[foodle4]

Sorry this is so long and vent-y, but here goes:

I was recently promoted to become the general manager of a small, fast-casual restaurant. I oversee a staff of about 20 with the help of my assistant manager and a team of shift supervisors.

When my assistant and I were first promoted (both of our promotions were decided by our Area Manager), she struggled with the transition in a way that I did not. The staff was (and still is) quite resistant to her authority, for a number of reasons, including a desire to assert her power by being unflexible and unwilling to compromise, as well as a penchant for weekly at-home hair bleach, thick layers of instant-bronze facial self-tanning lotion and hot pink eyeshadow. Since she's new at the management game, I've been doing my best to smooth things over with my crew and coach her about how to handle employee conflict on a day-to-day basis.

Unfortunately, this has become increasingly difficult for me to handle. As time has passed (it's been about two months now), her relationship with the staff has improved, although they're still somewhat reluctant to deal with her. However, my own relationship with her is deteriorating. A few weeks ago, I had to have a conversation with her about her attitude - she had started talking back to me, telling me to shut up, and telling me that she hadn't accomplished certain tasks because she "had more important things to worry about." I was straightforward and honest: I told her that this behavior was unprofessional and that it needed to stop. When she rolled her eyes and started to argue, I asked her how she would react if one of our shift managers had said those things to her. At this point, she started crying and told me she was feeling very stressed out and that she was so sorry. I told her that she should come to me if she felt stressed, because I'd be happy to look at her to-do list and take a few things off her plate, or talk with her about how to delegate when appropriate. We removed several major items from her to-do list together, and agreed that she would meet with me if she started feeling this stressed out again in the future.

A few days later, I approached her because I noticed that she had changed her schedule so that she didn't work on Friday nights. Since this is a company policy, I asked her to change it back. She started crying hysterically, telling me that all she ever does is work and she never gets to see her live-in boyfriend or have a life outside our restaurant. She said she only wants this one thing, and that she has sacrificed so much for our company that surely we could accommodate her. I explained that we are scheduled 5 days a week, 44 hours, that I've often heard that she leaves early when I'm not there and that she is required to have open availability as a restaurant manager, which includes being present for our busiest revenue period of the week. She continued crying, saying that she simply "wouldn't do it." When I asked her if she was choosing to be insubordinate and if I should contact my boss about this, she said no, but she would never work on Fridays. I replied that I would see what we could work out but couldn't make any promises (RE: company policy), she literally ran away crying so hard she was hiccuping.

Later that day, she had a pretty serious work accident (she passed out from being dehydrated and broke her back when she fell) and has been off work for several weeks. We did everything we could to accommodate her, including applying for Worker's Comp and covering all of her requested time off (not just required, but REQUESTED) with no questions. I even got that Friday night shift covered by an hourly employee because I felt so bad for her.

Today she dropped in unexpectedly while I was out to fill out some insurance and FMLA paperwork, and inexplicably started crying in the back again, hysterically and in front of every staff member. She ran out and left, and my employees reported the bizarre occurrence when I got back. I called her to ask if everything was OK, and she told me that she had had some trouble with the paperwork, but that her mom helped her fill it out so it was fine. She didn't mention the crying episode.

At this point, my staff thinks she's bat-sh*% crazy, and I'm actually going crazy trying to keep up with her. She is the main reason that I am stressed at my job, and it's always a different issue with her. At this point, her job performance isn't bad enough to consider terminating her, but I'd give pretty much anything to transfer her somewhere else and not have to deal with her emotional ups and downs. It doesn't help that I've discovered gradually that I just don't like her very much in general (something that I can deal with as a professional, but is still a struggle for me internally). I don't have the power to fire her or discipline her (although I am expected to coach her and provide her with looping feedback about her performance), and I'm not sure how to tell my boss that I can't stand working with her without seeming unprofessional. I've been dealing with it so far, but it's seriously stressing me out and I don't know how much longer I can continue this pattern.

Does anyone have suggestions for how to conduct myself so that I can coach her effectively, run a successful restaurant and not end up in the loony bin by September? I appreciate any advice you can provide to me - I'm relatively new at this too, so I need all the help I can get!

[Wondergirl]

Obviously, there is something going on with her that has nothing to do with the restaurant. It might be external parts of her life (boyfriend, parents) and how she deals with them. She may be (unmedicated?) bipolar or something else. The wild crying spells, the dehydration, the demands all say something is wrong. Don't cover for her (you haven't) and let the chips fall where they may?

[foodle4]

Obviously, there is something going on with her that has nothing to do with the restaurant. It might be external parts of her life (boyfriend, parents) and how she deals with them. She may be (unmedicated?) bipolar or something else. The wild crying spells, the dehydration, the demands all say something is wrong. Don't cover for her (you haven't) and let the chips fall where they may?

I do know that she has issues with anxiety/stress management and is heavily medicated with Xanax (prescribed, I checked). She takes a high dosage daily, but it doesn't seem to be helping OR there is something else going on.

[Wondergirl]

I do know that she has issues with anxiety/stress managment and is heavily medicated with Xanax (prescribed, I checked). She takes a high dosage daily, but it doesn't seem to be helping OR there is something else going on.

No, she's not handling life very well. How much can you get into her life as a coworker? But really, it's not your place to have to do that. She probably needs her meds changed. Xanax isn't something to mess around with long-term.

[JudyKayTee]

At some point you become more supervisor and less friend. I ran a law firm. Receptionist broke up with her boyfriend. The entire office was understanding at first while she ran around crying, not doing her job. One by one the other employees got very tired of covering for her, working in a somewhat explosive atmosphere, listening to her problems. I finally had to tell her she had to either "shape up" or leave. Crying jags continued after 3 months, and I had to let her go.

You can't run an efficient business when one employee has another agenda, for whatever reason.