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    LBP's Avatar
    LBP Posts: 206, Reputation: 42
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    #1

    Feb 23, 2007, 06:23 PM
    Why ask. (this is for dumpers)
    When you don't want to hear the answer? This is to dumpers specifically. I know that basically everyone reacts the same way to being dumped and virtually all the dumpers expect the opposite reaction from the people they leave. Yet it's a standard tactic for a dumper to call their dumpee, ask them how they're doing, then get offended/angry when the question they ask is answered honestly... Why do that? Why pretend to be interested in someone's well being when you're only interested in hearing what you want to hear?

    Is it expected that the person in question lie about their feelings, in order to appear stronger than they are? I've heard dumpees say it again and again "I pretended to be okay and things went really well!" So you HAVE to pretend in order to perform meaningful conversation? That seems crazy, illogical.

    Perhaps my question is just a round about way of reaffirming no contact...
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #2

    Feb 23, 2007, 06:31 PM
    Honesty is the halmark of a healthy relationship. When we are accepted and when we accept we thrive. Sure, "pretend" to game-up a little in the short term. BUT someone you love and respect it would be a bit painful, and perhaps impractical, to lie completely if trying to share a conversation about the prospects of a real relationship.


    And besides, suffering more "for them" is not necesssary.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #3

    Feb 23, 2007, 06:34 PM
    Are you saying that the person who dumps their bf/gf, calls the dumpee after the fact to ask how they are doing? How rude! Terribly insensitive.

    I have been the one who has ended a relationship and I do not do that. That is plain mean. What could I accomplish by that? Rub their nose in it?

    Once the relationship has ended, that is pretty much it. You may run into each other like at a mall or out to eat but not to do that on purpose, especially if the dumpee was really upset and hurt.
    LBP's Avatar
    LBP Posts: 206, Reputation: 42
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    #4

    Feb 23, 2007, 06:39 PM
    It seems fairly typical... Especially if the dumper says "I want to be friends" at the end of their dumping.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #5

    Feb 23, 2007, 07:32 PM
    Oh yeah, the "I want to be friends" line of b.s. I have had that handed to me enough times too. That really helps get over the breakup. (rolls my eyes)
    Teaching's Avatar
    Teaching Posts: 198, Reputation: 28
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    #6

    Feb 23, 2007, 11:15 PM
    I think the dumpers feel guilty and perhaps they ask all the wrong things
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