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Mom of one daughter · Feb 19, 2007, 08:08 PM

Hello! I have a 14 year old daughter that is on Zoloft for her anger issues. I have seen a big improvement but there are times she gets so angry with me, she hits or bites me. During this time, she is very disrespectful, angry, mouthy, etc. After her "fit" she is always sorry and says she doesn't mean any of it. Question: How do I handle these fits of anger and abuse? Her father and I are divorced but get along very well (she lives w/ me). He always talks to her but nothing seems to help. We have tried counseling in the past but she refuses to talk so it is a waste of time and money. I feel like I am losing her and she is only 14!

J_9 · Feb 19, 2007, 08:33 PM

You need to get her into counseling immediately. She needs to talk out her anger issues. This is totally unacceptable.

It is not a waste of time or money if you continue to take her there. She knows you will give up, so she remains tight lipped. You can 't give up, just take her no matter what. You may even want to consider family counseling.

Teaching · Feb 19, 2007, 09:23 PM

I agree, you need to get her help immediately, this is unacceptable behavior. Hitting/biting is very serious. I am not sure of the whole situation, however children who are dealing with loss (example parents divorce) can make them go through many steps. If you can find a one on one worker that she could trust - it would be great. Sometimes art therapy helps in this kinds of situation. Please get help for her and for yourself.

J_9 · Feb 20, 2007, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

You need to get her into counseling immediately. She needs to talk out her anger issues. This is totally unacceptable.

It is not a waste of time or money if you continue to take her there. She knows you will give up, so she remains tight lipped. You can 't give up, just take her no matter what. You may even want to consider family counseling.

Mom of one daughter,

Please read this again. She KNOWS you will give up if she doesn't talk, so she doesn't talk, you think therapy doesn't help. She is manipulating you. Therapy for some can take many years. Not weeks, not months, but years.

Whatever you do, don't let her get the upper hand. She already thinks she has it. So, dig your heals in, be strong. This is totally unacceptable.

Just think, if it is not taken care of now, what about when she has a child, the child is sick and will not sleep, will cry, etc , etc...

Nip the problem in the bud now, while you can.

Teaching · Feb 20, 2007, 08:54 PM

I agree it is manipulation, that is why you have to remain consistent. Children know when we follow through on our words.

GirlWSlingshot · Feb 3, 2009, 09:27 AM

J_9 is absolutely correct. You need to get her to counseling and keep her in it. You need to personally deliver her to the counselor's office for every appointment and not budge. Eventually, when she figures out that she cannot manipulate you again she will open up. Especially ask around for a counselor that specializes in adolescent girls.

Remember that you're the adult here. I can tell you love your daughter. The way you can show your love at this point is to be firm and get her the help she needs. Your baby girl is asking for help. It's a good thing that you and your husband have open communication, you're going to need to be on the same page. You need his support.

liz28 · Feb 3, 2009, 10:04 AM

Sometimes people don't connect with the counselor they have so you try someone else.

Also, depending of where you live, they have many places for teens to help deal with your daughter. You might want to try group counseling along with family counseling.

Regardless of your daughter outburst you are the mother. Don't ever let her hit you because if this continues it will only get worst and if she can do this to you she will do to an adult on the streets and sadly to say they won't care about her age and they will knock her out.

Be firm and talk to her but you remember you're her mother and you deserve respect. If I were to hit my mother at that age she would've knocked me out.

Anger management is something else that comes to mind but the root of her anger needs to revolve but why is she on Zoloft? Get her into someone office quick. You can Google free counselors in your area and look for some teens interventions too.

mrskelser08 · Feb 4, 2009, 04:50 PM

[F][F]Hi I dont know what your beliefs are on corporal punishment, but in my eyes and this worked on me when i had the same issues, my parents started busting my butt, and discipline like crazy, it worked, counseling will not work it will just make her angrier and meds are only going to cover up the problem, sit down with your daughter, set boundaries, and if she does not want to follow she will have to pay the consequences. Also when i was her age and done things like this my adopted dad would wrap my arms around myself and put me on the ground and hold me that way until i stopped throwing my tantrum. you have to sit on her, and put as much force into her as possible and this is not child abuse my parents confronted an officer about this when i was younger.. i hope this helps you. if you have any other questions or a response to me, contact me at
[email protected] :)

twinkiedooter · Feb 7, 2009, 04:24 PM

Who prescribed Zoloft for her? She is obviously having a psychological problem from this medicine. Take her off that and get counseling.

jessebearz · Feb 8, 2009, 03:17 AM

OK this is like looking back at myself at 14! Every little bit and more!. I would do the same things, and I would never mean it after and sometimes I would not even remember it at all!! It would be anything from punching, kicking, bitting, drawing on walls once, to you name it, I would refuse to talk to a counceller, I would sit there and stare at the wall the whole time and not even make eye contact let alone say anything! I got so bad that I put myself in foster care because I didn't want to "live with mums rules" anyway, by the end of it I was eventuly was found to have bi-polor dissorder, and was also put on every thing from zoloft to lexapro and all between, finally they found one that works very well for me and it feels like I'm not living on edge and freaking out all the time, the only thing I can really say is get her medication reviewd, good luck, and if you want to know anymore about it my email/msn is [email protected]