[jgeyer]

Hello,



Ok, so here goes... I've dated a few girls in my early life... but recently my ex of a definite few days, but she was on the fence for a couple of weeks just broke up with me after 4 years. Reason being, she just wasn't as happy as we used to be. You see I have that jealousy problem, not dramatically but enough to make her feel guilty and not do something, I always saw the negative in things: example.. if we were going out and I picked her up and she had her glasses on, I would say - "Why aren't you wearing your contacts" - just made her feel not special..



I have apologized, a lot, for hurting her, and I do honestly mean it - and I know that if I loved her I wouldn’t have done those things. But you see, I got too comfortable with her, she would be mad, but then the next day, she would be fine and act like nothing was bothering her.. that was her fault. So I kept on doing things like that. She would tell me that I had certain things about me that she didn’t like, I said, I’ll change but I never actually thought I had to so I never really did. Now that we've been apart I have changed, I know its early and yada yada yada but I really have, things that have nothing to do with her that have made me a better person. So all in all, she broke up with me because she didn't want to feel guilty about too many stupid little things anymore.

Another thing was the fact that when she said she wanted to do something, I always got defensive and wanted her to spend the time with me. She would give in and make me happy before herself. Bad on her part but I should have just said, go ahead, I'll see you tomorrow... but that was another thing. She would get all mad and not go, then the next day, she'd be fine. So the other reason why she broke up with me was because she wanted to be able to go and do what she wanted and with whom ever she wanted. Not having to chose between me, family or friends. Understandable... but I told her that she can do those things now, as long as do get to see her. I want to make her happy with me, so if I can do things for her like she did for me, we would both be happy. I told her that I'm thinking about things now, and realize what I was doing wrong.

She said, I don't think you should have to change in order to make the relationship work. I said I'm not changing, I'm being myself. But... in her eyes it was too late and she said, "I just don't think I have one more chance to give". It killed me and it hurt her to say it too.

What I'm asking is if she can see that I've changed down the road will she come back. She says she still loves me, as a friend, but people can fall in and out of love. Also, what can I do to get her back now.

She was my first sexual experience and who I was going to marry. We named our potential kids and everything. We were happy for 90% of the 4 years we were together. I feel that my life has gone right out the window and that she's not anywhere near as upset as I am. And of course, I can't imagine myself or her with anyone else... whether its going to the zoo, holding hands or making love. I can't fathom those things.

Please read all of this and give me help on every aspect.

[manimuth]

Apologise for taking her for granted and hurting her, tell her everything you have come to realize about yourself, her, and your relationship, and ask for another chance to love her like she deserves. You might have to put a lot of effort into showing her that you've truly changed because it seems like you've asked for chances before and let her down.
If she still refuses to give you another chance, there is, unfortunately, nothing you can do about it. Try to heal, move on, and give the next special girl the love and attention she deserves.