[Mom of one daughter]

My preacher teaches from the Bible that Christians' should not have pre-martial sex. I know for sure his 20 yr old daughter is having sex. Question: Should I tell him or his wife? :(

[JoeCanada76]

Answer is NO.

It is none of your business and is not up to you to tell.

[JoeCanada76]

I appologise if it did not sound nice. I have a tendency to get straight to the point. Did not mean any harm by it.

Joe

[RickJ]

I 2nd Joe's "No".

The preacher should not stop preaching what he thinks is right just because one of his family members is not following it.

[shygrneyzs]

Telling the preacher and his wife is not what you want to do here. I agree with Joe and Rick - it is not your problem. While it may irk you to hear the preacher expound the virtues of virginity and waiting till marriage, it is not your place to be the bearer of the news of his daughter.

No one - preacher or otherwise - wants to hear about their child's sexual conduct.

[RickJ]

And to further clarify, although I know you're not implying it:

That the daughter is having sex before marriage does not make the preacher a hypocrite for preaching against it even if he knows about her.

I add this only because I've run into the same situation many times in my own life. I teach my kids, and tell others if they ask, what I believe is right, but

1. Not all of my kids have always done as I teach and say, and worse yet
2. I myself have done wrong; that is, done other than what I "preach".

... but I still know, teach and exclaim what I believe.

Pray for him and his family.

[boogie32b]

I'm not sure I totally agree with the rest of the posts. Sex outside of marriage is so common in our culture, that no one even thinks about how harmful it is to her to be doing so. No sin is without consequences and she could be messing up her life. How well do you know her? Are you close enough that you could approach her in love without condemnation, but with concern for her well-being? I would talk to her directly as she is an adult woman. She needs loving concern and guidance. She may not listen, but other than praying for her, I think your responsibility would end there.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well I don't have any daughter so I know its not mine. But likely my son with her.

It is most likely that they know, pastors family are the same as everyone else's, they try, but kids do what kids do and often pastors children rebel more at first.

And not wanting to be mean, unless you were there watching them, you don't know for sure, you just have a good idea they are.

It does not change the fact it is wrong, and it does not change the fact they still love their daughter.

So no just let it go as part of life.

[bekkiod]

I agress with all the answers so far.

Don't tell him, but if you know her then contact her. It may be too threatening to talk to her directly. Maybe you could send her a book! All you can do is get her thinking!

Bernadette

[Squiffy]

I would stay out of it. She is a grown woman, it is not up to you, or her family, or anyone else, what she does. Its up to her. Everyone has different moral standards, let her have her own. Its not her fathers fault she is having sex, or her fault her family preaches against it.

[kp2171]

sex is risky behavior, premarital or not. It has potential consequences, even when the religious aspect is ignored.

but... should you tell them about their adult child's action in the bedroom? I doubt it.

they know she's an adult. What are they going to do? Ground her? Obviously she has been around the faith enough to have made a purposeful decision against the teachings in this regard. Her parents are not responsible for her actions at this age.

yes... we tend to hold those in the public eye to a higher standard. But really, she is an adult. She's already got somebody in her bedroom. No room for you too.

I guess the ONLY way id say tell them is if you are on very friendly, familiar terms.

and one note about the "tone" of posts here at AMHD, many of us are quite straight forward and there's not a lot of pretense. In time, I think many appreciate the frankness, even if we are often lacking in tact.

maybe I shouldn't speak for the site... even if I am lacking in tact. =)

[ordinaryguy]

It's telling that your question is whether you should tell her parents, not whether you should talk to her. I have to wonder if your primary concern is for her welfare.

[tinsign]

It is not your place to tell them this, for why would you want to cause a problem as for sure it would. We are none of us without some sort of sin and the daughter is an adult and what she does is up to her. I truly think not to many people whether married or not haven't had sex by that age or at least played around. So what if she is the preachers daughter is she not allowed to have a private life?

[ashleysb]

I agree with the others. Don't tell them. Number one reason is because she is an adult and can make her own decisions (good or bad). And those decisions are not necessarily her parents business any more, and especially not yours. Reason number two would be, unless you have witnessed (actually seen with your own eyes) this woman having sex, it is all just hearsay. And if you brought this up to her parents and come to find out your information is false, you're going to be looking pretty silly. So if I were you, I would just drop the whole matter.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just reminds me of some of the "good nature helpful" ladies we have had in various years in various churches, they want to make sure that everyone is aware of things the pastor said, or that the pastors family is doing. ( seems they miss the talking about others sermons)

They can't wait to run to the pastor and tell them about this membor or that member, or run and tell all for the ladies social group about some other member. I always said that was one way to keep attendance high, no member would dare miss, since they would be talked about if they did.

We need to love God and leave the lives of other people to them

[louie1]

What this girl chooses to do with her life really is non of your business, how would you feel if she ran to your parents with something that you did not want them to know.Let her live her life and learn from her own mistakes have you never wanted to do something that you have been told you cant!!

[Lo02]

No. Its not your place to speak on the subject.
You don't want to be known as the nosey women in town that no one can talk around because she might tell someone else.
Your heart is there but its better to m.y.o.b.

[kp2171]

The original poster hasn't commented on this thread in over a year.

[bre2059]

I completely agree with not telling her father or mother. I come from a family with a line of men and women being preachers. And one thing you need to remember is that preachers are as human as anyone else. No one is above another. Plus his daughter is an adult she can make decisions for herself. She might mess up, but how many people haven't? It does not excuse her from her behavior and consequences, but that is something she has to deal with not you and the rest of the world, including me. It is not our jobs to condemn the people around us, we all make mistakes.

[kp2171]

the original poster hasnt commented on this thread in over a year.

Time to close this old thread.