[Elousia]

I have been seeing her since mid Jan, pretty much once a week. We missed a week here and there. She bailed on me once and I on her once. Always dinner. We spoke on the phone for a month or two. I would send her random texts, she always responded. I'm 31, her 38. We started sleeping together the last couple dinners... although we ordered in last visit. We text once a day to each other with well wishes. There is too much to type but for me ,(tal) I'm wandering how to lay it all out there so I can be completely open and honest. Lay it out there with how I feel. Any thoughts?

It just doesn't feel right if we continue this road. It's not something I would want to continue if there isn't certain things said. It's a fine line from appearing needy and what I am asking advice for...

[mmresd]

How about sitting down and talking to her about if your feelings are being reciprocated? You only seem needy when you expect something, do it casually.

[Wondergirl]

What do you want to "lay out there"? Are you wondering if she's on the same page as you? (and what page are you on?)

[Elousia]

Seeing each other on friday's only, at this point and its just not going to work anymore. It's been 4 months, we are sleeping together now, we both want the same things. Marrige, kids, cooking at home, her being pampered,me pampering her, fun, a relationship. In my ideal world we would be engaged by year end and her pregnant. I want us to be in a relationship. Spending most of our time, NOT all. All the things in the vows. I know she wants this too.

This is what is frustrating:

Tonight she had to cancel, she told me wedensday and we spoke in text yesterday and today. I believe her completely. She said next week for sure. She works Saturday and Sunday and doesn't get home till about 7-9pm. She says she is too tired to be together before she goes to sleep, as she has to wake up at 8am. Up to this point I have been okay with that, not a prob. At this point I want to start spending that time together. Sleep in the same bed. Talk about the day. Watch some TV. You know? It doesn't have to be always.right away.

Am I wrong here? We don't talk on the phone between fridays either. Just text each other once a day.

This is her words.

Here goes my list... No beating around the bush...

I'm always a very straight-forward person.

Right now, I'm looking for a serious monogamous relationship that will lead to marriage. I want someone who's faithful, loyal, honest, crazy about me, have eyes only for me, have a good job, good with money, healthy, good cook, and who'll totally pamper me and worship the ground I walk on.

In return, I promise to love you forever and ever. I will never cheat on you, and will have eyes only for you. I promise to love you through good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, until death do us part... And most importantly, I will actually mean it!!

Then she says this...

I am not so much looking for looks... But the chemistry between us.


I worry that the chemistry is there but she although feels it some, she isn't feeling it. I blame this on me having a hard time opening up and letting her in and being completely myself without holding back because I see her for like 5 hours a week to this point.

Also I worry when she says I'm not so much looking for looks... She thiknks I'm hot. I worry because I found her on a few dating websites today, and she has been on them within the last week...

[Wondergirl]

If she's hanging out on dating web sites...

I don't sense much chemistry.

[Elousia]

You I know, that's why I'm saying I have to lay it out there because that will be the only way the chemistry will come...

This is why Im not going to hold back and am going to lay it out there... I was stunned to see she was on dating websites still... im giving her the benefit of the doubt but I'm not a sucker either... I don't know whether she has been on these sites since we starting sleeping together or not but, This is why I hold back in bed, I don't want a woman basing their decision to be with me on sex... I can't perform as well as I know I can if I don't trust her... I hold back because I don't know where this is going, if its for real or not...

[Wondergirl]

ya i know, thats why im saying i have to lay it out there because that will be the only way the chemistry will come...

No, that's not how the chemistry comes.

[Elousia]

I will update you next week when I see her... or tmrw... who knows... im either going to sweep her off her feet or the other...

Chemistry where? We get along, she texts me everyday... We were together last Friday and the Friday before and for the last 4 months like this. We're progressing...

text from her today...

:-)I think so too!... There's definitely potential for this thing between us to go somewhere:-)Today is no good at all, I have to pick up some feng shui stuff..yada yada...then ive got to help do some stuff around the house for her...So really can't see you today:-(We'll see each other next week for sure though! Have a great day!

That was her response to me telling her this morning that I don't think this Friday only thing is going to work out and I want more...

[Wondergirl]

chemistry where? we get along, she texts me everyday...We were together last friday and the friday before and for the last 4 months like this. We're progressing....

text from her today...

:-)I think so too!... There's definitely potential for this thing between us to go somewhere:-)Today is no good at all, I have to pick up some feng shui stuff..yada yada...then ive got to help do some stuff around the house for her...So really can't see you today:-(We'll see each other next week for sure though! Have a great day!


that was her response to me telling her this morning that I don't think this friday only thing is going to work out and i want more...

