[Thegoodwife]

Hi
I've posted in here before and asked for advice about my reactions to my husband masturbating. I took on some very good advice.
I'm still trying to relax about the whole thing and sometimes I laugh at myself for how ridiculous I am. But other times I just feel the hurt and jealousy that I felt before and I can't shake it off until I have given myself a headache.
I repeat to myself 'relax, everything is fine, you have a lovely caring husband and you want to be a supporting & loving wife'. This helps to some extent and I am able to resist having a little dig at my hubby & try my best not to go all quiet and thoughtful on him. But inside (sometimes) I'm still that insecure jealous person, with a banging headache!
I know I'm a control freak! I realise that my thoughts and actions are irrational and therefore I do want to change ME and my attitude towards my hubby masturbating.
At the moment he is working from home most days. I still vo out to work (my maternity starts in august), so I find myself sat on the train thinking 'is he masturbating to beautiful women right now?' this gives me a feeling of anxiety. When I am at work I am OK most of the time, but when I'm back on the train on my way home I'm feeling the same anxiety :-(
Sometimes I initiate sex before I go to work or I just make him come so that I think if I have satisfied him, he won't feel the urge to masturbate when I'm gone.
I'm trying to control his orgasms! I know I am wrong and I want to relax and just be a normal carefree loving wife.
Any tips on how I can achieve this?
Oh and I want to add... Since I have stopped having my little 'digs' at him, my hubby has become more loving towards me. He can tell I'm trying. But we still only have sex twice a week. Now thAt I'm 26 weeks pregnant and getting bigger/more tired by the day, I am happy with twice a week. But, why can't I accept that he is totally fine to masturbate as well?
I don't need anyone to jump on my back now and tell me I'm a selfish control freak, because I know these things! I want help to become a chilled out, easy going wife. Any advice will be greatly received.
Thanks

[Cat1864]

First, you need to change your thought patterns while you are on the train. It seems to be a period when your imagination is happily running away with you. Time to put it to work on other problems/puzzles. Have you started planning the 'nursery' or making plans for what happens when it is time for the baby to arrive? Do you have any hobbies you could be thinking about other than what he may or may not be doing?

Retraining your brain to not think about or dwell on a subject takes time and a lot of work. Many times a physical habit can be dropped in a few days but the mental aspect sticks with the person for weeks, months, even years. So don't expect an overnight change in the way you act or react. Build on the small advances. Acknowledge but do not dwell on the setbacks. By changing the subject of your thoughts you are breaking out of the mental rut you have been stuck in. If you keep up with it and other thoughts replace the negative ones, you will find the advances bigger and the setbacks smaller.

If there is some part of your brain telling you that getting him off will stop him from masturbating or looking at erotica, then stop. It is adding to the problem. Continue if you can honestly say and believe you are acting because you enjoy it. It is something you want to do and it isn't to control his actions.

Give yourself time. Soon enough your brain is going to be sleep deprived and concerned more about a newborn than it is what your husband is doing-unless he is supposed to be changing the diaper or getting a bottle. Small steps add up.

[Fr_Chuck]

Also you view it as a "beautiful girl" it is a photo or a display, there is no real person.

Next trying to control things you can't control is not healthy. I agree, find things to keep you busy, answering questions on here is a great idea ? Or get a portable game of some type and do games ?

[Wondergirl]

Cat said it all -- "Soon enough your brain is going to be sleep deprived and concerned more about a newborn than it is what your husband is doing-unless he is supposed to be changing the diaper or getting a bottle. Small steps add up."

Yup, soon the last thing you will be worried about will be his masturbating. How life changes!

[Thegoodwife]

Thanks guys. I sometimes read on the train but often find it hard to concentrate and find that even though I'm reading the words I haven't a clue what has happened in the pages! I'll try something more taxing.
We are having fun getting all the baby preparations together! It's been a long time since I last did it! My son is 7 years old. My hubby is amazing step father to him but also my boy is a great lad and very independent. Having a new born will definitely be a massive change for us all.
I don't really have any hobbies but I have one in mind that I want to take up when I'm on maternity and have more time. When I'm having a 'down' day I put myself off this, thinking I'd rather stay in the house or stick around my hubby. Again, this is just to control the situation. But like you said, I have no control over it, I can't be with him 24/7. When our original problem occurred (him texting and receiving indecent images from an ex fling) he mainly did it when he was out at work! I assume in the toilets! Gross if you ask me! So that does prove that I have no control what so ever and if he wants to masturbate he will, wherever he is. I do have to trust that he will not involve another real person though as this is overstepping the mark. That was definitely a form of cheating, even if he didn't do anything physical with her. She was 10 years younger than me, only 20 years old when it was going on.
Something else that I find myself doing is cutting short my time with friends, or checking the family callendar to see if hubby has any plans at the same time?? If he has, for example if he is going to a game or working, I'll happily spend time with my friends. But if he has nothing on and will be at home alone (son in bed) I'll cut my night short and won't enjoy it properly because of my controlling/negative thoughts. Or I will make my excuses and not even go at all. I know this isn't healthy and it's something else that I want to get over. I saw myself becoming a paranoid obsessive and I know I need to stop that destructive behaviour before I make myself mentally and physically I'll.
My hubby is so carefree and happy in his life (now that we have got over his indiscretion). He trusts me totally and I know he loves me so much. I want to take a leaf out of his book.