[DadInNeed]

Hi,
My situation is a little different, my daughter is almost 2 and me and my ex-girlfriend (never married) agreed that I was the bio father in a court agreement in Oct of 2003 when I took primary custodian of my daughter until such a time as my ex got a job and a place to live since her mom kicked her out, well about 3 months later she moved back in with mom and was about to have a job and the way the order was wriiten was when she had a suitable housing and a job she would then become the custodial parent and we shared joint custody of our daughter. My ex was doing crank real bad at that time but I could not prove it, so I entered into an agreement with my ex's mom to become the primary custodian. Well I just got served that my ex is filing for custody and wants to move mt daughter to Florida where she recently married and lives, Her mom decides to stop my court ordered visits because when I signed an agreement with my ex's mom I got visits every other weekend fri to sun. I had a son born in May with major heart defect who required 2 months in the hospital about 100 miles from where I live, he had open heart surgury. Well needless to say I could not visit for a few months but have started my visits back and I get a call today from my ex's mom telling me that it is an emotional danger for my daughter to visit with me so I could not have her on my weekends. She told me I was going to lose this fight when I told her I was going to ask for custody.. any help,ideas, direction would be helpful since I'm on social security and can't afford an attorney, tried legal aid but since my ex used them before I can't use them, I'm kind of worried so I need some advice soon

DAD IN NEED

[amySlater]

I suggest that you go to the same judge that granted you primary custody and BEG him or her for a temporary order stating that the child may not be moved across state lines until something more permanent can be arranged.
Can you afford to take care of this baby on your income? I know that a lot of people on social security don't get a lot of money. Do you have adequate housing? You do not have to prove that your ex is using drugs but you should definitely mention this to the judge and ask if the mother can be made to submit to a drug screen. As far as the grandmother goes, if she has nothing in writing, then you could do well just to ignore her threats about emotional abuse as a child who is not yet two really is not old enough to understand the dynamics of how often you visit or why you had to miss spending time with her. However, any and all proof that you can offer a judge as far as why you were away, how much income you have and why you feel your daughter would be better off not to go to Florida and live in a two parent home. Please forgive the tone of that last sentence but this is what you will have to stand up against. Offer a drug screen yourself, this may encourage the judge to ask for a test from your ex before she is allowed to go to Florida. Anything you can do to get her to stay, do it because a battle across state lines takes longer and is more costly than local. If you can't afford a lawyer, you are going to have one hell of a hard time gaining any ground at all unless you can prove abuse or neglect on your exes part. The judge will tend to overlook past mistakes if your ex can make the impression that she is striving to do something with her life and the description that you gave led me to believe that she is making changes for the better+. I would strongly suggest calling all of the attorneys in your area and begging for some sort of payment arrangements.

Now here comes the hard part,
It is my opinion that your chances of getting custody of this child won't be real good with a lawyer and will be nil without one. Here is what the judge will look at first, most people think that a child is better off with the mother and even better off in a two parent home even if one of the parents is a "step". The judge will also look at the fact that the mother is making an effort to make a better home for the child. Lastly the judge will look at you and see a man who looks much to young to be on social security and will make you tell her what type of disability you have and will try to find some reason why you can't take care of a child alone. The judge will also take into consideration the amount of your income and how you are going to make ends meet when you have to pay child support to two children. Can your children and their caretakers collect money based on your earnings? If so this is great. The judge will probably also get personal and point out the fact that you have two kids that are less than two years old by two different mothers, neither of whom you have married. The judge will no doubt find this to be proof that you are not very responsible. Tred very cautiously when pursuing this dear sir because you are indeed in for a fight. Mind you, I have not judged you at all, and I hope that I have helped, but I do know that I would not have done you any favors if I would have let you go into this thinking that you were going to have anything but a hard time. Maybe the two of you can reach an agreement that will suit everyone. I can't see a judge denying you visitation simply because you are clearly concerned and that you desire to maintain a relationship with your young child. There are far too many dads who just do not care about their kids for a judge to deny you visitation rights.
Best of luck,
Amy

[mike145k]

I know you love your child but its unfortunate we don't think and make mistakes this is your mistake you should have been more careful and used condoms or she should have practised safe sex ,and now look at the mess I say learn from this become a stronger man do what you have to in order to raise yourself up to be a force that can make changes rather then a defeated man you have not been beaten,you still can change and make a good impression on your, daughter and, your family and, of course the ever there self

[fredg]

Hi,
It is very unfortunate that you can't afford a lawyer. That might be your only chance.
It's also unfortunate that courts and laws and set up for "needing lawyers".
Without one, there isn't much you can do.
Best of luck,
fredg