[suhashini]

I ll try to make it short,
I am 21 yo Indian(Hindu- Brahmin) married to a guy working in Germany.
Our marriage is arranged by our elders..
Not even a year has passed after our marriage, but my husband is very hard on me.
I know that he loves me , n I love him too..
For this reason I tried to change myself for me and I have changed a lot according to his wishes...
But he still asks me to adjust change and live according to his wish..
He always mentions I must adjust what ever he does...
He hurts me with words and even hits me for silly reasons.. ( not hard but @ the heat of the moment),
He always praises other women and tries to show me small..
He is never satisfied with me, he says you are very beautiful and suddely says you look ugly..
He mentions I am looking good suddenly states I am looking horrible..
He never likes no matter what I do..
Always finds faults with me..
Even if it is a silly thing..
Our parents even after knowing everything, states that in our culture after marriage how ever the husband is a wife must adjust..
But how much can I still adjust??
They told me that having a kid can make the situation better...
But I really feel depressed..
I decided to make it better by talking to him, but he never listens to me.
Rather I am the listener every time..
I am sick of changing myself according to him..
The fact is I am ready to change only if he too makes some effort to make this work...
He says he ll change for me but he soon reachs back to square one..
I am really feeling sick of this...
Please help me..
I want to fix it before it becomes too late..
Because I don think having a child can fix up things...
Rather it may put our kids in trouble too..

To be short I am in a condition called limbo...
Please help me...
It ll be very kind if there is someone who can help me from some where near...

I live in Hamburg, Germany.

Thanks a lot for reading..
N sorry for posting this long story of mine..
Please help me!!

[smoothy]

i ll try to make it short,
i am 21 yo Indian(Hindu- Brahmin) married to a guy working in Germany.
our marriage is arranged by our elders..
not even a year has passed after our marriage, but my husband is very hard on me.
I know that he loves me , n i love him too..
for this reason i tried to change myself for me n i hav changed a lot according to his wishes....
But he still asks me to adjust change n live according to his wish..
He always mentions i must adjust what ever he does...
he hurts me with words n even hits me for silly reasons.. ( not hard but @ the heat of the moment),
He always praises other women n tries to show me small..
he is never satisfied with me, he says u r very beautiful n suddely says u look ugly..
he mentions i am looking good suddenly states i am looking horrible..
he never likes no matter what i do..
always finds faults with me..
even if it is a silly thing..
our parents even after knowing everything, states that in our culture after marriage how ever the husband is a wife must adjust..
but how much can i still adjust???
they told me that having a kid can make the situation better...
but i really feel depressed..
i decided to make it better by talking to him, but he never listens to me.
Rather i am the listener everytime..
i am sick of changing myself according to him..
the fact is i am ready to change only if he too makes some effort to make this work...
he says he ll change for me but he soon reachs back to square one..
i am really feeling sick of this...
please help me..
i wanna fix it before it becomes too late..
cos i don think having a child can fix up things....
Rather it may put our kids in trouble too..

to be short i am in a condition called limbo....
please help me....
It ll be very kind if there is someone who can help me from some where near...

i live in Hamburg, Germany.

thanks a lot for reading..
n sorry for posting this long story of mine..
please help me!!!!

You don't change others... you accept them as they are or leave. And if it were me I know what I would do. He apparently doesn't think much of you. You don't treat people you love that way... if you think he loves you... you don't understand what love is, and neither does he.

[suhashini]

Now please tell me openly..
Should I stick with him or shall I break up?

[smoothy]

Only YOU can make that decision... because it's a big one... If it was me I would walk... but you have to decide because it's a choice you will have to live with.

[Spirit1966]

Suhahini, sounds like you know what you have to do. Marriage needs sacrifices from both ends to work. Your making a lot of excuses for him. Him hitting you (not hard) jumped out at me. Also bringing a child into this ugly situation would make it more difficult and more painfull to leave. Good luck...