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Alwaysgetshurt · Mar 21, 2012, 03:45 PM

Why is this guy I've been seeing for a year now still referring to me as "just talking"? But his whole family things were boyfriend/girlfriend.

If he doesn't want me after a year, I don't know, I'm so confused!

Alty · Mar 21, 2012, 05:34 PM

Has he asked you to be his girlfriend? What his family thinks doesn't matter. What he thinks, and what you think, and what the two of you agree on, that's what matters.

If you want to know what's going on in his head, talk to him. Part of having a relationship is being able to communicate with the person you are, or want to be, in a relationship with.

Ask him. Maybe he can clear up the confusion.

Alwaysgetshurt · Mar 21, 2012, 06:00 PM

I wish I could write everything going on but it would take way to long I did ask him a couple months after we started talking and he said he wasn't ready for a girlfriend right now cause he had just broken up with one an he likes to wait a yr in between I don't know so I sad maybe this isn't going to work and he left an apoligized and said"im sorry if i hurt u i thought we were on the same page we didnt want anything to serious u knew i just got out of a relationship " and I had said "ell we can just stay friends i guess" to which he said"ok maybe we can try again down the road" and we ended up just like we were boyfriend girlfriend again not friends an he says he likes me a lot he is just not an afectionate person an then I thought he was interested in another girl an he said"ashley im not that kinda guy i wouldnt be talking to you if i was an i do like u i may not show it" I don't know so lost lol boys are so confusing

Even his friend asked once like so you guys are boyfriend girlfriend an I said well he says were just talking and he's like"no your his gf hes stupid" I don't care if everyone else thing we are or not I just want to know what he thinks he's sooo stubborn lol I don't know what to say to him cause evrythings going good just annoying lol

Alty · Mar 21, 2012, 06:10 PM

Boys are confusing, but so are girls. You did say, "n i had said "ell we can just stay friends I guess". So in his mind he thought you were okay with that. But deep down, you weren't.

With boys you have to be straight forward and downright honest. If you aren't okay with just being his friend, you have to tell him that, otherwise he assumes that you're okay with just being friends.

So talk to him. Tell him that you want to be more than friends, and see what he says. But don't play games. If you don't mean something (if you don't want to just be friends) then tell him. Boys take what we say at face value. They can't read minds, and boys aren't like girls, they don't do the whole (She must mean something else, even though this is what she said) game.

Alwaysgetshurt · Mar 21, 2012, 06:23 PM

Hes the one who started talking to me an taking me out on dates and kissed me first so he made the first move and then yes after I said the friends things we acted like friends for a week and we hung out and he would be like why didn't I get a kiss the other night I don't know I should talk to him your right lol

I just don't know what to say I'm so nervous cause in my last relationship he was physically and verbally abusive so when I would say something id get yelled at I don't know its hard

Alty · Mar 21, 2012, 07:07 PM

It's never easy to be honest. There's always a level of fear, even if you've never been abused. There's fear that the person won't agree, or that they'll be upset, or that they'll leave you. But, do you really want a relationship with someone you can't talk to?

Alwaysgetshurt · Mar 21, 2012, 07:17 PM

I can talk to him about anything but this I don't know he's weird but thank you for all the advise I know I have to do it soon cause it obviously really bothering me

talaniman · Mar 22, 2012, 08:08 AM

To have a healthy relationship you must talk to each other to get on the same page. If fear is causing all this confusion, then get some courage talk, and define this between you or what's the point.

Don't let the baggage of the past poison this relationship, or whatever it is. To be fair, he has a lot of baggage himself. Not unusual for two scared of being hurt people to gravitate together, and double the fears they have.

Still no excuse to talk and end the confusion. How old are you both?

Alwaysgetshurt · Mar 22, 2012, 03:13 PM

Im in my late 20's, so is he.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2012, 09:37 PM

Your expectations and the way you both see things is obviously very different. Stop assuming, and presuming, and question more to know more. He may like you, but doesn't want a title, or responsibility of working and building, that a title conveys. He goes with the flow, while you need certainty, security, and direction.

Lack of talking and expressing your needs, and concerns will be disappointing, and bite you in the butt later. It already is.