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lukas88 · Apr 28, 2012, 04:30 PM

I know this girl we were together until recently. She has a few issues from her past. I'm worried she may have severe depression.

So the thing is her mother died when she was 17, and had to grow up pretty quickly because her father is an alcoholic so she had to take care of him. Then her father burned down their house by accident. She now moved to a different country and lives by herself and has a condition called polycystic ovaries. She works, goes home and just sleeps. She's not happy with her life and rarely going out anywhere now. She doesn't have many friends maybe 3 including me that she talks to and a few back in her home country.

Recently when I tried talking to her she said she's tired, doesn't know what she wants and she doesn't care about anything anymore, she's very cold and just says whatever to everything now. Little things piss her off and argues a lot with people. Right now she's very negative about everything, even herself. Her behaviour basically changed completely. She used to be kind, friendly, sweet and very loving. But maybe that was a mask? I told her to go doctor but she refused and tells me why do I care its not my problem. She lost all trust in everyody and gets really angry if I say something nice to her. She never could keep a relationship for a long time. Apart from her first which was 4 years. After that 4 months max. and each time she did the same thing just bacame very distant and said she needs time to think. That's how she broke up with me too. The cold shoulder for a while and then argue till its over.

I'm not trying to get relationship advice here... im just really worried about her as I'm scared she might do something stupid. Anyone has some thoughts how I can approach her to get help? Or any opinion what's going on?

talaniman · Apr 28, 2012, 04:41 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-652475.html

Back off guy and let her come through her funk in her own time, her own way. I realize you are worried and want to help, but as you see you don't know how.

Jake2008 · Apr 28, 2012, 04:46 PM

You may think that you have this girl all figured out, but she doesn't think so, from what I've read.

She could be anybody, as far as direct influence you have on her circumstances. Your sister, mother, aunt, work mate, etc. That you are worried about her, makes no difference, in what she decides about her life, and what she sees as priority.

Depression as a diagnosis, is made by a qualified Psychiatrist, after an assessment. If you were to go to such a Doctor with what you have described, he or she would likely ask you if this girl is willing to come in herself.

And that's the whole point. She needs to want to help herself. You cannot do that for her.

What you can do is set some boundaries. If you do not wish to be subject to bad behaviour, then don't be. If she makes promises to address issues, and doesn't, you don't have to allow yourself to accept that.

If who she is, is not compatible with you, and who you are, both of you are free to live your lives, as you want to.

I understand the helplessness of wanting to help, and the recipient is unwilling to accept it. But the greater acceptance is knowing when to stop hitting your head against a brick wall, and getting the same results every single time.

lukas88 · Apr 28, 2012, 05:01 PM

OK I see your point. Of course I hope there's a chance of me and her getting back together. Right now that isn't my priority. This break up and her behaviour is really really bad timing. I'm just worried, I had a different friend that had depression and she committed suicide. No one knew anything about it and her situation till they read her journal. So now that I know something is wrong I want to be there to help whatever that may be. That's why I posted here to get some advice.

joypulv · Apr 28, 2012, 05:01 PM

When someone says 'why do I care its not my problem,' that to me is a clue that she craves tons of caring but it's never enough, understandable in her case. So she drives people away on purpose.

If you want to be someone who goes way out on a limb to be there for her, fly to her country and tell her that you miss her and want her back, get through all her denials with possible rejection because you didn't do it just right, then mean it before you do it.

But don't try to worry about her in a clinical way, getting her to a therapist. If she can get to work each day she's capable of getting to a therapist. She doesn't meed this kind of concern.

lukas88 · Apr 28, 2012, 05:12 PM

When someone says 'why do I care its not my problem,' that to me is a clue that she craves tons of caring but it's never enough, understandable in her case. So she drives people away on purpose.

That's what I find confusing. Her previous boyfriend was a complete didn't care at all. And now that she has all my attention she still broke up the same way as she did with him.