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sypher373 · Mar 19, 2007, 02:01 PM

Absolutely,

I think I gave up being a baby to her, and I replaced it with being a baby on here. I really wasn't addressing the problem, I was just moving the feelings from one place to another, and that won't fix them. Im starting to feel better as time passes, coinciding with the beginning of NC. I hated the idea at first, it sounded so hard, but it seems to be working.

I understand what you were doing tal, and I thank you for it. Definitely made me think.

s_cianci · Mar 19, 2007, 02:20 PM

Stick by your guns. It is not being rude not to respond, especially after you've already made it clear that no contact is going to be the rule. Even if it is, you know that it's what's best for you and most likely her as well and it's what you need to do, so if it means being rude, so be it. Sometimes a little rudeness is justified and necessary.

Beverly Novak · Mar 19, 2007, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by sypher373

Guys,

As of a couple days ago, I asked my ex to discontinue contact with me as I think it was hurting me more than helping me. her as well. I dont think it was doing either of us much good to keep contact, as I felt she was leading me on, and she kept changing her mind about talking to me.

Well, since I talked to her about the no contact, she has texted me each day. the first time, she was telling me she was driving home in the middle of a storm, against her moms wishes...I ignored it, as i didnt see that as very important, but when she called me, I answered and wanted to make sure that it was clear that we both agreed to not have contact. She said that it was and she was now "facing reality" and it was really hard for her.

Well today, she has text messaged me again, saying "feel better", as she knows I have not been feeling well. I know this is just a kind gesture, but I dont know if I should ignore it, as I stated I want no contact, or if I should respond.

I feel like I should respond, becuase I dont want to be rude, though all I am doing is giving her what she asked for...space. If I ignore the text message, I feel horrible, as I am ignoring someone whom I still have very strong feelings for...

What should i do?!?

I am a woman and I believe I can help you get her back if you want her, one you are not a terrible person if you don't respond in fact not responding would be best. What you need to do is first let any messages she sends roll off your sholders. She must see that your not all that tore up about the break, then if you truly want her back you need to close your eyes and vizualize the way you want things to be, then write it down in as mutch detail as you can, then reread it often, and believe it with every fibber of your being. I don't know if you believe in God but if you do God promissed what so ever you ask in Jesuses name that will God do and God never breaks his promisses. Good luck, God bless and protect you. Your newest friend Beverly Novak

sypher373 · Mar 19, 2007, 03:18 PM

Thanks Beverly,

But like I said, at this point I'm not thinking about getting back together with her. Im working on being a better person myself, and when that is over if she comes back to me, I will be a stronger person and it will be my turn to decide if I WANT her back or not.

Thanks for the support though

tyson12 · Mar 19, 2007, 03:19 PM

I am kind of going through the same thing, just give the time she asked for, just tell her politely. That way you know you can have piece of mind that you were not the cause of the time she wanted and that way if your nice about it, it will eat her up that you were not mad about it. I hate games, but sometimes you just got to.

Skell · Mar 19, 2007, 03:22 PM

So it a simple as asking God for it and he will deliver? Wow, the options are endless. Law of Attraction didn't work for me so maybe prayer will. Jessica Alba here I come.

Why do people want to win someone back? Maybe you can answer that for me Beverly. Why would anyone want to win someone's love? Wouldn't it be much more gratifying to earn it? I think it is quite sad actually. And I think it is even sadder that people are willing to hatch plans to help other win ex's back!

sypher373 · Mar 19, 2007, 03:28 PM

Skell,
I'd have to agree, that almost sounded like a religious recruitment speech when I read it, though I didn't want to start anything :)

lil_mandy · Mar 19, 2007, 03:33 PM

Sometimes we all have to move on in life .We have to make tough decisions for those we love and to save ourselves some grieve as well

Your ex asked you for some space and obviously is confused in herself where she wants you to be . At the same time she may been as a friendly manner concerned for you.

You shouldn't feel horrible because your not replying her text message your ex asked for space and is using the time to be very confused about her feeling towards you .

Please try and move on .If she does come and see you or that out of concern or that then let it be her move to see you and contact you not the other way around .

Good luck

Wildcat21 · Mar 19, 2007, 03:33 PM

Yes skell... you put it best - there is no win back. It's earn it. And that can also be by giving her/him space - and then working on improving yourself.

sypher373 · Mar 19, 2007, 03:44 PM

That's my plan as of now...

