[Teaching]

I am wondering if people are generally honest when they are approached or confronted about issues. I find that people have a hard time giving feedback or when you ask questions in friendship they deny that they are just busy, etc. I feel it is the worst thing one can do to someone - to give false hope or lead people the wrong way.

Any thoughts?

[ForeverZero]

More often than not people think they're doing you a favor by not telling you the truth. People live in this fantasy land where if I don't hurt their feelings, that makes me a good person. Screw that logic. We've all got that fat friend that refuses to stop wearing small shirts, because everybody tells her she looks fine in them. People tend to think that by sparing your feelings, they're being nice. No They're not. They're being a coward. That's why I associate the term "too nice" and "nice guy" with spineless.

[Teaching]

I think it takes a lot of courage to be honest and in somecases people lead people on for months and months. It is CRUEL in my opinon. It is being a coward - I agree.

[kaitou]

"Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth—honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down the cherry tree, whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts.

No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie. "

From grey's anatomy

[shygrneyzs]

I started in my adult life just being straight to the point, I did not dance around the truth, and told people my opinion, when asked. I did not go out my way, I was not rude, but 2+2 always equaled 4 in my book.

I was then described as not being "gentle", that people did not honestly want the truth, they wanted a varnished version of it, hence I had to take some training in becoming "tactfull". It basically meant keeping my mouth shut and agreeing. I had to find the positive and focus on that. If my co-worker came in drunk, I could not say, "why don't you go home, you're drunk". I had to say, "why don't you stay in the department today and I will go and make the rounds" ( worked in a hospital). If someone majorally screwed up, I could not say, "you made a huge mistake". I had to say, "your actions cause concern for the department". I had that job for almost three years, three long years. I learned that the majority of people never did want the truth. They wanted to hear what made them feel better, or less guilty. I am sure this came from the top down. The administration was very much the same way. We had a doctor, who failed to test the gas mix in the anesthesia, and the patient died from the improper mixture. The hospital allowed him to leave ASAP. He went home, got his family, and poof he was gone. Fled to Canada.

Over the years, yes I met people who did indeed want the honest truth and appreciated the uncut version. I always wanted people to be upfront with me, even if I did not like what I heard. How else am I going to learn anything?

When an employer tells me how important it is to be politically correct, I know what is going on. You just cannot afford to step on anyone's toes by any means. Truth is a commodity that is becoming rare. I would like to think differently about that. I do think that in personal one-to-one exchanges, it does happen.