[EllieA]

What is the best way to support someone who is terminally ill and extreemly depressed about it. He speaks of suicide and is saying his good-byes to everyone. Should I go visit or just make myself available?

[kinks]

Hey Ellie, it's always hard when a friend has found out that they are terminally ill because there is little to look forward to.

Many people find different ways to get through it. Firstly the person has told you, which presumably means that they are looking for help and support. In which way they want this depends on the person.

Firstly you need to talk to your friend and this is the most difficult, without pushing at all, let them say what they want to, and if they don't wish to talk then don't make them.

Why not simpily try doing the things you used to with the person, going out staying in watching a movie, I mean you need the normal things to get through the day.

All your friend is thinking about is that they are going to die, there's nothing I can do about it. And well there isn't and there is no point in giving false hope - you just need to help them make the most of their time and be there if they need you.

Some people like to fulfil their lifes dreams and if this is the case help them to do this, let them have all the fun they can have and most importantly you have fun too, this will be the last great few times you spend with your friend and if you spend it always wondering how they are or when they are going to die then it won't help.

Most of the time the best thing is to put it to the back of your mind, but not forget about it and that means everyone, you and the person with the illness. What use does getting upset make.

Hope I have helped

[Markmackhoppis]

Well, Morphine is good.

If not that, Look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which usually comes down to money, traveling, and girls.

Go to the most beautiful place on earth, that is relative, and reflect. Help with your life to achieve this person's goals, to somehow fulfill that empty that has always been there. To be someone or to go somewhere, or to fall in love, or to get laid, or to find God.

[grammadidi]

Your friend is probably thinking of all angles, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you feel that you are strong enough to support them in whatever way they might need, then yes, you should visit! If they speak of suicide to you, suggest they speak with someone from the local hospice. They have people who will come and listen to the dying person in a non-judgemental, caring way. Let the experts deal with that issue.

When my husband was dying one of his friends came to see him every single week. In the beginning he just spoke to him about things they had done together, what was happening in his life, asked him about doctor appointments, told him who he had run into, asked if there was anything he wanted him to bring, talked about TV shows, movies... pretty much anything. As my husband became sicker, there were days when his friend just came and sat with him while he slept, listened when he complained of the pain, read to him, or even agreed with him that life sucked the big one some days.

I don't know your friend's circumstances but there are some great books out there about similar situations/feelings that might make good reading material for him. You can get him joke books, too. He might need someone to cook and eat with him, take him shopping, go for a short walk. If he can go out you have a bonus. Draw his attention to the little things that can make him happy - even if for a brief moment. If you know other friends of his, get them to drop by, too. If a different friend drops by every day, even if just for 10 or 15 minutes it will give him something to look forward to. Having something to look forward to really helps a lot. If he has a favourite food, bring it from time to time. If he likes car races, show up in time to get him to watch one with him... or arrange to show up when the next one is on.

With my husband one of the things I did early on after we found out he was dying was make him tell me a list of ten things he wished he had done or could do before he died. Then we brainstormed ways we could do some of them and actually did others. I think the main thing is to be there for him. Don't be afraid to talk about his illness, fears, etc. As I said, having something to look forward to, helps a lot. You may just touch his life more than you can imagine. Oh, and LISTEN... just listen. You don't always have to respond with words. A tear, a touch, a sigh... it all helps.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Didi