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Baby_Mama_Drama · Feb 24, 2007, 02:52 PM

What would you do if you didn't know what to do with the people in your family because every time you try to do something they get into your business what would you do if you just wanted to get out but could what would u do tell me and give me so ideas please.

shygrneyzs · Feb 24, 2007, 03:03 PM

Well, to be very honest with you, what exactly are you talking about? If you give an example of something you tried to do and how your family intervened or got into "your buisiness" that would be helpful. To answer your question as stated is a shot in the dark.

kristynn · Feb 24, 2007, 04:31 PM

Just ignore them. It's none of their business! :)

Though, I'm not sure I understood your question well (lacking details).

Baby_Mama_Drama · Feb 24, 2007, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by kristynn

Just ignore them. It's none of their business! :)

Though, I'm not sure I understood your question well (lacking details).

Ok what i am trying to say is that my family isn't exactly one of the most nicest families in this world they yell at me none stop and they just are really rude especially my 2nd oldest brother mark he is just plain rude so what i would like some help on is how to either make them stop or just plain get out of this house.

Baby_Mama_Drama · Feb 24, 2007, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Well, to be very honest with you, what exactly are you talking about? If you give an example of something you tried to do and how your family intervened or got into "your buisiness" that would be helpful. To answer your question as stated is a a shot in the dark.

Ok for example whenever i try to talk about something that is going wrong in my life my mother doesn't listen all she does is ignore me and then start yelling at me and to tell you the truth i really can't take anymore of it so what i want help on is to either make them stop or just plain get out of this house.

kristynn · Feb 24, 2007, 09:42 PM

I doubt that you can make them stop but you can try probably by really standing out for yourself. Should you ask for RESPECT? Definitely.

Though your mom doesn't listen to you and your brother is rude. Again, as I said earlier, I think that the best thing to do is to ignore their comments. I don't know if this "ignoring technique" is going to work but you can try it... Maybe later on they'll realize that you're very quiet and come and ask you "what's up".

Why don't you talk to your good friends instead? I'm sure they'd be more receptive.

I may be very off with this answer, but I don't see what else you could do.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 24, 2007, 09:52 PM

Why not take a different approach. Trying to make them stop is counterproductive. What you need to do is approach the situation differently. What you need to do is look at your part in all of this as well. Your part in how you look at this. You can not force somebody to change their ways but you could change the way you feel by the way you react to how they treat you. If you react the same all the time then your actually making the problem worse. Change your reaction, change your approach then maybe and only if you patient then things will start to change.

OH AND BY THE WAY, ALL CAPITALS LETTERS ARE A FORM OF YELLING IS THIS WHAT YOU DO ALL THE TIME IN YOUR REACTION WHEN YOU DO NOT LIKE SOMETHING OR AGREE WITH SOMETHING? JUST CURIOUS.

Best of luck to you. If changing your approach and reaction to them does not work then counseling for you is a must.

Joe

chuff · Feb 24, 2007, 10:02 PM

Hey BMD, can I ask how old you are? If your over 18 you can legally leave and I would suggest it because I had a father who was similar to what you describe and getting out is not only good for you but teaches you about the real world.

That being said here are some ideas you can apply when a family member goes nuts.

1. When you see someone go into attack mode or excess defensiveness, recognize that it is useless to argue with them.

2. Realize that the person is feeling very insecure at that time. Understand that there insecurities belong to them. They are trying to transfer it on to you by bringing you down to their level. Do not fall for it or accept it. If you brother begins to yell flat out ask him if he feels that is the only way to get a result. Whatever his answer is tell him that a mature person is willing to listen and not yell to get his way. If he continues yelling ignore him. Remember his insecurties belong to him. So let him keep them.

3. Don't continue to push them because they will only get worse. If the problem only seems to occur when the person is under stress, wait until another time to pursue the conversation.

4. If your family are always overly defensive or always attacking others, you may need to find another person to confide in with who does not have the same problem. If you have to come here. This website is a great resource and a great learning tool.

5. Keep your own sense of self-confidence and don't allow yourself to be verbally abused. If you family must be like this ask them when they go into that that state of emotion, "Is that your comfort zone? You have to raise your voice because you can't have a civilized discussion?" (I actually saw that on Dr. Phil once when some lady started yelling at Dr. Phil and he yelled that line back to her. She shut up immediately. I've probably watched Dr. Phil 10 times but I still learned something from him!)