[Kim149]

Im a married man with 3 wonderful children; 11yo daughter, 10yo son and 2.5yo baby son living in Asia.

I met my wife in 1993 and we dated since during our academic time in Australia. In 1994 my girlfriend (my current wife) was pregnant and we had the baby daughter left in foster family for adoption. We were so young, stupid and knew nothing about the rule of adoption.

We moved on and got married there in Australia in 1999. Then we began to build the family where we are now.

Having our first daughter born, the second son and the youngest baby son watching them growing made it feel as if incompl

[ScottGem]

Please use the Reply or quick answer options to complete your story so we know what you need help with.

[Kim149]

Im a married man with 3 wonderful children; 11yo daughter, 10yo son and 2.5yo baby son living in Asia.

I met my wife in 1993 and we dated since during our academic time in Australia. In 1994 my girlfriend (my current wife) was pregnant and we had the baby daughter left in foster family for adoption. We were so young, stupid and could not care less knowing too much about the rule of adoption.

We moved on and got married there in Australia in 1999. Then we began to build the family where we are now.

Having our first daughter born, the second son and the youngest baby son and watching them growing made it feels as if incomplete without having the first one around us. We can't get in contact with our first daughter as we apparently signed agreement not to have updated information about her from her adoptive parents or nobody.

We miss our first daughter so badly this whole time. We made a lot of effort to find her, getting as much information as possible about her and yet have to wait for her until she gets 18 years of age. This year; 2012 she has turned 18 and through the help of Post Adoption Services, we will be arranged to finally meet her.

We are so excited and really looking forward to finally meeting her. We thank God knowing she can be contacted and her well being is now clearer after the person from the service stated that she has been in contact w her on our behalf. She then suggests us to take one little step at a time.

My questions are:
1. How ready are we? Coz it takes 5 of us now and one of her to meet. Will she be feeling overwhelmed?
2. How about the culture differences with our three other children apart from the language barrier? (Eventhough, our three children can understand and speak 30% English)
3. What kind of preparation should we do beforehand? Especially we are going to be flying to a different country ,whereby our children have never been to, (except our youngest one when he was 8 months to stay there for a week) for this.
4. What does she mean by one step at a time? Coz we really don't want to wait any further to be reunited.
5. Can We ask her to come fly with us to where we live to stay with us for a while?

[ScottGem]

First you can discuss this with the intermediary. She may be able to help with some of thise questions.

1. I would go slow. You and your wife meet her together. Bring pictures of her siblings but don't overwhelm her.
2. another reason to go slow.
3. Make it a vacation. Plan on activities with your other children that you can taken your first born along with if she wishes.
4. One step at a time, means you meet once and see if she wants to continue the relationship.
5. If things go well you can ask her to come visit you at a future time.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Kim149]

Thanks a lot Scott!