Why am I not excited?

[Elousia]

I want her. I lack dominating on things like moving forward such as staying over at each other's houses and seeing more of each other...

I want to tell her that my roommate wants to moveout and said I can move with him if I want. With that I want to then say to her that id rather be giving $600 towards her mortgage and stay a few nights a week at her place and then a few nights by my work, like my mom or brother's houses.

I want to tell her that I want this whole year to be a surprise everyday, along with the security that we are budgeting for a future and growing into a loving happy family... I want to tell her that If I am going to be with her at 38 and me 31 that I think we should get to being engaged and pregnant by the end of the year, getting to know each other and learning how to better communicate through arguments, make up..

I want to tell her... more...

Why am I not excited?

Isn't that good? She is saying she wants to be with me?

[Wondergirl]

Tell her how you want to move in with her. (I'll watch your back.)

[Elousia]

Why am I not excited?

Why don't u think I should care that she said that?

Tell her how you want to move in with her. (I'll watch your back.)

? What do you mean? Why are you just negating what she said?

She is telling me she wants me too am I wrong?

Hello?

[Wondergirl]

Isn't that good? She is saying she wants to be with me?

When did she say this?

[Elousia]

:-)I think so too!... There's definitely potential for this thing between us to go somewhere:-)

that was in response to me saying

I want to be spending more time together other then just on Friday thing... I believe there to be a lot more potenital in this relationship with each oter.

I also said that iIm liking what I'm seeing with her and would like to talks so we can be upfront with each other so we aren't assuming things...

I know what I have to do, keep living my life, and next week when I see her, she is going to become mine... metaphorically speaking...

I don't know why YOU's be HATING on me...

[Wondergirl]

:-)I think so too!... There's definitely potential for this thing between us to go somewhere:-)

that was in response to me saying

i want to be spending more time together other then just on friday thing...I believe there to be a lot more potenital in this relationship with each oter.

Potential, she says. Like the potential dates she chats with on dating sites.

Potential means "might happen, but no guarantee."

I don't know why YOU's be HATING on me...

I'm not hating on you. I'm wondering why you see more in this than she does.

[Elousia]

Because we were clear in the beginning as to what we want and where this is going... it has been escalating for 4 months now, so I just think this is going to be the next level, not a guarantee, but we will see...

No, that's not how the chemistry comes.

How does it come? There has to be chemistry if we have been seeing each other for 3 months and then sleep together... and still show interest sincerely to one another as best we can..

[Wondergirl]

how does it come? there has to be chemistry if we have been seeing each other for 3 months and then sleep together...and still show interest sincerely to one another as best we can..

And you find her on dating sites?

[LadySam]

then I've got to help do some stuff around the house for her...

Who is her? A family member, a room mate, does she have obligations to someone other than herself?

[DoulaLC]

If she is still visiting dating websites, she is keeping her options open. It appears that you are far more into the relationship than she is. You are already envisioning a life together with budgeting for a future and her pregnant by the end of the year. She, on the other hand, sees "some potential" in the relationship. There is quite a difference in the two perceptions of where things are right now.

Lay it out there for her the next time you see her. Tell her how you feel, what you would like to see happen sometime in the future after you get to know each other better. Which, by the way, should come before a pregnancy!

She will either share your enthusiasm, or back off because you are jumping ahead too quickly. You have only been dating for 4 months and hardly even speak to each other... seeing each other just once a week (texting is not speaking to each other). Have some more face to face conversations for awhile or at least actually talk on the phone.

Then you will know whether she feels the same as you do. If she does, wonderful... you'll have a great time getting to know each other better. If not, then you'll know that you will need ease off and take things more slowly, or perhaps you may decide that the two of you are not destined to be together after all.

[Elousia]

Who is her? A family member, a room mate, does she have obligations to someone other than herself?

Mom

I don't see how its too quickly.

I'm 31 and she is 38. We know what we want. We aren't getting any younger. I would never have spent these last 4-5 months talking with her. I sure as wouldn't have slept with her.

I'm pretty sure it was clear she wants the same thing. People change. How do we know if the chemistry now will be any good when it comes to family life.

I was surprised she has all these accounts of dating websites going. I don't even know what made me check. I went on a whim and typed her username. I think it's a good thing because I was already getting very impatient, this will come to a conclusion now.