[jil]

When I first entered the relationship with my husband I felt unsatisfied,I was even asking myself if that was it while walking down the aisle. I see so much in him that I detested. I think I was just very young then that's why I pushed through it. My marriage is successful until now but within the 13 years of my marriage, discontent is still there. In fact, I usually ask God how can I be really happy. My happiness with him is like one moment I'm happy then suddenly its gone.Maybe because he has this attitudes that I really really detest and for all the years we have together, I have in all my power, tried to change because I know it would just be so little a reason for breaking up with him specially with my 3 kids around.He has been changing little by little but I felt like I'm losing it.Im drained. I fell like the burden of leading the relationship along is too much. I'm beginning to loose the love. I really don't want to feel this way but it's there.and I'm beginning to be pretending.
As the days went by I saw our incompatibilities even more. Iam really trying to accept my fate but sometimes I would ask myself why should it be this way. Ive been like this for 13 years and I hate myself.
Maybe I look good outside because men come to me. Tempting in fact! But I fought it.with all my heart!
Then this married man come along. OF ALL THE MEN THAT TEMPTED ME AND I SHOOED ALL, he just stood there and I feel it.We've been into this less than a month now. I really hate myself because really feel less remorseful. I know that the reasons above cannot justify my mistakes right now. But please don't judge me. Please just tell me what you think. Thanks.

[Cat1864]

You need to end the affair.

Then you need to decide if you are staying in this marriage. If you are, then look into marriage counseling. If you aren't, then consult a divorce lawyer and be honest with your husband that he needs to consult a lawyer of his own.

Marriage counseling might be a way for the two of you to learn how to work together to parent your children even though you may not be a couple.

Do not leave your husband for another man. If you leave, do so because it is the right thing for you and your children. After you leave, you will need time to get your life back on track and to heal. You will not need the added complication of trying to start another relationship. You would not want to subject your children to your 'new' friend when they are trying to come to terms with their lives being turned upside down.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that your husband is the father of your children and you need to be able to work with him.

Good luck and may you follow the path that is best for you and your children.

[michaelslife]

You need to make the hard decisions. An affair is unnecessary and unfair to your husband. If you feel you don't want the marriage to work, file for a divorce. If you feel it can and you want it to work get counciled. Stop cheating cause its unfair for your husband and it sets a bad example for your children.

[Jake2008]

After 13 years and two kids, you have some hard decisions to make.

If you were to put your husband and children first, the affair would not have happened in the first place.

I see this as running head first into a brick wall, and wondering why you split your head open, and why your life, and the lives of your family will be blown to bits.

First it will be your husband, who, after you disclose, or he finds out you are seeing another man by accident. Maybe a text, maybe your computer left on, maybe a lie to meet your lover didn't work out, etc.

Then it will be your children, who, should your husband decide to leave you, will be now in the status of 'broken home', and all the sad repercussions that come from that, all of their lives.

Your married lover's marriage may also end, and if he has children, he has forced them into the same position you have forced your children into. And his wife will face the same devastation your husband will be facing. Unwitting victims, all of them, because you chose this path of destruction.

This isn't about judging you, it is about a little common sense, and about cold hard facts. You had a choice to make, and you chose, in my opinion, the wrong one.

At any time, right from walking down the aisle to 13 years and two kids later, you could have made better, and different decisions. You could have called off the wedding. You could have expressed your displeasure with your husband and your life, through a counsellor. You could have worked on your marriage, in other words, and figured out whether to stay, and whether to go on to have two children.

If there was no hope to salvage your marriage, you could have made the choice not to have children, divorce your husband, and go on to find a man that was more suitable, and one that was a better fit. Maybe you would not have chosen a married man when you became single, maybe you would have.

The point being, having a married man as a lover, while you are married is wrong. Having a married man as a lover even if you were single, is also wrong.

You can fool yourself into thinking it was 'fate', or 'meant to be', but as long as you are conscious and able to think at all, you know that what you are doing, is wrong. Right now, today, you know what you are doing is wrong.

I don't know why you would think that you deserve to deceive, lie, and cheat, knowing how it will affect your life. If you haven't thought of that, please think about it now. See if you can't find it in your heart to consider ending the affair, and instead, work on your marriage. Get into counselling and figure things out.

If not for yourself, for the sake of your children, and all the other people's lives you have set upon a course to be changed forever.