[gagne]

This is a long story and I have never been in so much pain...

She is originally from Romanian and our first ever conversations was on the day that she randomly added me on Facebook, this was before we were enrolled to Imperial. She told me a lot of trivial facts about herself and mentioned that her boyfriend goes to imperial (he's currently a third year chemist and is also Romanian.) That day, after mentioning to her that seven of my poems were going to get published, I emailed her a large collection of my poems; she was nice enough to read them and after reading a poem she would then ask me to explain to her the meaning behind it; I tried to explain the meaning behind the poems but I also informed her about how personal they are, and that she would need to know me extremely well to understand them. After that conversation, I didn't speak to her again until after enrollment. We didn't become friends until after she decided to e-mail me a tutorial sheet that her physical tutor gave to her, for atomic structure. She then began to e-mail me every day, but our conversations never went beyond helping each other with the MPC problem sheets. A month later as soon as she got back to her hall she would e-mail me (for example, on a lab day she would e-mail me at 5:10 PM.) It got to the point where I started to question whether she actually had a boyfriend, not only because she e-mailed me (and texted me) excessively but also because, back then, d never seen her with her boyfriend. With every academic problem she had, I was seemingly the first person she would ask for guidance.

Before coming to Imperial there was a girl I used to be obsessed with. She went to my college but I didn't start to talk to, on Facebook. I thought she was special until I met her twice, a year after we'd finished college; she was extremely rude and, in the end, she didn't deem me even good enough for a hug. One day I decided to offer a hug to the Romanian girl, in the library and she smiled after that day she herself started to offer me hugs. Even though I didn't fancy her, on the last week of last term I decided to kiss her on the cheeks, again in the library, but she reacted as if nothing happened (she also tried to avoid it by flinching.) I felt guilty for doing it, so that day I decided to make fun of the awkward moment via e-mail. It was on that same day when she texted me It worries me that I'm falling in love with you because I'm not single as well as I'd never felt this for anyone before, and why couldn't you be my brother. I took those comments as a compliment because - I myself didn't see her as anything other than a friend - but at the same time I felt very uncomfortable.

At the time I wanted to kiss someone in the cheeks/lips in order to help me forget about the other girl completely, so I asked her for a very quick kiss on the lips (I regret this so much now!) and she accepted.

On the last day of term she started to tell me what was going on with her and her boyfriend; she told me of all the bad things he did: such as breaking up with her on the day of her birthday, and many other incredibly disgusting things. A day after the end of term, her boyfriend dumped her again and because I didn't want it to ruin her Christmas I decided to ask her out (even though I still didn't love her and I didn't want her as girlfriend) and she accepted. That same day her boyfriend came crying back, and because she felt sorry for him she told me that she wants to stay with him until after Christmas, or after his exams, -and because I never wanted her to be my girlfriend in the first place I accepted. She kept on telling me that he only wants her for sex (something she doesn't want to do until marriage) so I told her to tell him that you don't want to ever do it. After she told him, he dumped her again, three days after Christmas. I decided to visit her, because I felt sorry for her (she stayed at her hall during the Christmas break, and so did her boyfriend.) After I got back home, she e-mailed me at around 1am to tell me that she feels very overwhelmed and powerless.

