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Okay very knowledgeable. :P
Using your psychobabble, I desire to know.. what sort of painting I've illustrated for you, in regards to my character. Me. Who I am. How would you describe me from what you and I have talked about? What sort of feeling do you perceive whilst speaking to me? |
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Using your apple tree analogy I'd say I look like an ordinary tree. Green, lush, comfortably sturdy trunk. However.. if you were to glance a bit more intently at the newly growing buds, you'd find some of them wholly rotted and filled with decay, and others sustaining more life and vigor than you would have believed possible.
This tree is like a stone over thousands of years. The world shaped it. While clouds rushed overhead, the winds carved it, the men plucked from it, the earth gave and took from it. It's a very young tree by it's own standards. But it's tired. Always very tired. Yet as being a tree, it can't exactly fall over. In fact half the time it's resolute and stands firm simply because its nature is that way. Even when the harsher winds blow it dislikes bending. It will if threatened to snap, but only then. It's a tired tree because it's roots are spread deep into the rich soil despite it's short life. The leaves don't really wither during the cold seasons. They just leave for awhile and come back later. Does that give you anything? |
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Ink Weaver, you asked for someone, anyone to care... I believe you have found that someone, myself as well, I have been following your posts...
Your writing is fabulous by the way... in the past (I suffered post-partum depression and anxiety) I have found that writing down all that dark ugly "stuff" in your head can help to make it a little less heavy, you won't feel so tired all the time. I burned my writings because I have trust issues and some of what I wrote was for my eyes only. Watching the paper turn from brown to black to ashes, bright red and orange flames dancing over the surface was very good therapy for me. I have a feeling that your apple harvest is going to be a good one, the apples will be crisp, and sweet with a hint of a bitterness just to keep things lively. There will be an overabundance of apples, but the tree will continue to need to be pruned and cared for so that there will be many more harvests to come... I look forward to reading your published works someday. |
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Chardel I want to thank you for your words. They mean a lot to me. Same goes for you Wondergirl.
Today I've only thought of suicide a few times, and it was more.. I don't know, curiosity based I suppose? My mind was filled with the pre-ordained thoughts of religion. Christianity. Gods and goddesses. Myself, I'm agnostic, probably could be considered a bit of a wary half-pacifist from all the moral codes I've constructed.. I wondered why a god would place their child, someone they love, in eternal pain simply because they took their own life. I know it's ungrateful, but really? Eternity? I can't see that being a loving god. That's one of the main reasons I find it hard to be attached to organized religion.. How could any one god create.. so much potential for beauty and be content with submitting its people to torture? Funnily enough four new thoughts just entered my head. The first was that the bible is an old book. It could've easily been mistranslated over the years. The second is that I'm spewing thoughts that don't really mean anything. I guess I'm doing it to help you understand better how I work. The third is that I like how I look today. My hair's growing longer, as well as darker despite being as black as black should get. I suppose in a different kind of way, I could be considered.. handsomely pretty? It's strange to think about it. I'm too physically masculine to be feminine, but my bones are too defined to be wholly masculine. The fourth thought I had is that my head hurts. It's so utterly overwhelming to have so many thoughts bursting through my skull all the time.. And don't worry Mrs. Online-mentor-psychologist-wonder-woman. My homework's done. |
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Originally Posted by InkWeaver
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