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    Apr 11, 2012, 11:39 PM
    Relationship after divorce
    I am really worried about a very good friend of mine. We grew up together and he has had unstable relationships all his life, picking the wrong person, going too fast, getting too emotional etc and then they dumped him and moved on. He is a great guy, but is I think emotionally a bit of a dwarf. Anyway, here is the story. His wife left him about three years ago within three months of marriage because she was seeing someone else. The first year was very difficult for him to handle. My husband and I and his family were a huge support to him, but it was bad. Then he met an amazing girl. We all liked her a lot. They were going good for a year and we were all very happy as she was very stable and very much in love with him. Then his divorce case flared up and it became very bitter. He eventually had to pay a lot of alimony and had to go through a lot of hardships. He was emotionally broken. This girl was there to support him and we respect her for that. Soon after the drama of his divorce got done, he dumped this girl. He announced that he never wanted to get married and that wouldn’t be fair on this girl so he acted bitter with her and dumped her really bad. That was very sad for all of us especially since we all liked her very much and had gotten kind of emotionally attached with her. Then one fine day he announced to everyone that he is moving in with someone. I am his best friend but even I didn’t know that he was thinking of such a thing. Two days later this girl moves into his home. None of us like her. They had a short fling about 6 years ago and it didn’t work out. She, I know now, was his fallback girl. Every time in his life when he was bitter or sad or not looking at getting married, this girl and he would start having a long distance relationship. And now, since he has decided never to get married, their long distance relationship started and she shifted into his house a month ago. The whole situation is very awkward. He is still very bitter and treats her bad despite us pointing out to him that he is doing so. He give us crazy stories about how women should not be trusted and how love doesn’t mean anything and it is all about sex. Although, we don’t like this girl, we are nice to her and we want the best for her. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with getting treated badly. I think she was fixated on him like when they had their short fling a six years or so ago and she couldn’t let go and move on so she took this opportunity to make it work despite the fact that she knows she is his fall back girl. She has some expectation like she is going to prove to him what love is. He uses her for sex, treats her not so good and the saga continues. I love my friend a lot. My husband and I have tried to talk to him about getting rid of his bitterness, but he is cutting the both of us off. He is even cutting his family off. He just wants to be. I am not so much worried about him because he is basically a positive person and he will bounce back after a while and get out of his bitterness. I am worried about this woman who is living with him. She doesn’t deserve to take this crap from him. She says she is doing it in the name of love and I tried to suggest to her once that love doesn’t come without respect and he doesn’t show her any respect. I wish well for her and am concerned for her. My questions are:

    1. will it ever work out for the both of them after he comes out of his bitterness and becomes normal? He has never really ever liked her when he has not been bitter.
    2. how will she realize that this isn’t love? It’s her addiction and fascination, not love?
    3. What can we do, his family and friends, to protect this girl from his wrath? Talking right now is pointless. He won't talk and she is too busy playing the nursing girlfriend’s role.

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