After coming back from church, on New Year's Day, she started crying to me that she spoke to him again and that they might get back together. I didn't really know what to say, because I was deeply confused myself. She told me that he told her that he wants to have a very important conversation with her and it was obvious that she'd already made her decision, and all I did was nod my head. I felt very hurt that day because by that time I had fully developed feelings for her (due to the fact that I told her every single thing about myself and she accepted me; I saw her as a soul mate, and she said the same thing to me.) She then told me that I was still her boyfriend which didn't make sense to me but I decided to see it through for a short amount of time. Because she got back with her boyfriend, I couldn't go ANYWHERE with her, she was scared to even walk with me in college. This put a lot of strain in both our friendship and relationship every week we would have very bad arguments, online, concerning the complication. I kept on telling her to choose either me or him, but she wouldn't choose. A month ago she used to tell me that she loves me more and that gradually changed to I love both but in different ways. She we often use this quote from Wuthering Heights as an attempt to illustrate: I am Heathcliff, apparently, but I still wasn't convinced at all. The whole situation had very bad effects on me; one moment I feel very happy, the next moment I would feel a great sensation of anger and unhappiness .Every day I would shout pick either me or him but she would refuse. Whenever she was with him she would hide it from me (because she was scared that I would get angry) and I found it ridiculous. Last week Monday, I got so mad at her that I told her not to speak to me but because she was my best friend I found it hard to cope. On Wednesday and Thursday, I e-mailed her that I missed her but apparently she didn't read it. I got so mad that I e-mailed her on Friday morning to tell her that I am going to e-mail her boyfriend to tell him about me (because she had been hiding me from him.) She then called me five minutes later, crying to me not to: she told me that it would be very bad; it would make both him very ill; she would never be with me and that I was doing it for revenge. I got very, very fed up and e-mailed him anyway. She told me via this email:

He was on the verge of finding out about you today. He randomly took my lebara phone while I was writing something and he was bored, pressed the side button and found the message I've sent you a very little while ago, the one in which I was saying how exhausted I feel. My phone is constructed in such a way that shows only the ending of the message, so he didn't see where it was sent to. He also didn't read the beginning, in which, as far as I remember, I was saying that I love you. He barely picked up a few words, including "exhausted" and "cry", and I rapidly took the phone away and turned it off. Of course he figured everything... He stayed with me and insisted for like an hour to show him, crying, saying that I'm not telling him everything, assuming I'm seeing someone else, correctly guessing that that was the reason why I was spending so little time with him and why I dumped him during the holidays. What could I do? I just enhanced his guesses by saying nothing. I'd never tell him about you, it would have very bad consequences. I said that that message was not sent to anyone, but I feel scared, empty and lost and deep down I am and will always be very very very very depressed. No one in the world is like you and you know it (( and you're not there anymore.

After telling her that I had sent an e-mail to him, she started to tell me that she hates me with all of her heart, that she'll NEVER talk to me again and that m very despicable(this is the same person who used to tell me that she loves me unconditionally(!) She even said so five days before the incident.) She started to throw cuss worse at me a lot (which made me to cuss her back.) Her boyfriend dumped her that day, she told me that the relationship is over between them and nothing can be repaired. She then told me that she loves him, and hates me extraordinarily- and that being with me was a big mistake (this is the same person that told me that going back to her boyfriend was the worst mistake of her life on the day she went back to him.) She then told me that she ripped up the card that I gave to her as well as the anthology (filled with 7 very personal poems of mine; she knows the meaning behind each of them.) I kept trying to call her that day but she didn't pick up. I tried several times on Saturday, but again, she didn't pick up.

Because I felt deeply sorry for her, I decided to e-mail the boyfriend again, but this time around I twisted the previous e-mail; I made it seem like our relationship was only an online one, I begged him to take her back, I told him how much she loves him (because she always tells me that she feels like a mother and a protector for him; that she loves him like she loves her dad.) I told him to forgive her just like how she always forgave him. I then showed her the email that I sent. She then e-mailed me back, telling that she's not sure if she hates me but she appreciates having her boyfriend back (she saw it as him loving her as much as she does, even though it was because I begged him to take her back and twisted the truth.) I then called her and asked her again if she still hates me, she said I haven't decided yet I then asked her if she still loved me and she gave me a cold no. I then e-mailed her and told her that I saw her as a best friend, sister, mother, mentor and lover and that I'm in great pain. I saw her as everything.

She replied with just leave me alone, if you're wise you would leave me. She also told me how do you expect me to like you when you act like that, by testing me every day. This really hurt because I only ever tested her once, every other time I was simply being controlled by my emotions. I then told her that I would be very, very alone (at least she has her boyfriend) in which she replied You were alone before�.
Everything ended after that. I have deleted everything her texts, her e-mails, her messages on Skype, her phone numbers and pictures I even threw away the presents she gave me. It makes me laugh that there was such a time when she used to tell me things like: I want to know you very deeply and understand your poems completely and It breaks my heart to be in love with you while being with my boyfriend.

