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OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 12:57 PM

I don't mean the jokes that circulate like if you ask "can I go out for a beer instead of dinner with your mother" and she says FINE but is actually upset and doesn't want you to do that.

I mean something different. I have a thread that started getting out of hand about some other issues but I want some input on this specific thing.

This link humorously covers it:

What people really mean when they say they are “FINE”

For example, in my mind, if I ask how dinner was, and you say "good" then, well, it was a very above average, enjoyable experience.

If, on the other hand, you say "fine" it means it was run of the mill, acceptable, not bad but not good enough to call "good".

My quesiton on the Adult Sexuality forum was about my wife and my sex life and one of the things I was concerned was her satisfaction. If I ask her "how was it" she never says anything but "oh, it was fine honey" or something involving the word "fine."

Never "great" or "good" or whatever, just "fine".

To me, that sounds like room for improvement, but I am not going to "nag" her about it. However, if there IS legitimately room for improvement, I want to know.

To avoid a long, drawn out thread, I only really want answers to the question about your experiences about using the word "fine" in this context.

Another part of the question is could the meaning be different depending on personality? I'm very expressive, enthusiastic, a little manic, so if something is good I say good, or great, or excellent. If I say "fine" I literally mean "just OK" or "gets the job done" or "not bad but nothing to write home about".

My wife, however, is much more low-key and mild-mannered. She rarely gets very excited or very upset.

Depressed in MO · May 2, 2012, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

I don't mean the jokes that circulate like if you ask "can I go out for a beer instead of dinner with your mother" and she says FINE but is actually upset and doesn't want you to do that.

I mean something different. I have a thread that started getting out of hand about some other issues but I want some input on this specific thing.

This link humorously covers it:

What people really mean when they say they are “FINE”

For example, in my mind, if I ask how dinner was, and you say "good" then, well, it was a very above average, enjoyable experience.

If, on the other hand, you say "fine" it means it was run of the mill, acceptable, not bad but not good enough to call "good".

My quesiton on the Adult Sexuality forum was about my wife and my sex life and one of the things I was concerned was her satisfaction. If I ask her "how was it" she never says anything but "oh, it was fine honey" or something involving the word "fine."

Never "great" or "good" or whatever, just "fine".

To me, that sounds like room for improvement, but I am not going to "nag" her about it. However, if there IS legitimately room for improvement, I want to know.

To avoid a long, drawn out thread, I only really want answers to the question about your experiences about using the word "fine" in this context.

Another part of the question is could the meaning be different depending on personality? I'm very expressive, enthusiastic, a little manic, so if something is good I say good, or great, or excellent. If I say "fine" I literally mean "just OK" or "gets the job done" or "not bad but nothing to write home about".

My wife, however, is much more low-key and mild-mannered. She rarely gets very excited or very upset.

HA! This is an interesting topic to me, because I too have issues with the word "fine"-I think like you do, and I am female. For example: If I try to dress myself up, or look sexy for, or whatever-something nice for my man, and then ask "how do I look honey"?-when I get the response "oh you look fine babe, now let's go!"... I automatically feel let down as if all that hard work/effort I put into trying to make him happy didn't make a difference to HIM. Now I know it shouldn't matter what other people think, but in some instances, when this word is used, it does.

Same thing for when I cook something different/out of the ordinary. I try my best to make a "memorable" meal, and it ends up just being "fine"... I don't know-feels kind of like a let-down.

OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 01:29 PM

THANK YOU for confirming that I am not crazy! Well, at least for this reason, haha.

That's exactly what I mean.

Depressed in MO · May 2, 2012, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

THANK YOU for confirming that I am not crazy! Well, at least for this reason, haha.

That's exactly what I mean.

Hey I don't think you are crazy! Now others might, but I've been in the "fine" situation too many times and I'm quite certain there's a difference between "fine" and "good".

In fact, if my partner were to ask me what's wrong, and I were to be too pissed off about it, I'd answer "I'm fine!"... when in reality, I'm not. :)

OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 01:58 PM

Thanks again.

Fine just seems like almost a very sterile answer, like "it does the job" but that's about it. Neither good nor bad.

Chardel · May 2, 2012, 03:06 PM

I have a rather humorous definition of the word "fine" which pretty much sums up the word in it's entirety.
F- F*@&#d up,
I- insecure
N-neurotic
E-emotional

Share this definition with your Wife and see if her answer changes when the next time she says "fine" , you respond with I'll just bet you are!! My husband use this a source of humor in our marriage.
You could also try banning the use of the word all together, both of you, do this as an exercise in vocabulary. You may use any other word but that one... see what happens.
As for the sex life well I'll leave it up to your imagination to make some improvements there... just remember that communication is one of the most important parts of a marriage. Laughter is way up there on the list too, so see if you can get a few giggles out of your confusion over the word "fine".

Wondergirl · May 2, 2012, 06:37 PM

It all depends on the tone that's used.

OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 08:02 PM

She says it usually rather cheerfully.

Wondergirl · May 2, 2012, 08:12 PM

Cheerily dismissive or cheerily enthusiastic?

OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

cheerily dismissive or cheerily enthusiastic?

Hard to say, but it's the same tone she uses if I get her flowers and she says thank you.

Wondergirl · May 2, 2012, 08:15 PM

How does it compare to the burnt Christmas cookies "fine"?

OneDude79 · May 2, 2012, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How does it compare to the burnt Christmas cookies "fine"?

Well since that was ME saying it, I don't know. My Fine clearly meant "just OK" but was a tone of "don't worry about it".

Wondergirl · May 2, 2012, 08:30 PM

So cheerily dismissive?

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 01:22 PM

Yeah, I guess.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 01:26 PM

So on a scale from one to five, with "cheerily dismissive" being at one and "cheerily enthusiastic" at five, where would you put your wife's "fine" on that scale? And where would you put your burnt Christmas cookie "fine"?

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 01:28 PM

I'd say 3.5 to 4.0.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

I'd say 3.5 to 4.0.

Who for what?

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Who for what?

Sorry. I missed that part posting from my Android while on hold at work. Whoops!

3.5 to 4 for hers.

My "cookies" fine was more of a flat 3, right up the middle.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 01:40 PM

So her "fine" isn't really all that "bad."

And ever though they were burnt, you felt the Christmas cookies (that YOU made) could still be eaten and enjoyed. She didn't dump them into the garbage and do them over until they were fives on my scale.

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 02:05 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So her "fine" isn't really all that "bad."

And ever though they were burnt, you felt the Christmas cookies (that YOU made) could still be eaten and enjoyed. She didn't dump them into the garbage and do them over until they were fives on my scale.

I never said it was, but I think what you said proves my point, which is that "fine" means "acceptable" but leaves room for improvement. Not a ringing endorsement for sure, but not a failure, either.

Kind of like getting a C+ on an exam. I passed, but won't get calls from Harvard over it.