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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 05:05 PM
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So you will just add more of your words to your stanzas?
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 05:07 PM
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Well yeah like taking out useless words and putting in words from the article and alliteration etc.
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Ultra Member
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May 5, 2012, 05:10 PM
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Wondergirl, you're a wonder.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 05:16 PM
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I tweaked the first two verses (but am not finished with them yet) --
In the north woods,
We love our cabin, so
In the early summer twilight,
We’ve spent our weekends with birds,
Trees and nature.
The surprise of beautiful colors,
Sounds, and foreign smells
Make it similar
To a powerhouse orchestra.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
Wondergirl, you're a wonder.
You're supposed to be asleep.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 05:21 PM
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If the list word is "opening," are you allowed to use "opened" (not really the same use of the word).
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 06:59 PM
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Thanks so much is really sweet of you helping me without knowing me, what do you want in change? You did a wonderful job with the 2 first stanzas!!
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 07:03 PM
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You are really WONDERGIRL!! THANKS!!
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 07:09 PM
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Do you ever sleep??
I've been working on them, trying to fit in more list words.
In the north woods,
We love our modest cabin, so
In the early summer twilight,
We've spent our weekends with nature,
Including domestic birds in high trees.
The surprise of beautiful colors,
Softer sounds, and foreign smells
Make it similar
To a powerhouse orchestra.
[Need one more line]
We run to the produce markets in America
That show the worldwide products of nature.
There are no massive hunger games,
Just globally good food.
[Need one more line for this stanza]
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 07:12 PM
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What do you mean if I ever sleep? Thank you tell me in what I can help you?
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Cats Expert
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May 5, 2012, 07:41 PM
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By George, I think you ladies have got it.
Can't wait for the final draft.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 07:45 PM
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Isn't it the middle of the night where you are?
For another stanza, am trying to fit more words in with what you suggested --
Slapstick Stooges’ stellar performances of comedy
[need something to bridge to the next lines]
We must take care of nature,
So that we may leave our children,
In a better world.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 07:56 PM
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leftover words
Braking
Consecutive
Debuted
Franchise
Opened
Putting
Record
Rolling
Similar
Third
Total
Turned
Whether
So far --
In the north woods,
We love our modest cabin, so
In the early summer twilight,
We've spent our weekends with nature,
Including domestic birds and high trees.
The surprise of beautiful colors,
Softer sounds, and foreign smells
Make it similar
To a powerhouse orchestra.
We run to the produce markets in America
Which show the worldwide products of nature.
There are no massive hunger games,
Just globally good food.
Rerelease slapstick Stooges' stellar performances of comedy?
Launch a modern Titanic from overseas?
Debut the battleship of the century?
Gross two million at the box office?
No!
What's the avatar that shows our profile?
It's a glimpse of nature --
To remind us that we must leave our children
In a better world.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 08:02 PM
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1. I put the words into lists for nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs.
2. I used your base of stanzas and plugged in more words.
3. It was getting confusing, so I alphabetized each list and deleted each word when I used it.
4. I plugged in more words and rewrote parts of it to make sense.
5. I had a nervous breakdown.
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 08:05 PM
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Here is 10:05
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 08:08 PM
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May I have an empanada now please?
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 08:19 PM
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Did you see post #74 and #75?
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 08:23 PM
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What do you mean may I have an empanada?
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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May 5, 2012, 08:37 PM
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You said you speak Spanish as a first language, so I figure you know about empanadas. I live in the Chicago area with many Spanish-speaking people who would bring empanadas to us who worked at the library.
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Junior Member
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May 5, 2012, 11:13 PM
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Just check'n this out and I'm impressed! Excellent teaching moment, the student was ready to learn and the teacher arrived prepared to teach! One observation... see if the lines are within the amount allowed, then again you might yet be working on it. A fine job so far you both have done with this poetic creation! Maria get 5 Stars * * * * * and Wondergirl gets an empanada! :-)
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