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OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So her "fine" isn't really all that "bad."

And ever though they were burnt, you felt the Christmas cookies (that YOU made) could still be eaten and enjoyed. She didn't dump them into the garbage and do them over until they were fives on my scale.

No, we didn't dump them out.

That said, we both KNEW what was wrong to avoid it next time, if possible. Hence, again, my other point on my way-too-long other thread. ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, I just need to know what kept the "fine" from being a "good".

Sorry, I know this is probably annoying. I just don't know if you can truly understand how this makes me feel.

By the way I started reading the book last night. :) Haven't talked to my wife yet though, she hasn't seen it yet.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 03:23 PM

"Fine" is better than "good."

We eat off my mom's fine china at holiday meals. On Sundays we eat off the good china.

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 03:29 PM

Different definition but, maybe I am making too much a big deal out of it.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

maybe I am making too much a big deal out of it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Chardel · May 3, 2012, 03:56 PM

Yup

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by Chardel

yup

Yup to who? Haha.

Chardel · May 3, 2012, 04:02 PM

You
Lol
Stop over thinking this... you are stressing instead of laughing... life is wwwaaayyyyy tooo short to be obsessing over the word "fine" if you feel that you are doing a c+ job then you have room for improvement... obsess over THAT and shoot for an A+.

DoulaLC · May 3, 2012, 04:14 PM

Maybe make her up some score cards!. :) <jk> Well, sort of anyway. If she appears to be enjoying herself, then great. You done good. No need to fish for confirmation is there?

Do you ever tell HER how good it was? See what her response would be if you held her close afterwards and said something to the effect of, "Oh, baby, that was incredible! You are absolutely amazing! I thought I was about to black out for a minute there!" Ok, maybe that was a bit over the top, but you get the idea.

Since she is more low-key, her perception of "fine", with a smile included even, may actually be similar to your ranking of "good" or even "fantastic".

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by Chardel

you
lol
stop over thinking this... you are stressing instead of laughing... life is wwwaaayyyyy tooo short to be obsessing over the word "fine" if you feel that you are doing a c+ job then you have room for improvement... obsess over THAT and shoot for an A+.

Well my other thread in Adult Sexuality (which is closed) illustrates THAT issue.

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

Maybe make her up some score cards!!....:) <jk> Well, sort of anyway. If she appears to be enjoying herself, then great. You done good. No need to fish for confirmation is there?

Do you ever tell HER how good it was? See what her response would be if you held her close afterwards and said something to the effect of, "Oh, baby, that was incredible! You are absolutely amazing! I thought I was about to black out for a minute there!" Ok, maybe that was a bit over the top, but you get the idea.

Since she is more low-key, her perception of "fine", with a smile included even, may actually be similar to your ranking of "good" or even "fantastic".

She doesn't appear to enjoy herself at all. See my other thread.

Wondergirl · May 3, 2012, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

She doesn't appear to enjoy herself at all. See my other thread.

Ask her to sign on here and then connect me to her. I want to get to know her.

DoulaLC · May 3, 2012, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by OneDude79

She doesn't appear to enjoy herself at all. See my other thread.

You have made mention, a number of times, that it is likely just her personality. If she has been this way pretty much from the start, why are you so sure she isn't enjoying herself? Does she seem to be having a problem with how things are? Has she ever voiced any unhappiness? Maybe it truly is just fine with her and she is content; has no need for things to be different.

Perhaps it is your past experience with being told things were fine and finding out that apparently they weren't that you are now putting onto your wife. Are you afraid history will repeat itself?

Have you asked her point blank, not at a time after sex, how she feels about your relationship? Is there anything she would like to see more of, less of, anything she would like you do to differently in the relationship?

If you are concerned it may be something more going on, suggest she get a complete physical to rule out any concerns.

I'll put this question to you... why do you not believe her?

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Ask her to sign on here and then connect me to her. I want to get to know her.

She probably would refuse, or be upset that I even posted this question.

OneDude79 · May 3, 2012, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

You have made mention, a number of times, that it is likely just her personality. If she has been this way pretty much from the start, why are you so sure she isn't enjoying herself?? Does she seem to be having a problem with how things are? Has she ever voiced any unhappiness? Maybe it truly is just fine with her and she is content; has no need for things to be different.

Perhaps it is your past experience with being told things were fine and finding out that apparently they weren't that you are now putting onto your wife. Are you afraid history will repeat itself?

Have you asked her point blank, not at a time after sex, how she feels about your relationship? Is there anything she would like to see more of, less of, anything she would like you do to differently in the relationship?

If you are concerned it may be something more going on, suggest she get a complete physical to rule out any concerns.

I'll put this question to you......why do you not believe her?

Well, I'll answer this for you. I don't want this to turn into another 100 post thread though.

She says I'm a good husband, good dad, and help a lot. Her only complaints really are that I sometimes gripe and complain, I sometimes raise my voice too quickly at our son (the 3 year old), but not too often, and that's it. I also think she'd like me to be just a little more "take-charge" about family decisions. Even that she says isn't that big a deal. That was more in the beginning of the relationship though and I think she figured out I am not that way. I wish I were, but I'm not.

The thing is, she pretty much never brings up sex at all, so I feel that if tomorrow she were told we could never have sex again, she probably wouldn't be upset about it for more than a minute or two.

I guess I do worry a bit about the issues from past relationships being true here, which I know is stupid. Also, I can't imagine how she COULD enjoy our sex life... but again I am comparing her to women I was with before her, who I know would not have been satisfied with that.

I did notice tonight she is the same way about food regarding lack of variety and being rather low-key. Aside from her favorite few foods she usually just says a meal was "fine", or, at best, she'll say it was good or tasty. She doesn't like to dress things up much though, she rarely uses condiments, doesn't like to change brands of food for basic type things like pasta sauce, etc. In fact she is more open to trying NEW foods than preparing one she already eats differently. This seems consistent with being satisfied with what some would call very ho-hum sex.

Still, am I wrong for wishing she could be just a *little* more open with me about her sexual feelings? Whatever she is, I love her and accept her. I just wish she could talk about things more.

DoulaLC · May 4, 2012, 04:18 PM

I don't think it is a matter of being right or wrong. You feel how you feel... as does she. From the sounds of it, you have some different needs and/or wants. She appears to like things status quo and that is perfectly fine. She may find comfort in knowing what to expect.

You seem to like to spice things up a bit now and then. Nothing way out there, just mix it up a bit once in awhile. Perhaps you get a bit bored with the same ole, same ole in a number of areas, not just sex.

Have you told her that you would like for the two of you to be able to talk more about what you both enjoy sexually?

You talk about what you like that she does when you are intimate. Find something if you have to. It may be a certain look she gives you, or the way she touches you. Don't go over the top with it, but be honest and sincere. Just the occasional comment. It doesn't always have to be in regard to sex either. Flirt with her a bit, like you used to in the beginning. Could be a slightly naughty note or card you leave for her.

Ask her when you are actually doing something if it feels good to her instead of how she liked it after all is said and done.

You may already do all of this, or some of it, but continue if it is sincere. She may slowly open up a bit, or she may not, but you will know that she is sure to know how you are feeling about being with her.

Another thought is perhaps she is just not comfortable talking about sexual things. Maybe she is afraid you will think something is funny or she may not be comfortable with her "skills". She might be afraid of getting embarrassed.

In the end, you obviously can't make her open up. She has to want to and be comfortable doing so.