[Josskacer]

Okay my best friend, someone I have known for about six years is getting a PhD in biology. As part of her research she had to go out of town about two months ago and use a special microscope at another institution. While there the lab technician who was assigned to her made a pass at her. He asked her out and she said no. Later on he tried to kiss her against her will. I thought that it was odd that she didn't want to report it to a supervisor. She said that she didn't want to upset him because "he likes me and isn't charging me for a lot of microscope time." I thought that was odd.

Last week she had to return to this lab and work with this man again. This time, according to her, he kept touching her inappropriately and making lewd remarks. Again she did nothing. She complained to me about it on the phone and I offered to send him an email explaining to him that those advances were making her uncomfortable and to stop. She told me not to. She complained everyday about it and when I asked her why she wasn't being more forceful to stop him her reply was"I need his help for my work. I would have to do so much more of this myself if he wasn't there." This shocked me.

Now I must confess that recently my friend and I have confessed that we have feelings for each other and have begun dating but her conduct is making me a little disgusted. To top it off she went to dinner with this man the last night she was there. When I asked her why she would want to go have dinner with someone who groped and harassed her she said "he helped me a lot and I don't want to be rude. I might need him again.".

Am I over reacting by thinking this is a bit slutty? It seems unfathomable to me that this women would allow this man to force himself on her and be so casual about it simply because "she might need him in the future?" I was attracted to this women because she seemed to have integrity and high standards but now I have lost a lot of respect for her. Am I over reacting here?

[talaniman]

Drop it, leave it alone, but pay very close attention guy if you continue dating. This may be what you need to get her off a pedestal you have seemingly put her on. Friends and colleagues are different than dating, and it just might be she handles MANY things differently than you do.

Is this a red flag?? Could be. Consider yourself on alert, and see what else is revealed. I have to admit, not many threads make me go What! This one did.