[Mulan159]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 months, now he treats me like a star. Takes me to dinner and the cinema etc. Never lets me pay for anything! Unfortunately his ex left him a little scarred and it took him a while to get used to a relationship again! There's things he is still not ready to tell me and that's fine! He's always been secretive with his phone, but he doesn't have anything to hide. He just always been like that!

I've never looked at a bfs phone before, but I kept seeing this girls name appear. I gave in and looked. He was texting her about us, and the few tiny fights we had (never yelled at each other just pissed off a little) but he said " she was annoyed at me for this ( it was a stupid reason and I explained he was wrong, it was because he could never give me a reason other than I can't just because) I suppose I'm not treating her like a girlfriend, we shouldn't be fighting this early on just doesn't feel right! A previous text was me nagging how he should treat me ( I've broken my arm and he didn't come over until the evening ! I don't mean to. Last thing I want to do is things like this)

She gave back a comment with o your so right are you going to leave her? And a load more... But he didn't reply It made me so nervous I started shaking and felt nauseous He had to cancel our plans I got so sick, he told me to sleep so I did, and drove me home slowly, before I slept I asked was everything OK with us and he said yeah of course as if nothing had changed. Is he thinking of leaving or is it just her words he will ignore. How close is he starting to feel to her, he's never mentioned her before she's not part of the friends group.

[mmresd]

Sometimes guys (including myself) have a lady friend that we use to get a female's point of view out of a problem with a girlfriend. You are over thinking it, let it go and focus on making your relationship better, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT EVER look at this phone again. Period.

[talaniman]

He treats you like a star and you act like a needy jealous... well you know! Come on, its only been 3/4 months and you already act ungrateful.

Change your behavior and put you better foot forward as you both enjoy getting to know each other and maybe you will get a chance to meet his friend, who he obviously trusts. I mean if you hadn't been snooping, you wouldn't have gotten sick.

Nice guys don't deserve that do they?

[Mulan159]

So I said to my boyfriend text me in a bit I'm just going to have a shower!
So when he text me "good shower?"
I replied saying yeah I'm all wet! He just said lol giggity thinking he was being funny picking up on a bad choice of words from me, I continued to say "what If that's what I meant" he didn't believe me so I continued and finally the reply I got was "tease lol"
After 1that I said time to get dressed you think? And he just said "yeah lol"

And didn't reply after that... Do you think he's just not the kind of guy to like those kind of texts or just really shy about what to say?
He just kept saying lol and I got no more than 2 words every time :/ dno if he liked it or not

[Cakecookies]

Yes

[mmresd]

I think every guy likes it, it is possible for a guy not to know HOW to do it though... comes with practice ;).

[Fr_Chuck]

How old are the two of you, what is great for 20 year olds may not be OK for 14 year olds

[Mulan159]

FR_chuck.. . 19 and he's 21 relax. ;)
I've also never done something like this today was a first hence why iwas so thrown by his response
Do you all think he was just shy and didn't know how to respond then ?

[Alty]

You're not children, but you're far from being full on adults. Some things do get better with age. :)

I think that the fact that he made fun of your choice of words shows that he may be into sexy texts, but that he's just not that good at it, or versed at it.

This is just a guess though. Only he knows how he really feels, so why not talk to him about it? After all, you're in a relationship, he is your boyfriend. Talking to each other about the things that interest you, that's a part of being a couple. If you can deal with talking about minor issues like this, you won't be shocked when something major comes along.

[Mulan159]

I did ask tonight but just got a laugh and a smile lol
He can be shy ( he was so shy at the start) so I think it's just that he doesn't know how to respond :)

[Alty]

I did ask tonight but just got a laugh and a smile lol
he can be shy ( he was so shy at the start) so I think it's just that he doesn't know how to respond :)

It's hard when someone is shy, but he is your boyfriend.

I'd sit him down, say "Look, I know you're shy, but this is me. I'm your girlfriend, we swap bodily fluids, so if you can't talk to me, then who can you talk to? Fact is, I'd like to know what's going on, and you laughing about it and brushing it off, that's not helping. If you can't talk about something as mundane and inconsequential as this, then what will happen when a serious issue comes up? Will you laugh that off too?"

Okay, maybe you can word it a bit nicer, but that's pretty much what I'd say, because shy or not, if he can't be himself around you, tell you how he really feels, then I don't see this relationship going very far.

