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Same Here
I don't know if we are just wired different than other people but I am going through the same thing. My husband and I have been together for 9 years when we were first datingI was so in love with him and he started seeing his ex again for a week before his niece told me and I confronted him. He lied of course so I called her myself and found out then he admitted it. He was a virgin when we got together and I have to this day still been the only one that I know of. He bought porn magazines and I found them and it upset me very much because this made me feel like I was not enough for him, when I asked him about it he said he was curious on what other women looked like naked. If your in love with someone why would you even care what other people looked like naked? I don't, I couldn't care less because its not all about sex to me I need the connection in a relationship. Since we first got together I have gained weight also noones fault but mine especially not his but He looks at me diffrently. He says he don't and Im beautiful but you know when someone looks at you like they want you or they look at you normally. So when we go into public and I catch him looking at another girl it hurts my feelings, I get sad he asks me what's wrong I tell him how he made me feel and he gets mad and lies by saying he didn't look. Then after a ridiculous fight and hours of me crying later he says I don't look like check them out I notice them... Whats the diffrence it's the same thing! Not a big deal he notices them but in my mind he's being curious again and thinking what she's like in bed... What if that curiosity takes it too far and I loose him just so he can see what it feels like to have sex with another woman. Every time he talks to another girl, looks, does anything it bothers me cause he lies so much about little things why would I think he would tell me the truth about something big... We have 2 kids together and I couldn't imagine my life without him but my life with him sucks cause I can't get over my disstrust in him. We are missing something in our relationship the sex is great, we can still make each other laugh but the connection don't feel as strong to me! I don't know what happen along the way I use to not care about other women but its so bad now that I have to walk away in fear I might snap because this feeling in my stomach starts to happen and I can't breath and I feel rage and hate for the women and I don't even know them. Im afraid its going to drive me crazy... I am not happy, I think I need therapy ! I feel like I come second to everything with him the only thing I should come second to is God and our children... I am his wife the way I feel should mean something, what I ask of him should mean something.. I don't even tell him to stop looking I ask that he don't do it in front of me cause it makes me feel like I mean nothing to him... When I go somewhere I'm not looking at other men I am completley attracted to him I put all my time and energy in him I couls care less about anyone else I know he's the one and only for me but I can't help the way I feel, so don't feel bad your not the only one feeling like that. These other people have good advise but until you have experienced it you don't know how it feels you don't know how useless you feel or how alone. Anyway, hopefully everyone that is going through this including me will find peace some how some way...
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