[toddcandi]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now.
We both are after the same thing- a serious relationship.
It was real hard at first, I came in when his son was about 7. His son hated me:
He used to say things like "I wish she would burn alive"
When we would practice the throwing knives, he'd throw when I was around the board picking up.
He would kick the sit constantly when he'd sit behind me in the truck.
He would say its time to go back to moms as soon as we picked him up

Now we are very close, I love him as if he were my own, and sometimes he refers to me as his other mom.

That, though, caused a lot of problems in my boyfriends and I's relationship- which then I thought was the only problem, but now its different.

We get along fairly well, there's things we don't agree on, I hate it when he plays his gory video games, or when he'd sit on the couch all day (on weekends) and watch his same 5 shows, instead of going for walks or something sometime. And I'm trying to get into if for him, but his gun love is another hang up. Other than that there isn't a whole lot we have issues with.

Except the sex... We make love about once a month (not enough if you ask me but he seems rather fine with it). When I ask him about it he says its not me. I used to think it was his tramadol but he's been coming off that for probably 4-6 months now. He can't tell me what the issue is. And when we do make love, its always the same, starts the same, same position same everything. He won't try anything new, no new positions, he won't try letting me know he's enjoying it, nothing.

I asked him if he would consider seeing a doc about it and he said he would but if I try seeing when he would he won't answer me (he has a HUGE habit of saying whatever he thinks will end the conversation and I have a feeling this might be one of the times.)

I've been thinking about us and I'm not sure how I feel about us.

We just took over his dads auto repair business, I'm the bookkeeper, and I'm liking it, so is he. He decided to pay me $500/month under the table until things pick up so we are stable with the business. Which is fine, cause I will still be getting money in the bank and get a start on earning credit. But its been 3 months now and I haven't been paid once. He paid for a pair of shoes for me and we agreed to take it out of my pay, 2 months ago, but that's it.

Anyway I am not sure how happy I am, just when I think maybe I should give up here, he makes me feel those wonderful feelings again and I don't want to leave. I love his son like he's my own and don't want to leave him, (or take him with me, but I know I can't do that). We just moved into a great home and we're both happy here, and I feel like we have potential. We've come such a long way so I have a hard time just giving up. We've broken up 4 times, and get back together in about less than a month each time and things are always great after that for a while.
What's up here? I love him, I feel he loves me. He cuddles with me like he does. But yet I'm confused...

[Homegirl 50]

You two need to have a conversation. Maybe he is under stress, I don't know but nether will you if he won't talk. Sex once a month is not cool, how old is he? Your working for nothing is not cool either.
If you are not happy you need to decide how much longer you want to stay on this roller coaster

[JudyKayTee]

Every successful relationship involves communicating. I know, it's trite, but that's how it is.

You need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you've told us. Exactly.

[Nadzo]

You need to communicate, but don't give away all the beautiful stuff u have together and u HAVE TO GET PAID

[JudyKayTee]

You need to communicate, but dont give away all the beautiful stuff u have together and u HAVE TO GET PAID

Paid for what?

[Homegirl 50]

She has been working for him for three months. He agreed she would be paid and she has not been

[JudyKayTee]

She has been working for him for three months. He agreed she would be paid and she has not been

So - reading the question would actually help me? Never saw that part.

That's the danger of working "under the table." She has no way to enforce payment.

Otherwise - I see her putting a lot of time and energy and emotion into this relationship. I don't know what he's contributing.

[Homegirl 50]

I agree on all points

[JudyKayTee]

I am also concerned that the son is troubled - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ne-644131.html and there are problems concerning custody/visitation (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parent...om-637876.html)

How does that impact on the relationship?

[Homegirl 50]

This is all a big mess. Seems like some counseling needs to be had by all.

[neronplat]

In terms of the video games, let the man be, that's his outlet for stress or any problems he may be having big or small so just let that lie. In terms of the sex, tell him to man up, like seriously, he's a man, there has to be some sort of urge left in his head, just try and draw it out. It terms of the money he has not paid you. If he still isn't improving after a good long talk on the matter, find something that he relies mostly or solely on you for and either stop doing it as much or stop it altogether, then before he gets angry or whatever tell him that is how you feel when he doesn't give you the money. Hopefully that will open his eyes to what he is doing.
Good Luck!

[JudyKayTee]

In terms of the video games, let the man be, thats his outlet for stress or any problems he may be having big or small so just let that lie. In terms of the sex, tell him to man up, like seriously, hes a man, there has to be some sort of urge left in his head, just try and draw it out. It terms of the money he has not payed you. If he still isn't improving after a good long talk on the matter, find something that he relies mostly or solely on you for and either stop doing it as much or stop it alltogether, then before he gets angry or whatever tell him that is how you feel when he doesnt give you the money. Hopefully that will open his eyes to what he is doing.
Good Luck!

I don't agree - this is playing games within a relationship. Bad idea for adults.

[Homegirl 50]

Adults should be past game playing. When you have problems you communicate and deal with them. If that does not work, you leave!

[Rosequeen1]

You need to talk to him.