[Mulan159]

Not that serious :/... We've had more serious talks he has no issues talking to me about things!
The fact I was teasing him at the time may have been why I got little response lol

[Alty]

Not that serious :/ ... We've had more serious talks he has no issues talking to me about things!
The fact I was teasing him at the time may have been why I got little response lol

If this is something that you're really concerned about, or want to clarify, then you can't go about it in a teasing way. I agree, he probably responded the way he did because he didn't think you wanted a serious discussion about it.

So it comes down to what you want. Do you want to clarify this with him? Do you want to know how he feels about it? If so, then you need to seriously sit down with him and talk about it. Not teasing. Teasing is fine if you're just playing around, but when you want to talk about something that's on your mind, you have to take a serious approach.

[DoulaLC]

I think you are over-thinking this. Were you expecting a different response from him? You said you were just teasing him, and that appears to be how he took it.

[Mulan159]

My boyfriend texts this one girl every so often and from what I've seen she's the one he would talk to about us if we have had a tiny argument (never had a huge fight) but she would be the one he vents too! I know guys may have a friend that's a girl that they talk to to get a girls perspective or just to be told they are in the right!
She sent him a MSG agreeing with him when he was venting one night and said are you going to leave her for which he didn't reply too and didn't talk to her for maybe a week and our relationship was actually great after that! This was maybe just over a month ago!

I saw a message from her yesterday saying "...I still have a soft spot for you! ... Want a cuddle Etc hugs" and he said something I dno what and she said
"you not want my hugs!?" and he kind of shrugged her off saying "no I do sorry weird ATM"
I thought maybe she was the ex but found out today she's not! I asked one of his friends and they don't know her!
He hides the phone away even when just texting his guy mates but it's just starting to bother me how she talks to him and try's to evoke a response!
How to approach the conversation with him to ask about her! I'm not the jealous type I was OK with it is I trust him but it's just starting to upset me how he vents to her but doesn't think to tak to me about it, I've always had to go on how he feels by his actions because he chokes and can't say them out loud :/

He really is a great guy and that's the problem with his texting her, he wouldn't want to hurt her feeings either and she knows that and seems to play on that

I want to talk to him tonight and ask who she is and sort this out but I don't know the best way without him going silent or running off to text her about it after our night out together
Helpy :(

[Schoolmarm97]

I think if you approach the discussion nicely with something like "I know you're the most honest, best boyfriend ever, and I don't want to make you think I don't trust you, but I'm really worried and I hope you can set my mind at ease." Then ask him who the girl is he's been texting and ask flat out (nicely) if you have anything to worry about as far as she's concerned. See what he says. You'll know by his reaction whether there's more to it than just friendship.

For what it's worth, I have male friends who leave me phone messages like "let's get naked and run through the bushes." I know there's nothing to it and so does my fiancé. It's meant to be funny and it is. She may just be kind of poking fun at him a bit. If so, you might want to suggest that it's a little over the top, but don't make it a bigger issue than it has to be.

[mmresd]

You need to stop looking through someone else's privacy. Everything will be misunderstood whenever you do so. If there is not trust, there is no relationship.

[Mulan159]

Thank you schoolmarm97
Just what I needed to say!
And he understood and listened,
He promised there was nothing going on with his serious/smiley look ( his you really don't need to worry,your being silly and have got it allll look) whenever I asked why he felt the need to hide it he answere simply "because I know what she's like and I'm not like that!" and I knew /know he wasn't/isn't like that ( because of something in the past he's the last guy that would ever cheat in any way or form) there wasn't any mistrust for him! I knew he shrugged her off and either changed the topic or simply stopped talking to her altogether... I was just getting upset because I didn't appreciate her tone and yes it wasn't nice he was hiding it but it was because he knew I would get upset like I did!
I admit I couldn't hold back tears because it was awful trying to bring the topic up :/ all he wanted to do was comfort me said don't worry and kept asking if I was OK!

A girl just shouldn't talk to a guy in such a tone, and with such persistence when she knows he has a girlfriend! I have seen him get a little pissed off looking whenever her names popped up even more conformation lol
Anyway he said sorry that I even had to ask and promised to say something to her!
So I'm much happier :)
And it was really nice to be able to talk about it so easily with him! He's not a huge talker so it was nice to finally hear him give explanations! I'm happy to say not one lie came out of his mouth when talking! (he's an awful lier lol)