Thanks everyone

Jiser · Mar 19, 2007, 04:33 PM

Become a new you, reliant upon no one but yourself :)

Take pleasure in the small things in life, love can happen when your not even looking for it. My ex and me met at a random beach party. I wasn't even looking for love and I didn't particularly like her but it grew. Point is you don't know what is around the corner. So live for you and your friends, go out and party hard! Woo goo u

sypher373 · Mar 20, 2007, 08:12 PM

Thanks for all the insight guys, unfortunately I have one more thing to add...

Again, I am getting messages from her stating that she "is hurt beucase we have to do this" (NC), and hopes I am doing well. I know I shouldn't feel bad, because she is doing this to herself.

I guess I just want to know if you think I'm doing the right thing by ignoring these messages. It seems that in most cases, the one who initiated the breakup doesn't keep contact after the hurt one decides to go NC.

BigNe · Mar 21, 2007, 08:56 AM

Well after reading your posting it made me smile as I have been there myself. What she has done is ask for space and then realised that she doesn't really want that and can't live without you so she is trying to be the casual one by sending 'friendship' texts to see if you respond.

Its all to do with attention. She craves your attention.

Don't text back because the more you text her back the more she thinks its OK and also it would be a waste of time telling her you are breaking off contact because she hasn't understood that before.

The other option is change your mobile number - call you phone provider and ask them to allocate a new number to you because you are getting nuisance calls and then make sure she doesn't get your number. That way you can have the space you need and she can have hers and if you want to give things ago again ring her but obviously from a landline because if she gets your mobile number again you could be back to square one.

sypher373 · Mar 21, 2007, 11:41 AM

Can't say I'm surprised...

Based on all the hints I have been getting from her before we started the no contact, I have found out that my ex likes someone else.

How exactly can she like someone else after breaking up with me less than a month ago. I don't know how she can move on so fast. I know you are goig to tell me that her emotional attachment was gone, and that she weaned herself off before I even knew.

I guess that isn't the point now, I just need to move on.

How do I handle the fact that she likes someone else? She has told him that she likes him, and she says "I dont think he likes me back", but personally I don't know if I can believe that, because after we broke up she said she wanted to be single and didn't want to get into a relationship... AND still claims she's not over me...

All my progress seems erased... I can't do it :(:(

Lowtax4eva · Mar 21, 2007, 11:48 AM

Progress? Sorry but I don't remember other posts but come on, she has moved on, she obviously doesn't respect you or never cared very much while you were together. Forget about her and move on, and stop talking to her. Maybe in a few years you can think of being friends but anyone that dumps you, finds a new guy she likes in a few weeks and then tells you all about it doesn't have a lot of respect for you and probably just wants to see your reaction.

sypher373 · Mar 21, 2007, 11:58 AM

I forgot to mention a few details about the kid..

I heard these before/during the break up when we were trying to remain in contact.
He goes to school with her, so they share similar interests. I also know he was in a long term relationship and was dumped by his girlfriend, no more than a couple months ago. I also know he was hung up on his ex girlfriend for a while, and I think is just starting to get over it..

Seems to me that he might be trying to use her as a rebound girl... does that make sense?

It sucks that she's going to get hurt, but to be honest, she's hurt me so bad I can't say I feel bad

Lowtax4eva · Mar 21, 2007, 12:01 PM

Yeah, exactly, they will probably have a temporary dual rebound thing but don't worry about it, you should hang out with friends more, get a new hooby. Really anything to stop thinking about her, it shouldn't matter what happens to her if she dumped you. You need to find someone new and never talk to her again.

Skell · Mar 21, 2007, 02:20 PM

Don't feel bad. It is what SHE asked for. She is trying to control you and so far you are letting her.

Don't sit at home brooding over it. Get out and exercise, do other things to take your mind of it for a at least a few hours or so.

You have to be strong.

All she is doing now is playing games. If she still feels this way in some time from now and you feel that things will be different and you have both worked on your issues then you can contemplate seeing / talking to her again. But right now all it is form her is games and a control thing. Not fair and will only end in more hurt in my opinion.

sypher373 · Mar 21, 2007, 02:25 PM

Thanks lowtax,

I wish it was as easy as you make it sound. I just don't understand how it seems all that time just got thrown out the window. And she has the nerve to say she "isnt over me yet" while she's confessing to another guy she likes him...

Skell · Mar 21, 2007, 02:40 PM

Its called a rebound.

And this doesn't halt your progress at all. Sure it is a little setback and it hurts but it doesn't change a thing in what you should be doing for yourself.

You can't control what she does and how she acts, but you can control how you act and feel.

As I said, it is a rebound and they never / very rarely work. But that isn't the issue. The issue is you and your recovery. Forget her and her childish antics. Look after No. 1.

Its OK. There will be many ups and downs. I promise you that. It is just all part of the process.