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Sunwillshine · May 2, 2012, 09:07 AM

My life really isn't life I just exist I feel like I'm a robot and these days I don't have the power to go on I'm always bored and I think I'm going through a depression I need someone to talk to but nobody's here... my siblings(grandma, aunts etc) are against to my me and my parents cause they want our property and we fight for it, they made my mom and dad very strict with us being afraid and get nervous and anxious if we are 5 minutes late from school/job I can't go anywhere cause I love my mom and I don't want to "kill" her just because I want to live my life and they treat me so nice and buy me things to make me feel that I need them and that they are nice... My life its out of my powers every day I die inside I lose a piece of me... This semester I can't focus even if I try so much I can't focus on my lessons, tests and most of the time I feel my mind getting blocked and stop thinking, at night I forget to breathe and I wake up cause I feel like there's no air, there are 5 months since my last period and I feel like my hormones going crazy I really all I want to do is cry... I remember 2009 when Michael Jackson died these things started to be more obvious to me cause I was very sad and I think everyday that MJ gone so my dreams to live a life that I choose to live are also gone, there's nothing to hold on to anymore nothing... Why God left me all alone? These days I got more near to Jesus Christ and finding that He is my only hope... But things doesn't turn to be any better... I met a guy last year and he wanted me to be his girlfriend but how could I be his girlfriend if I never EVER go out though I wanted to talk like all the girls so I gave him hopes and then when he saw that I was weird and turned him down 3 times he just disappeared from everywhere... Now I want to meet guys but I know the continuation of my life that's why I'm getting even more closer to myself... I said to myself that I will never like or send messages to anybody... I can't even go out with my college friend... Why do I live? How can I recover myself ? How can I accept my life if it kills me? How can I buried myself to a lonely place if I want to be like all the other girls at my age? How can I live without hurt my parents? How can I overcome the bad things that my relatives saying about my family and me? How can I be happy if I'm depressed? I just want Jesus to hear me show me that He really cares about me , that I'm not alone, that all these I'm going through are for a reason, something... Cause I can't I don't feel me and although I don't want to sound something bad but I hate my life cause its not life its prison with gold cells I just want to be with Michael Jackson up to Heaven... If I end up my life will God forgive me? I just want to die... no I'm not coward, I'm just half of me with faded self everyday... Someone that knows that sun only shines from the window that you cannot open...

Fr_Chuck · May 2, 2012, 09:58 AM

One could go into an entire rant about MJ being in heaven, Or we can debate the fairly standard Christian belief that if one kills theirself they will not go to heaven. But those are disccssions for a religious board.
First how old are you, you talk about college friends, so if you are in college, get a job and move out of your parents home,

It is hard, but who cares what other family say about you, You have to learn not to get into your parents issues, and learn to live your life, Your age will make a differeence in how I answer, if you are 16 it is different than if you are 20

zeera · May 7, 2012, 01:50 AM

Bad things happen for a reason. I understand your world is crumbling all over but hang in there. Something good is waiting ahead trust me!

joypulv · May 7, 2012, 02:53 AM

'there are 5 months since my last period and I feel like my hormones going crazy I really all I want to do is cry'

If you aren't pregnant and your periods have stopped, then perhaps you do have something wrong with your endocrine system that is having a serious affect on your mood. It's rare, because most teenage despair is from situations in your life, but I would ask for an examination by an endocrinologist. It might not even be the hormones of menstruation. I know someone who was hyperthyroid and was literally hallucinating in the middle of the night and no doctor diagnosed her until she saw an endocrinologist.

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 06:25 AM

Hi, I am 12 and I know this may be shocking but I have answers to most of your questions. I have had an interesting life and I to used to think like the way you are but I found my answers.you live to learn. Every mistake you make you learn from it. Every time you experience you ever had you learn from it. You are supposed to use what you learn to try to make the right decision. There is a way recover from this. Find the greater things in life. Look at the brighter things in life. Let the light inside you shine. For a while hatred, sadness, and darkness bubbled up inside me. You have to over come that. I can't tell you how to do that, it is different for everyone, I found the strengths in myself and the weaknesses in others. Honestly you don't want to die, one day you are going to look back and say how happy you are that you are still alive. You don't want to be like other girls your age. You don't want to be anything you are not, I tried to be like girls my age and found I almost lost myself. You are unique and don't forget that. God will forgive you, he forgives everyone, all you need to do is ask. God loves you and will forgive you. You will have to find yourself. I am still trying to do that myself, it is hard but once you do you will be so much better. You are not alone. There are a lot of people like you. I am one of them. You just need to get on the right path and learn to love yourself no matter what. By the way, even though you are like this you can still date. Before I was like this my boyfriend was, actually he still is, right now I don't even know if he is alive. You can still date because if this guy really loves you he will stick by your side and try to help you.