I e-mailed and called her again, four days later and her replies were anything but nice

I don't love you, bye. I almost hate you. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. My relationship with her boyfriend is okay. I love him. Now goooooooooooooooooooo.

I can't even leave the computer and then I get bombarded with your messages? I told you, STOP, STOP, STOP, I am not speaking to you, you are doing nothing but annoying me and making me hate you even more! I hate the way you act and I care nothing about your "anger" and blah blah. I also hate with all my heart what you did, sending the message and then immediately apologizing and trying to repair things? WHAAT? At that point I had already made the decision not to mess up with you ever again, and I honestly don't know why I thought I loved you unconditionally. I'm saying it for the billionth time, I am not going to! I am going to love my boyfriend and appreciate his love and never ever do bad things to him again. I had enough respect for you not to reveal him your name, and when I saw your latest message, sent with your real name, in my inbox, whilst being with him pretending to work, I was about to freeze! STOP IT! When you told me to stop, I did it, I didn't bombard you! STOP IT FOR GOOD and GOODBYE FOREVER! Stop complaining about not having friends, you require way too much from a friend! You actually have loads, you just don't deem them as friends.

I see you as a big, big, big threaten to my relationship and I'm already disgusted with the way you acted and I'm not forgiving that, plus, I'm not like you, immediately changing my mind. I'm VERY sure about what I'm saying.

I did tell her how much I cared about her BEFORE she sent me those e-mails.
Ohhh, and even more e-mails:

Oh, and I think I've suggested it before, I detest the way you ask dozens of questions without being able to feel the answers and feel the situations without bombarding with your stupid questions!

People do big mistakes and I did that. I was fool enough to fool myself. I failed, noticed how much you like the word. I love my boyfriend and I realized it more than ever! Stop asking questions and go!

It's the fact that you don't understand that I am referring to! GET THE HELL MY MESSAGE, I DON'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH YOU ANYMORE, GO AND LEAVE ME!

****, you are horrible! Asking stupid questions again! Stop messaging me, contacting me, stop interfering with me in any way, stop thinking about me, STOP IT! It's a goodbye forever!

37 missed calls AGAIN? That's ridiculous! And I was stupid enough not to put the phone on silent, so that my roommates think now that some mysterious person isn't living me in peace. Stop for good calling me and messaging me and sending me voice messages that I've told you dozens of times that I can't even listen to due to my stupid phone, go and live your life and stop relating to myself!

Oh, and don't let me forget about the absolutely hate able way you cite from me, you keep my messages and then show to people, yet another reason to be very very determined and more than 100% sure about what I've told you!

It has been over a week now (and I haven't so much as called her) but since then she has been wearing a lot of new clothes and accessories (especially handbags!) to lectures. She puts on as much makeup as possible, and wears a new bag each day (before we became best friends she used to dress very plainly.) Last Friday, as I was walking towards the building (where the Chemistry lecture theatre is), I saw her standing between the library and the building (I hardly EVER see her around that area.) And as I was about to approach where she was (in order to enter the lecture theatre with my fellow tutees) she immediately jumped towards her boyfriend I didn't even notice him until she did this) and smothered him with kisses. It was like she was trying to get my attention (trying to make me jealous) which is pretty silly considering she was shouting at me to leave her alone. It's possible that the boyfriend made her do this just so that she can regain his trust or as an attempt to hurt me (which it didn't.) At first I was greatly disgusted but after thinking about it for a while it's kind of funny (and childish.)

[talaniman]

Nice story, after MUCH editing (sorry), I hope you chalk it up as a bad freaky experience, and leave this female alone to enjoy her relationship. DUDE, never get involved with some one that's already involved. You save a lot of drama and frustration that way.

[gagne]

Sorry, I wrote that 2000 word summery quite quickly, to simply vent out my frustrations :p
I didn't want things to go as far as they did at all. I asked her out when he dumped her (because she told me she didn't want to be with him anymore.) Now she 'hates me.'

[talaniman]

So what? Let her, just leave her alone. Woman are like that sometimes. Love you today, hate you tomorrow. All a guy can do is keep it moving forward.