[jenniepepsi]

I think the bottom line here is that the OP is concerned about this situation. No. She may not be the parent. Yes. She does have a right to be concerned. After all she is with the father and who knows how serious her relationship may get....

Everyone made valid points here. I think that Jeenie needs to be more specific about her last comment. Yes. I read what she said, however, I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is NOT encouraging that the father condone this.

It is normal for young ones to be curious about sexuality and masturbation.

As a parent, would I encourage a child to watch porn of any sort? No. Not at all.

Would I be upset if my partner encouraged it to my child? Yes.

....

To clarify its more along the lines of what was said before. Is it OK to just hand over and encourage porn in a 10 year old? No its not.
Is it OK for a 10 year old to unintentionally find a porn magazine, and masturbate to it? Yes that is NORMAL.

And I don't appreciate being called sick and perverted, for simply relaying what happened often in the 80s and 90s.

[J_9]

what happened often in the 80s and 90s.

I'm interested in knowing what happened in the 80s and 90s. I was a parent in both decades and I don't recall my husband sharing his porn with my sons.

[jenniepepsi]

For crying out loud.
Did I say ALL?
Did I say EVERY SINGLE PARENT DID?

NO I didn't.

Jeeze. Just drop it already. You don't believe what I said. That's your prerogative.

[Lucky.charms]

I may not have been clear. Neither my boyfriend nor I drink so there will not be a problem with alcohol in the future. There is no porn or playboy in the house. My question was : is it OK for my boyfriend to buy a playboy magazine and hide it in case he does go looking and then unintentionally find it. It is not teaching him to go behind anyone's back. It is normal for boys to be curious and we have the computer blocked.
I never said hand him a magazine, condone it, or look through it w him. The question clearly states is it too young for a 10 yr old to FIND a magazine. And no it wouldn't be laying out and NOT put under his bed and NO I am not asking how to molest a kid.
My question may have been unclear. And the terms of service say to respond politely and ask questions.
But that response of suggestive of child molestation and implying that I support it at the end. In my opinion that is the rudest comment ever made towards me and highly offensive, and slander to an extent.
I would have deleted all of this last night, if I could. I stayed up until 3am having to work at 7am. I've NEVER in my life felt that insulted. I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.

[DoulaLC]

Let me know if I understood the situation correctly:

In my opinion, yes, it would be wrong of your boyfriend to buy a playboy and hide it for the express reason for his 10 year old to just happen upon it. It would be different if it were your boyfriend's own playboy, that he purchased for himself, but he would be buying it basically for his son to find.

Is he thinking it would open the door for discussion about changes in men and women, and relationships? If so, there are more appropriate books available for that exact reason. There is material written that is age appropriate so that a 10 year old would be better able to grasp the information.

Or is he thinking better to find it in your own home, with something more mild like playboy, then to look for it elsewhere?

What is the reason he thinks this is a good idea?

[Lucky.charms]

@DoulaLC: he felt that it was better to find at home. Do you know a name of an age appropriate book? That's what I wanted to do.

[Wondergirl]

But that response of suggestive of child molestation and implying that I support it at the end. In my opinion that is the rudest comment ever made towards me and highly offensive, and slander to an extent.

I apologize for our digging and asking and surmising, but here's where we're coming from. I'm a mod for AMHD and ask you to please stick around on this site for at least three months and read all of the amazing and incredible and heartbreaking posts that we do. Your head will spin as you read horror stories written by parents who shouldn't be parents, by immature 12-year-old girls who think they are pregnant who are sure their mom will raise the baby for them or believe their boyfriend will stick around, by animals owners who are clueless on how to care for their pets and don't have the money for medical care in the second place (after buying a pet in the first place for hundreds or even thousands of dollars). Just like us, you too will want to ask all sorts of questions, some of which may cause the poster to feel insulted, but we have to know and understand the WHOLE picture in order to give the best advice we can -- and we are committed to doing that.

I would have deleted all of this last night, if I could. I stayed up until 3am having to work at 7am. I've NEVER in my life felt that insulted. I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.

The Terms of Service (TOS) you agreed to when you registered says user names and threads will never be deleted. If you wish the thread to "go away," just stop posting on it.

[Wondergirl]

Do you know a name of an age appropriate book? That's what I wanted to do.

Your best bet is to go to your local public library, children's department, and ask one of the librarians for help. He or she will show you a bunch of age-appropriate books, so then you read through them and decide which one(s) would be good in this situation.

[WisperWill70]

Thank you for explaining your question better. I certainly misread your question as whether it was OK for a child to find a gentleman's mag. But, you're seeking an age appropriate book for what purpose? To satisfy the boys sexual curiosity? And why on earth would an adult hide a Playboy 'accidentally on purpose' for the child to find it? I'm not sure why a parent or guardian would EVER involve him/herself in a child's sexual awakening like that.

There's a big difference between a child accidentally finding something that mom or dad have stashed under the bed and laying one out for the purpose of finding it, in my humble opinion.

