[Teaching]

I personally find "Transitions" very difficult. I am wondering if anyone has ideas on how to deal with transitions in life. Eg; ending of relationships, careers, death in the family, etc.

[valinors_sorrow]

We all deal with transitions badly. Some more so than others, some more openly than others. But its always very disconcerting. Grief is a strange thing in that when you begin to rack up a few losses, when another one comes along you can sometimes end up regrieving all the other ones too, and that really compounds things. There are predictable stages of grief that were first explored by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and I would recommend her book, On Death and Dying to anyone strugging in grief. Its both illuminating, grounding and very heartwarming -- all things someone caught in the craziness can use! For me, it is precisely in our weaknesses that I tend to find our greatest graces and having grieved a bunch in my life, I have also found there is none as powerful as the grace of grief. It behooves us to let it happen, let ourselves be human and do it badly.

[Teaching]

It is comforting to know "one is not alone" in dealing with transitions. Thanks

[talaniman]

Acceptance is the first step to healing and can take time depending on the person. Denial stops the whole process, but is natural when things happen to fast for us to digest. Denial is often the first visitor until acceptance slowly moves it out.

[chippers]

Taking it one day at atime helps. If things get too hard to bear, you could try talking to a councilor or maybe clergy. Transitions can be tough especially if you aren't ready for it.
If it's the ending of a relationship, you need to greive before you can heal and move on to another. If its menopause, that takes time and there are support groups in your area with people who are going through what you are.

I hope this helps.

[Allheart]

Acceptence is the first step to healing and can take time depending on the person. Denial stops the whole process, but is natural when things happen to fast for us to digest. Denial is often the first visitor until acceptance slowly moves it out.

Tal, that is so true. Acceptance has to be the first step. My Father and Father-in-law died one week a part. My husband and I were so relevied that they were free from pain and sickness, that we didn't really "accept" they were gone, well until recently and it's been a couple of years. I still don't wish to talk about it. It really delays the healing process the longer you take to accept the situation for what it is.

Acceptance has to be the first step for any healing to begin. Whether it be the end of a relationship, death or any major change.

Great Question!!

[valinors_sorrow]

Actually believe it or not, it's the last Allheart, according to Kubler-Ross. I found this here. Now we can see what a process grieving is and how many places a person can get stuck too. Humans are complicated but man, you have to admire the design, its astonishing. All of you are! If you look over that site, you'll see that we don't do grief like a checklist either, but rather cycle in and out and repeat various parts of it too. It's a messy business but then so are many aspects of life! LOL


Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

[Allheart]

Actually believe it or not, its the last Allheart, according to Kubler-Ross. I found this here.


Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

LOL - Why am I not surprised. I always knew I was backwards. But you know, it does make sense. Thanks Val.

[Geoffersonairplane]

The shock stage was really a weird one. When my ex first told me almost 6 months ago now, I don't think it really registered in my head. I just walked around as normal, kind of numb and also hugely in denial for the first 2 - 3 months. Denial is the first visitor and I also agree with val in that these stages can repeat themselves and it is a messy process. When depression hits you, the grief is overwhelming and being alone is difficult but at times necessary... I remember those days I spent alone on a beach just staring out to sea trying to understand what was happening and asking myself over and over.. >Why?? Acceptance will always be the final stage as it is at this point that you realise the reality of the situation and what it is you must do to move forward.

You are never alone with this kind of thing, everyone goes through this at some point in life whether it be the death of a relative/friend or the death of a relationship since the two situations are quite comparible in terms of the grief that you experience. Many people go through this many times in life and become stronger because of it.

[Teaching]

You guys are very helpful. "Acceptance", scares me as I feel I am agreeing this person is no longer part of my life. I guess I am where the stages are at this point. Lots to think about.

[valinors_sorrow]

LOL - Why am I not surprized. I always knew I was backwards. But you know, it does make sense. Thanks Val.

Oh honey, I don't think its so much backwards! LOL I see that maybe you speed fairly effortless through some stages until then. Or that you are simply more conscious of this one than the others. And nobody said they go only in this order either. You may be taking small little nibbles of acceptance along the whole journey. What we feel/fear, emphasize or are conscious of will make each person's journey of grief as uniquely theirs as their DNA! :p

[Geoffersonairplane]

You guys are very helpful. "Acceptance", scares me as I feel I am agreeing this person is no longer part of my life. I guess I am where the stages are at this point. Lots to think about.

Acceptance is scary because you are letting go..

Have you ever watched the film Titanic? I expect you have. At the end, Rose DeWitt Bukater lets go of Jack Dawson who then sinks deep into the ocean never to be seen again. She was accepting that he was gone, she had to let go of him forever and I think that this scene in this film has a very powerful message to give out about acceptance. Then she found the strength to save herself, to move on and live a happy, healthy life but never letting go of that love she felt for him. Love is like that, you carry it inside, I believe until the day you die and perhaps even beyond (who knows?) but that does not mean you cannot let go because you can.

[Teaching]

I haven't seen that movie, however I will see if I can get and watch it, sounds powerful, thank you.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I haven't seen that movie, however I will see if I can get and watch it, sounds powerful, thank you.

It's a classic.. Bit of a love story but it does have a good idea of the meaning of acceptance at the end as I say. It is also a good film as it is based on the Titanic ship of course that sunk.

I love films based on historical events...

[valinors_sorrow]

Love is like that, you carry it inside, I believe until the day you die and perhaps even beyond (who knows?) but that does not mean you cannot let go because you can.

Titanic, Ghost, lots of stories. One of the most powerful awakenings I have experienced smack dab in the middle of some gutwrenching grieving is that love (of any kind) is boundless, endless and ever expanding-- just like the universe is. What is limited... what may change... is the package of who is currently reminding us of that. That is all. Realising that makes it possible to also then realise that I have never loved as much in my entire life as I have in this moment now. And this one. And this moment too! LOL

[Allheart]

Oh honey, I don't think its so much backwards! LOL I see that maybe you speed fairly effortless through some stages until then. Or that you are simply more conscious of this one than the others. And nobody said they go only in this order either. You may be taking small little nibbles of acceptance along the whole journey. What we feel/fear, emphasize or are conscious of will make each person's journey of grief as uniquely theirs as their DNA! :p

Thanks Val, :)

You are very special!