[Raekai22]

Okay, so as the title tells you I've recently found some videos and pictures on my boyfriends computer. In no way was I snooping or looking for it. Its funny I was actually looking for a file I had downloaded for Jo application. But instead of locating where I put the download I found some videos and pictures. We have been together for a year now. And I'm 22 and well to put it out there he's my first. I had never been sexual with anyone in my life or in any relationship before him. So needless to say I've experienced everything. And now I have to deal with this. Haha. Not.

I'm not sire how to deal with it. I've never watched porn until now to see what he was watching and some of it was disturbing. Some girl on girl bondage and rape. And that does not sit well in my stomach. Other was just normal girl on girl an others. I'm so confused on how I should feel about it. I just feel like it's a slap In the face toward me. Like I'm not satisfying him in some way. Makes me feel inadequate. I know it is normal. I'm just confused and don't know how I should feel. Help!

[Eileen G]

Okay, so as the title tells you I've recently found some videos and pictures on my boyfriends computer. In no way was I snooping or looking for it. Its funny I was actually looking for a file I had downloaded for Jo application. But instead of locating where I put the download I found some videos and pictures. We have been together for a year now. And I'm 22 and well to put it out there he's my first. I had never been sexual with anyone in my life or in any relationship before him. So needless to say I've experienced everything. And now I have to deal with this. Haha. Not. I'm not sire how to deal with it. I've never watched porn until now to see what he was watching and some of it was disturbing. Some girl on girl bondage and rape. And that does not sit well in my stomach. Other was just normal girl on girl an others. I'm so confused o how I should feel about it. I just feel like it's a slap In the face towards me. Like I'm not satsifying him in some way. Makes me feel inadequate. I know it is normal. I'm just confused and don't know how I should feel. Help!

Don't take it personally. It's not a slap at you. I'm sure that even if you are happy with him, you still read novels or watch films with sexy heroes.

Watching porn is very normal. It's something a lot of men do. And people watch porn about stuff that they wouldn't dream about doing in real life. Rape fantasies are common, for women as well as men. As long as it doesn't transfer into real life, and he treats you with respect, I wouldn't worry about it.

[Raekai22]

If you are referring to action movies like Captain America or the Avengers that is because he likes them. Therefore I watch them. I read books. Don't see how that has anything to do with him watching porn or as anything in similarities with him watching it.
I'm reading the hunger games trilogy. Doesn't mean I masturbate to it.
And I feel like it is a slap in the face to me.
If I am so repulsed by it and it upsets me to an extent, is it okay or me to ask him to stop? I've read other posts. And given mix answers on the topic. Some say if it bothers and hurts you and you tellhim he should be respectful and stop. Just like anything else would hurt you he'd Stop. And others say don't because he'll just do it in private then. Which to me is a double slap in the face because not only does it hurt me but he is also lying to my face about it and going behind my back. Which I'm not okay with.
I'd like and want to know if I'll ever get over it and if it's possible? Or if there is a bright side to this? Haha.

[Fr_Chuck]

No it is not OK to ask him to stop, you do not have to watch it with him. And guess why he was doing it in private, because he realized you would be like this.

You seem so closed minded to it, if you ask him to stop , he will say yes, ( to shut you up and make you happy) he will not stop, he will do a better job of hiding it, perhaps password protect the files.

So if you accept it, let him watch it, tell him it is OK, then he will not have to lie to you.

Again it is not about you, has not been effecting his sex relationship with you.

And you are a women, they don't think or get sexual feelings the same as men, men are stimulated by visual.

You are taking it personal, and since you can not ( or will not because of perhaps purdish values) watch it with him, enjoy it with him, include watching some as part of foreplay on some days. For many couples watching it before can help in role playing, and other sex games to keep bed time fun after it starts to get stale in a few years.

And yes it the same, it would be like him asking you to stop reading any romance books or the such, It is just watching a movie, it is not real life, not real people.

You will not win this one, he will either lie to you, and if you catch him latter be madder ( unless you have learned to open up more sexually) or he will leave you since you are too controlling.

[LostGirl_86]

Let him have his fun... U might even enjoy to watch it with him? Every guy has his sexual fantasies and you can't get that out of them no matter how hard you try. The more open minded you are the less you will have to worry about him hiding things like that!

[talaniman]

I think once you get over the shock value in this discovery, you will give it thought and dismiss this as what guys do in private (women also), and not take it personally, and NOT make this about you and drive yourself nuts trying to make him stop. That's not fair.

Bet you will have many things besides this to discover about your fellow, and judging things from a position of fear, or insecurity will only distract you from the true nature of his character.

What you miss is you have access to his computer, and he doesn't hide what he does privately. That's takes a lot of trust on his part, and a risk that you can handle it. Stay calm and talk honestly without preconditions and you go a lot further than a slap in the face. Its an opportunity to learn, and gain experience.

Its only as big a deal as you make it.