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Amw445 · Mar 26, 2012, 11:21 PM

I'm all new to this so I'll try to give it my best shot. So we've been dating for 7 months and everything was going beyond great. We were madly in love and everyone thought we were going to get married soon and so did I. We hardly ever fought and though it was long distance I saw her as much as possible( usually 2 weekends a month). So I come home to help her move into her new house and she was acting all weird. She was taking a nap and I went through her phone because she was texting and kind of ignoring me. By the way this is the first time I've ever went through her phone... And I saw she and her ex were texting each other. I read that he said I miss the old us and the way things use to be and she replied that she missed it too. So I confronted her and of course she got pissed but that's not the point. Basically she said it was OK to miss an ex, but I said that maybe so but not when you with someone else. But then she started telling me that she needed to figure herself out.

She said she loves me and is in love with me most of the time but she has to question if she is in love with me sometimes. Then we got onto the topic of her ex again and she admitted to not being over him when we first started dating and that she never questioned their love. But this guy was an awful boyfriend to her and even choked her one time... But that's not the point. She also said that even though he treated her like ****, when it was going good it was really good. Once again the topic changed, and she started talking about her future and how she wanted to be a traveling nurse and move around but she knows I don't want that. But she also says that she wants to have four kids and not be an old mother. I told her she would have to figure it out and let me know in a week... That lasted about two days, because I couldn't take it anymore. Basically she said she didn't know, and didn't know what to tell me... I asked her if she was willing to try and make it work but she said she didn't know.

So I broke it off, and it didn't seem to bother her one bit. She said to do what I had to do. 2 days later she deletes me from FB and all the little games we play together on the phone as well as pictures from her FB. I called her and she said she thought it was for the best. I told her I wanted to get back and would do anything but she just said she couldn't say the same at the time. It's been two weeks since that day and I haven't heard a peep from her. I wanted her back up until today. I've gone from the sad depressed stage to being pissed.

But I'd still like to have closure on the whole thing so I can move on, but she says there is nothing left to talk about. However she did say that she hate how it ended and just needed to figure out. She never wanted to hurt me. Any thoughts on what the hell happened? I mean nothing was wrong until that day I read the messages. And we were madly in love, even talked about growing old and made a bucket list. Then it all changes in one day and completely surprises everyone including her family. My thoughts are that she projected her feelings for her ex onto me and everything was fine. But when he started texting her she realized it was him and not me and cut all the ties with me. Which would explain why she isn't bothered by it at all...

Lastly I forgot to say that when we were arguing she said forget about her ex, because it wasn't even about him. Sorry this is so long but it feels good to share it with unbiased people. Thanks so much!

jaffeyjoeblaze · Mar 27, 2012, 04:13 AM

You don't need closure, you already have it... she doesn't know what she wants and who she wants it with... from the sounds of it she will try with the ex then realize it won't work then try to possibly get back with you since she is so indecisive and at a point in her life of not knowing which road to go down... you seem to be coping well and should move on since its only going to bother you if you keep hanging onto the situation...

Amw445 · Mar 27, 2012, 06:15 AM

Thanks! As far as me coping, it's been really bad up until a few days ago. I'm really trying to move on at this point but in the back of my mind she is always there and it's probably a good thing she hasn't called because I know I'd take her back in a second. However, I really just want to know the truth of what happened and I know I deserve it. I'll even allow that she really doesn't know what she wants, but she went about it all wrong. I forgot to add that she said we had something good, she just wasn't sure if she was in the same spot of the relationship. If so how can you just cut someone off and not feel anything. Perhaps she's trying not to hurt me, but it actually hurts worse not knowing anything...

jaffeyjoeblaze · Mar 27, 2012, 06:23 AM

Of course you want to know, you may get that answer today, next year or 3 years from now... it can happen that way I know from experience... you don't want to get stuck in a situation where she doesn't know what she wants and takes the same actions all over again... that would be stupid on both of you... be mad then let it go

Amw445 · Mar 27, 2012, 07:56 AM

Thanks! And I'm trying and it's getting a little better everyday. I guess I just have to come to grips that she's not over that pos and I won't get any answers. It just sucks because everything was perfect and I want it back... but I can't have it.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2012, 08:29 AM

It was perfect until you snooped which shows a disrepect of privacy, and lack of trust, and you made a big mistake by confronting her. To make it worse, you had a difference of opinion, acted out of jealousy and insecurity, and YOU broke it off, figuring she would cave, or cry, and beg you not to break up. You dumped her, instead of talk to her.

So here you are with all the reasons before you, yet you have no clue?? That's denial of your part in this and whether she was right or wrong is no longer important. Now she doesn't want to talk about it, so best leave her alone, and realize it was fun while it lasted, and now its over and move on.

I doubt you understand any of this, but as time, and your emotional dust settles, you will come to understand what happened and why, and learn from it.

mmresd · Mar 27, 2012, 10:10 AM

You have made your bed and now you have to sleep on it. Going through someone's privacy cannot bring anything but bad things, you have failed to trust her and you have betrayed her trust.

Also, it is clear she is not over her boyfriend. Break up with her and move on, is better not to mess with someone that has not completely ended their previous relationship.

Amw445 · Mar 27, 2012, 10:20 AM

I completely agree with the snooping, and I told her I was sorry that I did that. However I didn't dumped her without talking about it... She didn't really want to talk about it and her answer to everything was I don't know. If she did love me I would figure that she would have a least a little something to say, but maybe that's just me. But I did freak out and panicked. Reason being is because I had no clue what was going on. It was perfect then all of the sudden all this at once. And texting your ex saying I miss the old us isn't exactly what you expect to hear from someone you love and want to spend the rest of you're life with. Thanks for the opinion though, I'm trying to hear this from all angles

macardent · Apr 4, 2012, 09:33 AM

Man you are way too mature. I ended up calling my ex a slut for breaking up with. She never gave me a good reason why she wanted to break up but I think its got something to do with her ex. Or maybe I was just a rebound. The best thing to do right now is never talk to her ever again. That way she will feel bad about it for the rest of her life. If you make a move you will come off as needy. You don't want that. I am trying to cope with my breakup too. She just told me 7 hrs ago never to call her ever again. I been up for more than 26 hrs.