[chris3535]

Hi. This is my first post and it's been very helpful reading other posts and answers, this is a great place.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. She is 23, I am 26. For months and months she has wanted to get engaged, and to live together. She made it very clear that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She didn't even want a ring, just wanted me. She wanted us to look for a place together, and we did find a great home. I got excited about all of this stuff happening and loved it. Then in the beginning of April she said that she thinks maybe we should slow down on the engagement talk and not rush the process. We had a plan, I moved into the townhouse first, and then she would join me once engaged which would have been a few months after (I moved in March) Also the townhouse is in her town less than a mile from her parents' house, where she lives, and her grandparents. She is very family oriented. I told her that I understood and said that I agree and we were on the same page there.

Then on April 13th, she wanted to talk, and told me how she woke up one day and just feels very different, that she started to have doubts about us, about me, and everything. She said how confused she is and doesn't know why all of these emotions hit her out of nowhere. She isn't sure if she loves me as much as I love her right now. It was a tough talk, hours long, both of us very emotional.no anger, no fighting (we actually never have had an actual loud intense fight.a couple small disagreements that are over quick but no fights) The talk ended with some uncertainty of what she wanted and what we should do. She said maybe we should take a break or maybe not. So we just kind of decided that she needed to think about things for a bit. The week was tough because I tried to give space. Then Friday she wanted to talk over dinner, so we went out. And she decided she wanted to stay together and try and work out her feelings, but with some space. But there was an uncertain tone to her voice. She wanted to try to keep us together but couldn't promise how things will go. I gave space, we saw each other a few times and had fun days together, with some dialed back affection from the space. Then two nights ago after a night out ( I noticed something was off) and we talked on the ride home, and she said that she thinks we just need to break up because this wasn't working the way we tried to keep it going while she has been feeling this way. Again there was uncertainty in her voice that she doesn't really know what she wants, and even said. We might get back together we might not I don't know. I asked her four times nicely in the car if there was someone else, and she said well she had started talking to someone during our "break" of sorts. That hurts to hear, but I don't think it's the cause of all this I think it's her way of seeking something during this time. She did assure me that this isn't like her wanting to ditch me and jump into someone else's arms.

I think this is all from the stress and realization of the talk of engagement and living together. It became real and not just an idea, and it started to rapidly approach, and I believe that sparked all kinds of doubts and feelings, she has anxiety and struggles with decision making. I think it was a lot all at once that hit her out of nowhere. She says she doesn't think that's it, but it makes sense that it is. She doesn't want me out of her life and wants to still communicate, and even texted me the next morning and even asked if we could still go see my nephew next week. I'm torn between, thinking it's all totally over, or if she does need her time to herself and I need to not contact her to make her miss me and realize what she has with me. The wrinkle in it is how willing she was to start talking to someone right away. However I think that's more of a defense mechanism for her to have attention from someone, since we are in a break mode and there is space.

Do I cut off contact and hope she comes around and works things out on her own? I still think I need to let her know that I care and want her, but that I'm OK and moving forward with my own life. We are both young and perhaps this was a good thing to have happened now, and not after engagement or moving in. I'm moving forward and coping, but part of me still thinks she will come around and work out her emotions and realize. Her mom did a similar thing with her husband when she was my girls' age. They got to a very serious level, and she decided she wanted to be single again for a time and dated other men for a short period, then realized she did indeed want to marry him, and did. Perhaps she needs to find her independent self first before the next level. I don't know. This is long I apologize ha.Thank you for any help on this subject, I really appreciate any advice or thoughts. I'm struggling through this, but I feel content and positive. I want to marry her, and all I want is for her to be happy, even if that means being without me for a while.

[talaniman]

You have done your part, now disappear and let her decide if she wants to do hers! She has options, yet you are in limbo. What's wrong with that picture? You chase she runs, oh hell NO!!

I would give her all the time and space she needs and whatever she wants of you make her earn it. Naw scratch that last comment, about earning it, that's just me, but I would have disappeared from her life when she first balked to be honest, especially after all that engagement crap she fed you.

Just give her space, and let her mull it all over, talk to the new guy, and if they don't work, DON'T be around for sloppy seconds. I am offended for you!

She does need to know you don't share for any reason, no way, no how! Thats a must.