[topgun08]

Hi I meet this wonderful guy a year ago well I thought so till things started to go strange. His marriage broke down and he has these two amazing boys. My problem is this we hang out a lot and we spend time together but over the last couple of moths we have grown apart for what reason I don't know and I don't know what I have done to bring this on. I care very much for him I don't see him as my boy friend as he told me he doesn't want a girlfriend and I can see why. He is different to other guys as he never asks me to any thing and friends do do this sort of thing hang out and do things. I an very affectionate and caring and l need that in my life but is it true males with aspergers can't show affection or caring towards others it is all about themselves. When we do hang out it is wonderful and I do enjoy his company very much maybe too much.

My concern is he never asks me to movies, out for dinner or even just to hang out sometime as friends can do this I believe is this true it always comes from me is it because he doesn't like me or want to be with me. We have gone over the line and spent time in that department many times over the last couple of months and I do asked him before we pursue to the next step and he says that it is OK.

He has not been over for a meal in at least a month I did ask him if it was my cooking and he said no so what is the problem. I do miss been with him and doing things together on a friends basis only I get that I don't do anything to cause conflict as he hates conflict and I'm not fond of it either myself.

He this guy for real of there more to him then I don't know or is he just a player using me. I give him what he needs well I think I do he has asked for space so I did, but I feel he says no a lot with no reason and he never instigates at all it is always me who does that why doesn't he ask.

I get texts at midnight sometimes just saying I leaving to come home or I'm about to get on the bus to come home the other day I got a phone cal to come pick me up as the train isn't going all the way to the end of the line and I don't know how to get home so I said I'll pick you up which I did but I will not be someone's beck and call call and I will not be FWD either but that department is very satisfying as he asks me to do things but when I want he says no Why.

Please help me confused person.. :))

[Wondergirl]

If he has Asperger's, he is definitely not a player.

Has he been officially diagnosed, or is that what he himself believes?

I've been married for almost 45 years to someone with Asperger's.

[topgun08]

To the person who helped me before here is more details.. No he has not been diagnosised with aspergers. This is my judgement call and I don't like to judge but he is so different to other people I know as he hate the telephone only does sms and email.

I am so drained I am not eating and my weight has dropped in the past 6months..
All think about is what he truly thinks of me and what he sees in me if anything I am just after friend ship nothing more as he doesn't want that.

He is not big on the compliment department as I am I give a lot of love and support to all my friends but in his case nothing in return at all... Why is it because he doesn't like me at all. I can't read him at all don't get straight answers from him in fact no answers at all.

How do I cope and what do I do now in relation to us just hanging out and spending time with each other that is all I want to do is be mates and mates do things together don't they..

I do want to ask him what he wants from me but that ia a Conflict Q and he hate Conflict big time so I don't bring that up and I stew over ever thing he sms's to me. Now what do I do...

Still Confused and will be for a very long time by the looks of things...

[topgun08]

Thanks... No he doesn't know he has any thing different to himself but I believe this is my judgement so to speak that I can see. I will not give up I am not that sort of person I don't believe in walking away there is no reason to...

I have studied the topic for sometime now and have a better understand of things sort of...

I am soooo drained that it is stating to effect my health not eating as all I can think about is what he truly thinks of me am I a friend or just a what ever when ever he feels like things on his terms as when I ask he says no a lot to me but he never asks himself...

He has never ever once given me a complement but he gets so much praise from me it's not funny.

Conversation's are very one way he doesn't really ask me anythings of others for that matter...

How do I cope and what should I do in relation to us hanging out etc... and doing things together just doing what normal relationships do I don't always love to go out and spend money I do enjoy staying home with a good movie pizza and wime as I know know he enjoys this to..

I an a very loving, fun, caring down to earth person maybe that is my problem I'm too much for him...

I do remember telling him I am not here to hurt you and I don't want to hurt you either that is not my intention ever...

He said to me she said that to me and look what happened and I said I'm not her OK. Gave him a kiss and that was OK by him..
I do want to ask what he wants from me but that is a conflict Q and he hate conflictso what do I do now.

Still Confused

I have text him many times I do enjoy what we have and AI hope it never changes and No reply at all nothing... Why and what does this mean...

[Wondergirl]

If he has Asperger's, you will get a man who is loyal and faithful, who will not lie to you, who is kind, who is probably very smart and probably very thrifty, and who will be your friend and even gentle caretaker until the day you die.

If you want lots of hot romance, this is not the man for you. If you want lots of exciting conversation, this is not the right man. If you want lots of affection and compliments, forget it. He will probably not notice if you get your hair cut or are wearing a new blouse, or at least he won't think to compliment you. I tell my husband, "You are the only one walking around in your world," and he acknowledges that is true. If you want him to take you to parties or bowling or dancing or have a couple's social life of any kind, this is not the man for you. If you do have a social life, it will be with his family and his friends, not yours.

You will have to look at the positives and weigh them against what most women would consider negatives.

[Schoolmarm97]

I'm pretty sure I'm the one who helped you before as this sounds very familiar.

It also sounds as if you probably need some distance from your guy and a relationship that suits your personality better. The sad truth is that we can love people who are not appropriate for us, not healthy for us, and who really don't suit us at all. The fact that there are wonderful things about him that you truly admire doesn't make him a suitable partner.

If you can just be friends for a while, that's probably the best bet. Date other men. Have a good time. Enjoy the time you share with him. Don't get any more involved than you already are. If you can't manage that, then you might want to stop seeing so much of him for a while until you can sort out what you really want in a man.

Remember that you have the option of finding someone who is right for you. There's no law that says you have to stick at it with someone whose approach to relationships is so diametrically opposed to yours. You want warm and fuzzy and you should have that. You can't change who he is and how he behaves except in very small ways and only with his consent and full involvement. Do you want to spend years trying to make him what you want, or would you rather spend those years happy with someone who treats you as you'd like to be treated?

Your choice. I hope it works out for you.

[JudyKayTee]

I believe it was Wondergirl who has experience with this. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...rs-653484.html

I have asked that the threads be combined.

I'm somewhat confused because the other thread states that he has Aspergers. This thread says he has not been diagnosed.

?

[Schoolmarm97]

You're right. It was Wondergirl who handled this one. And her answer was excellent. I've taught many teens with Asperger's but never had to live with one. Coincidentally, one of them recently friended me on Facebook, and I've been enjoying his very literal "status updates" ("I'm going to eat dinner now", "I'm turning off my computer now") along with his very real personal concern for the people he loves and trusts.

There was another poster who also believed her SO had Asperger's. I hope both of them will help their men seek out a real diagnosis. It's a challenge to adapt to someone who cannot possibly adapt to you and your social needs. As we both said, it's important that the poster understand that this is a full-time commitment, but it's equally important that the diagnosis be confirmed.