible.. thanks for listening.

Alty · May 31, 2012, 07:51 PM

Did he actually cheat on you, or was he just thinking about it, and looking on the internet for sex?

You said you tried counseling, and it helped. Are you still in counseling. If no, then why not, as this issue obviously isn't resolved.

I don't want to be mean, but it sounds like the only reason you're with him is because, financially, you can't afford to be on your own. If that's the reason, then this isn't love, it's dependence.