[SAMALEXA]

My boyfriend just just passed away a month ago.. they found his body outside from an overdose and my emotions are going crazy... one day I'm fine the next I'm crying like crazy... I miss him so much... I keep thinking the "what if" and I should probably stop because it really doesn't matter.. we had 4 children together and I see him in every one of them... I still picture him coming up the stairs or being silly like he always was.. or for a split seconed I will be telling myself I have to go get him... but then reality kicks in that I will never see him again... I don't ever want to move on with anyone else... I just want to wait until its my time to see him and be with him again... I don't ever want that feeling where I want to move on with another person is that possible my feelings will stay the same that I have now by not moving on?

[JudyKayTee]

Grief is an odd emotion, different to a degree in everyone, similar in everyone. The pain does get better. Eventually you have to get back living, for yourself, for your children. I know people who have grieved for years but I wouldn't say they haven't moved on.

My problem is your children - they should go on, and I don't know if they can if you are stuck in place.

[joypulv]

He is in each one of your children. Look for him there.
Don't kick yourself when you forget that you aren't going to go get him. Talk to him when you cook, drive, watch TV, help the kids. If they ask who you are talking to, tell them.

[Wondergirl]

A Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross came up with the Five Stages of Grief and wrote a book about the grieving process (On Death and Dying). She said one usually goes through the five stages in no particular order, over and over again, for at least the first year, and most likely during the rest of your life as memories of the loved one get triggered by smells, sights, sounds, even tastes and touch.

Here are her five stages (from Wikipedia) --

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death. Denial can be conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, or the reality of the situation. Denial is a defense mechanism and some people can become locked in this stage.

2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief.

3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..." People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation.

5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.