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by Nikki7347

.God will forgive you, he forgives everyone, all you need to do is ask. god loves you and will forgive you. you will have to find yourself. I am still trying to do that myself, it is hard but once you do you will be so much better. you are not alone. there are a lot of people like you. i am one of them. you just need to get on the right path and learn to love yourself no matter what. by the way, even though you are like this you can still date. before i was like this my boyfriend was, actually he still is, right now i don't even know if he is alive. You can still date because if this guy really loves you he will stick by your side and try to help you.

Your references to religion are inappropriate - not everyone believes in your God.

Nikki7347 · Jun 27, 2012, 05:22 PM

So what, this person in particular does.

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 05:27 PM

You're a 12 year old with a smart mouth. "So what"? You're offensive, that's so what.

So what? This is an adult site. I explained the rules to you. I realize you don't understand them. You're a 12 year old with a suicidal boyfriend, unable or unwilling to talk to your parents, afraid you're pregnant, preaching?

This person wants to be with Michael Jackson in Heaven - give me a break!

Why don't you focus on your own problems and your own God?

Nikki7347 · Jun 27, 2012, 05:35 PM

You know what you are the meanest person online I have ever encountered. I have the right to be on this site and if you don't like it too bad. Other 12 year olds are on this site, I was talking to one a few hours ago. Stop trying to control me and what I do. I have no clue why your temper is so low, but stop worrying about what I post and more on yourself and the people who's questions you are answering.

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by Nikki7347

you know what you are the meanest person online i have ever encountered. i have the right to be on this site and if you don't like it too bad. other 12 year olds are on this site, i was talking to one a few hours ago. Stop trying to control me and what i do. i have no clue why your temper is so low, but stop worrying about what i post and more on yourself and the people who's questions you are answering.

Follow the rules - that's all I'm asking. I find your preaching to be offensive - it obviously doesn't work for you. Why would it work for this person?

"If you don't like it" really does prove why 12-year old children shouldn't be on adult sites.

This person hasn't been on line for over 2 months - and, yes, I saw your advice.

Vystra · Jun 28, 2012, 10:20 AM

JudyKay Tee... This isn't about YOU it's about a girl who wrote her feelings about wanting to die! It isn't about how you view the opinion or religious belief of another member, who by the way is entitled to her opinion and beliefs. You do not have to agree with or participate in either one.

I am not a particularly religious person and think that the response was appropriate and well written for a 12 year old. What is wrong with someone telling someone else.. I get it, I've been there... to hang in there, don't give up, have faith that things will get better, you are stronger than you think.

Being a new member I am curious where it states this is an adult site? I looked through the TOS and FAQ and found nothing that states an age limit but did find an interesting tid bit on disparaging other members publicly (Posting rules #4)

JudyKayTee · Jun 28, 2012, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by Vystra

JudyKay Tee... This isnt about YOU it's about a girl who wrote her feelings about wanting to die! It isn't about how you view the opinion or religious belief of another member, who by the way is entitled to her opinion and beliefs. You do not have to agree with or participate in either one.

I am not a particularly religious person and think that the response was appropriate and well written for a 12 year old. What is wrong with someone telling someone else.. I get it, I've been there... to hang in there, don't give up, have faith that things will get better, you are stronger than you think.

Being a new member I am curious where it states this is an adult site? I looked through the TOS and FAQ and found nothing that states an age limit but did find an interesting tid bit on disparaging other members publicly (Posting rules #4)

It's about opinions. This is not first or last time someone has been asked to move the religious referecnces to the religious board. That's my opinion.

My opinion is also that 12-year old children should not be on this board.

So report my post to a moderator - and maybe they can figure out why you've posted exactly once and exactly here. Another user name?

hash98 · Jul 6, 2012, 04:20 PM

I don't know what I'm writing but I don't want anyone to think this way. Common, life is so beautiful every day, all you need to do I to observe what you like, what you love... theres so much I life... please don't ever think about taking your life because your don't own it...

JudyKayTee · Jul 6, 2012, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by hash98

i don't know what i'm writing but i don't want anyone to think this way. common, life is so beautiful every day, all you need to do i to observe what you like, what you love...theres so much i life.....please don't ever think about taking your life because your don't own it......

You don't own your life? I don't know what you're writing, either.

Can you explain?