[Jenisi]

READ NEXT PARAGRAPH BEFORE ASASSINATING ME FOR MY TITLE!

Okay okay hold your horses. Now before you ready your keyboards to smash me in the face through your PC screen, this is an issue of my own, its MY fault for thinking this way and for where I am mentally at the moment, and I'm only posting here for advice.

I will try to make this as short as possible. I am 26 years old.

Due to moving around the world very frequently and my bad eating habits, I found myself 25 years old, 143 kilos, unable to attract any women around me, and a victim to frequent depression. I had not had the feeling of receiving attraction from any woman, and I still had not had my first kiss. Yes, I could have done more for myself, but its never too late to start trying, so I decided to have a Sleeve Operation (stomach section removal), and I stood a thin guy 6 months down the line.

I meet a girl I used to know in my home country about 7-8 years ago, and we start texting. The texting starts as fun and before I know it turns flirty and sexual. We meet up again after 2 weeks, and although advised by my friends to hide my past, I say to myself "what if she could understand me?". I tell her face to face that yeah I was always insecure about my weight and it actually hurt that I had never had my first kiss yet. Things moved on, we had our first kiss that night and got to second base. I saw her 3 more times after that. Communication was there but I felt she was losing interest. She asked me if I was sure I wanted to have sex with her, reason being; 1: It would have felt rushed, 2: She studied in a city 5 hours away. Nevertheless, I was in love already and wanted to make it work. I offered to go see her every week and do my best to commit. She wanted a 1 week stand before moving away.

She basically cut it off 2 minutes into sex saying she feels too guilty. My insecurity takes over, me telling myself I didn't do too well to satisfy her in those 2 minutes, and her telling me everything would be all right and holding my hand plus rubbing my back while I'm driving her home. She never wanted to meet up after that. I never saw her again, and the text messaging died. (We were together a total of 5-6 days).

Now 6 months down the line I meet a second woman. The sparks fly and everything seems great, were insanely turned on by each other (I can feel she is), fingers crossed my senses are sharp there. We meet up twice a week, she is 22 and works a lot of hours, thus we have limited time. She WANTS to have sex from what she explains and judging our late night calls/flirting, but when a chance comes there's always a problem, either she hasn't told her parents she will be home so late and doesn't want them to have to call her (its usually this reason) or other reasons where I feel that "If I had more experience maybe I could have managed".

Yeah, I've got a complex. Every time I get heavily depressed when I go back home, and I don't know what to do about it. The one night it hit me while she was in the car, and after nagging me, I told her its because of me not being with another girl for 3-4 years since I was fat, insecure, and worked a lot of hours in my previous country.

I feel like I want to tell her the truth. The pain I felt when I saw young couples in their springtime of romance was heavy and the type that sunders your soul. Yeah, good for them, I was happy for them, but not for myself. I want to tell her I am a virgin still but I am afraid she will lose interest in me or see me as a jackass. All my friends tell me not to and play it cool, but even they are surprised as to why I get depressed when I find out "tonight = no sex again".

I do not blame this girl. If you prefer yes I blame myself, and I KNOW 1 month is too soon, but why am I feeling this? What can I do to work on it? I got a psychiatric prescription back then with the first girl I ever had my first kiss with, and it didn't help with the depression, so I stopped taking the medication (light medication, nothing heavy).

Thank you for your time. To those people with much more serious problems than this one, be strong, love with all your heart and best of luck with your issues. Sorry if I have offended you with this not so serious problem I just posted.

[Jenisi]

Ah about the first girl, sorry, she never admitted to wanting a 1 week stand, although I suspect that mostly, she was open to something like a long distant relationship every time we spoke but suddenly became "unavailable" after that night. Maybe it was the fact that I had too few experiences with women, or maybe I didn't satisfy her, I don't know...

[novak]

Hey mate, don't be scared to admit your feelings to a woman.
It she likes you, like your vibe says, then if she doesn't like what you are saying and goes all weird then that Is her problem. She will like you for you and if she is serious about you it won't even matter, who knows maybe it might be extra special for her.
And hey, if you do get to there ask her what feels nice, how she wants to do it and listen. The best thing you can do is listen.
Your not insecure any more, you have enough courage to come on here and ask for advice, admit that you're a virgin and seem like a genuine guy.
I'm sure she will be OK with it, and if not wait for some one else who is, that way you can have a night to remember.

[Fr_Chuck]

Get counseling, you want to blame everything on something or someone. Issue is, no matter how heavy or skinny, how ugly you are ( not saying you are) they all find love and sex with the right partner. Go to Funny Pictures at WalMart and just look at the people who have no trouble finding partners.

[JudyKayTee]

I think you are too concerned with the physical aspect of a relationship. I see nothing about caring for a person, loving a person, and then moving into a sexual relationship.

Maybe you are meeting women who would rather be in a relationship than have a quick fling.

[Cat1864]

You're right. It is too soon.

You may be attracted to each other, but you aren't ready for anything more, yet.

Spend some more time just getting to know each other. Have fun together without expecting it to end in sex. Work on the non-sexual part of being intimate. Work on communicating with each other and sharing thoughts, dreams, likes, dislikes, etc.

There is absolutely no need to rush into sex or make it the main focus of your very new relationship.

You might consider going back into therapy. It may be time to try meds again or a different type. Remember that getting better takes time and both therapy and meds are not over-night fixes. Actually they often need tweaking to find the best method and proper dosing suitable for you.

What do you do that encourages you to feel good about yourself? Building relationships with others is easier when you have a good relationship with yourself.

With the first female, when say sex lasted two minutes, did you mean being naked together and foreplay or did penetration (even just a little) occur? If you put the head of your penis in her vagina for even a second, you are technically not a virgin any more. Maybe not experienced, but sounds like you may not be a virgin.