Kids find out plenty on their own and with their friends without needing a parent to involve themselves in planting girlie mags. It's better to talk to him about what he's experienced or define the meaning of images he's seen. Sexually explicit or sensationalized images are not appropriate for young children!

There are plenty of age-appropriate books which deal with basic human physiology and there are also resources to help with age-appropriate child sex-education books. You can check with his school or online with the SIECUS (sexuality and information education counsel of the U.S.)

"It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris and Michael Emberley is a good book on sexuality designed for kids 10 and older.

Unless we are further misunderstanding your question further...

[Alty]

I may not have been clear. Neither my bf nor I drink so there will not be a problem with alcohol in the future. There is no porn or playboy in the house. My question was : is it ok for my bf to buy a playboy magazine and hide it in case he does go looking and then unintentionally find it. It is not teaching him to go behind anyone's back. It is normal for boys to be curious and we have the computer blocked.
I never said hand him a magazine, condone it, or look through it w him. The question clearly states is it too young for a 10 yr old to FIND a magazine. And no it wouldn't be laying out and NOT put under his bed and NO I am not asking how to molest a kid.
My question may have been unclear. And the terms of service say to respond politely and ask questions.
But that response of suggestive of child molestation and implying that i support it at the end. In my opinion that is the rudest comment ever made towards me and highly offensive, and slander to an extent.
I would have deleted all of this last night, if I could. I stayed up until 3am having to work at 7am. I've NEVER in my life felt that insulted. I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.

When I read the post, it wasn't clear. I never said that you are molesting this child, I said that that's one of the ways I read your post, and asked for clarification. You came back guns blazing. Now that you've come back to clarify what you meant by your post, it's clearer. Sadly, the original post was not.

I can only go by what is written, and everyone will read things differently as well. The written word is the worst form of communication, as it leaves way too much to the imagination, without the benefit of facial expression, tone of voice, etc. I do apologize that you felt I was rude. I simply misread your post, and the intention behind it, and sadly, we have had posts from people asking how to exploit a child. In fact, we get them every day. After a while you become a bit jaded, shoot first, ask questions later. But I didn't even do that. I still asked for clarification first.

I can only add that if your boyfriend does decide to bring porn into the house, it's best to keep it under lock and key when this child is in the house. Instead of worrying whether he could find it, prevent it from happening to begin with. It's a lot like having a firearm in the house. You don't put it in the nightstand hoping junior won't find it and accidentally shoot himself in the foot. You lock it up so that junior has no chance of finding it at all.

Good luck.

[Alty]

Just want to add this, so that maybe you can understand why I reacted the way I did. The part in your post that disturbed me was this "Is 10 years old too young to find a playboy?". I had no idea that you meant a playboy magazine. That's why I asked what you meant by a playboy. That's why I asked about child porn. To me it sounded like you were looking for a 10 year old "playboy". The magazine never even crossed my mind, and when I read the rest, with that first sentence in my head, it just sounded worse and worse.

Maybe now you can understand why I reacted the way I did. But, even then I still asked questions, and wanted clarification, even though to me it sounded ominous. Now that you clarified that you were talking about a Playboy magazine, it's clearer, and it makes the entire post a lot less ominous. But I urge you to read it the way I read it, not knowing you meant a magazine. How would you have reacted if you thought someone was asking about finding a 10 year old "playboy"?

[ScottGem]

No, it is not appropriate to stash a Playboy magazine (which I don't consider porn, but erotica, there is a difference, Playboy magazines do have much more entertainment value than the pictures) around the house. If the child stumbles upon it accidentally, better it wasn't there. If the child looks, deliberately, then he is going to look for other things as well.

The answer is education, frank and open. Talk to your local librarian, then can recommend books.

And please read what Wondergirl said about this site. I'm sorry you were offended by our trying to clarify what you were asking, but we take pride in the quality of the advice we give and to give high quality advice we need to understand the question.

[J_9]

My question was : is it ok for my bf to buy a playboy magazine and hide it in case he does go looking and then unintentionally find it.

Are you planning on putting it in a place where he will "unintentionally" find it?

It is not teaching him to go behind anyone's back.

It is if the above is correct.

It is normal for boys to be curious

It is human nature to be curious. Not just boys, it goes for girls as well.

The question clearly states is it too young for a 10 yr old to FIND a magazine.

It is too young for a 10 year old to "FIND" a magazine of this nature if you put it in a place that is easily accessible to him.

I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.

As a SuperModerator of this site I will refer to back to the TOS. Once a question is posted it becomes property of the site and is not removed unless it violates the TOS.

[Lucky.charms]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad most agree with me and my boyfriend and I had a long talk w his son... Im sorry my question was not specific, if I ever have another question I will be detailed.

[Alty]

Thanks everyone. I'm glad most agree with me and my boyfriend and I had a long talk w his son... Im sorry my question was not specific, if I ever have another question I will be detailed.

I hope it all works out, and I do hope that you come back. There are many questions on this site, why not look around, see if you have some insight to offer. :)