[cindyange88]

My husband has a female co-worker and sometimes when he emails me something personal to our family, he includes her in the email. Why is this necessary? Also, they go to the same pilates instructor right after work, again, spending more time together. On Sundays, my husband and I go to the same spin class as her and her husband. My husband and "her" exchange healthfood recipes, he continues to talk more and more about her. I am really beginning to feel she is a threat to my marriage. I also feel my husband is a threat to her and her husband. She has confided in him that she is unable to get pregnant for over a year and she seems to be using him as her best friend. There are two other women that seem to be developing close friendships with my husband. I feel I should get 100% of his commitment to me, not dividing his time, texting, email and friendships to these other women. My husband gets extremely defensive when I try to discuss it. Is my husband "sending signals" to these other women?

[tickle]

Hi cindy, very good description of how you see it. You are a very observant lady.

I would take the bull by the horns and talk to this woman; tell her what she is doing is unacceptable (if your husband wont) and leave it at that. Once she is settled I wouldn't worry about the others. What I would be concerned about though, if she has told him her husband can't get her pregnant, could be she wants to use yours for just this one purpose.

Do you have any children ?

There should be no reason at all for him to include her in any e mail to the family.

[Jake2008]

This whole 'social networking' has opened up a lot of questions for people.

I personally think that communication with work colleagues, should be in the domain of the work place only.

And I think that communication with famly and friends, should be in another category altogether.

That this other woman and her husband, attend a Sunday spin class at the same time as you and your husband. I don't see anything wrong with that.

What you might want to do is consider asking this woman, and her husband, over for dinner. Or you and your husband could take a spin class at another time.

That she is comfortable enough with him as a co-worker to discuss her having a hard time getting pregnant, to me, is crossing the line of good behaviour for a married person. That would upset me too.

But, to call her out on it isn't the right way to go I don't think. As long as your husband is participating in such intimate problems she's having, he is the one that needs to know it is making you uncomfortable and it is not appropriate.

As to family email, that too, crosses the line in my opinion.

[Cat1864]

The only thing I really question about his behavior is sending her e-mails at the same time he does you about things 'personal to your family'. However, are the two of you the only ones he is sending those e-mails to or are there other recipients? Or is he talking about her in the e-mails and what he has discussed with a friend?

Does he have any male friends? Do you encourage him to have same sex friends? Or are they a 'threat' to your marriage, too? If she were male and talking to him about 'his 'wife' not being able to get pregnant, would it upset you?

Do you share his interest in the things he can talk to her about? Are you as into healthy cooking as they are?

When someone tells me 'I feel I should get 100% of his commitment to me, not dividing his time, texting, email and friendships to these other women... ', I wonder if it is gender specific or if the feeling extends to all of their partner's friendships. Do you expect him to be your only outlet for friendship and mature conversation? Do you have any friends you spend time with, text, or e-mail?

If he is feeling defensive, I think it is because of your approach to the subject. Have you tried to calmly discuss how you feel or are you confronting him about his 'behavior'? Are you trying to dictate rules and boundaries or are you trying to set them with him? He is your husband, not a your five year old child.

Look at your expectations. Are they realistic? Are you pushing him away by being clingy and insecure?