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flagdog · Mar 17, 2012, 08:49 AM

I was married for 25 years, had an affair because my marriage was miserable. We got caught and my wife and I divorced. I remained friends with the woman I had an affair with and she got a divorce later. In the mean time I met another woman and was in a relationship with her and she didn't want me to be friends with the woman I had an affair with because she felt threatened. I told her we are just friends now but she says she couldn't trust me around her. I stayed distant from the woman I had an affair with because I cared about her feelings.

We broke up for after 3 years and I saw my friend again , we hooked up a couple of times , just to have good sex. I told her the affair was wrong and what we were doing is wrong. She still wants me but I told he I am just her friend. I started seeing another person about a month ago and told her everything about me and my relationships and she doesn't want me to have anything to do with the woman I had an affair with even though I told her we were just friends. She feels threatened and she told me to choose the affair woman or her. Am I right to hold my ground or should I cut the relationship with my friend I had an affair with?

Jake2008 · Mar 17, 2012, 08:56 AM

I would personally let the woman that has been involved with you, while you were married, and after you were divorced, and during at least one other relationship after that, go.

You can't have it both ways. If you are truly interested in this new woman, and making a relationship work, let the 'friend' go. Develop friendships that involve other couples, to include her. Not to say you can't have friendships with other women, but I can honestly say that any male friends of mine, I've never slept with.

That keeps both relationships, and friendships, where they belong.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 17, 2012, 11:15 AM

Cut the relationship. She is not just a friend if she still wants you.
If you are trying to start a relationship with another woman, you don't need this distraction

Fr_Chuck · Mar 17, 2012, 11:18 AM

You are wrong, you should not still be friends with the women you were cheating with, not only cheating but both were married.

To be honest your current wife is a lot nicer than she should be, she should have left you the minute you did not agree to stop being and talking with the ex lover.

talaniman · Mar 18, 2012, 08:17 AM

You have already brought past poison into a new relationship, and if you keep insisting on keeping past lovers as friends, then the poison will only grow. She would be foolish to trust you no matter what you do or say any way.

You have only been with this current female a month and already there are trust issues? My friend you need controlling, because its obvious there is no self control by you! It also is obvious that you have a very low regard of your partners, and will always put your own wants far above what's fair.

So it matters very little what ever any partner says or does, or demands, because your options are always open, it doesn't seem to matter whether its fair, or above board. Probably never will.