[alittleangry]

My girlfriend of a little over 1 and a half years was raped 3 years ago when she was a freshman in high school. She is now 18 and I am 17. When we first started going out, she broke up with me a month after we started dating. We eventually got back together when she told me she left me because she was starting to have serious feelings for me and was scared. 2 weeks after that I convinced her to tell me why she was scared. She told me that she went to a party when she was a freshman and was almost raped by a guy one of her friends had told her about. I learned about 3 months after we were going out that she had known this guy for a few months before he almost raped her.

She had horrible flashbacks to the night she was almost raped, but despite that, we loved each other, and we first had sex when we were 4 months into our relationship. I didn't pressure her (at least not intentionally) and it was her decision, because she wanted to be my first and I wanted to be her first. I learned a year after we were going out that the guy who almost raped her... Basically made her his ***** during the months they knew each other. He would hook her up with his friends and she would do sexual acts for them, sometimes they gave her cash, but she did it for free. She said she had never actually gone all the way.

By this time her flashbacks were almost gone, and they were controllable. I felt.. Disconcerted that she hadn't told me that she was with other guys before me, even though she hadn't actually gone all the way. That was in the past though, so I accepted her anyway, because we both love each other and want to get married. A few days ago I learned that she had actually been raped by him, and repressed the memory of actually being raped by covering it up and changing it so she thought she was almost raped. I don't know what to do. I told her that I love her, and it doesn't change anything, and that I've stuck around this long, why would I leave... But I didn't tell her that I'm having issues. I can't see her or think about her without thinking about the fact that she was violated. All of what was "in the past" was actually leaking into the present. I want revenge for her rape, but she doesn't know his number, location, or even if his name was actually his real name. She can't report him.

I told her that her virginity can't be taken but only given, and that she didn't give it to him, because she was extremely upset... But I don't even know if I believe that myself. I feel cheated, like she took my virginity but I can't have hers. I'm furious, not at her, but at this guy. Every time I am with her I get angry, and I have to hide it. I don't want to confront her and tell her because she will get extremely upset. I have had sex with her after she told me she was raped, and we always call it making love... But it didn't feel the same. I love her, and I want the feelings I am having to go away, and I want things to go back to how they were, but that obviously will not happen. What can I do to find peace within myself?

[mmresd]

You learn to control your mind. It may take some time, something like this is not easy to overcome, but not impossible. Everyone makes mistakes, the guy, our girlfriend, and yourself. Just make the choice of not thinking about it, try to focus more on the future and don't end up shooting yourself in the foot over something that happened in the past.

[talaniman]

How about put her needs before yours, and understanding instead of anger. You cannot change the past, so deal with the now, in a positive mature way. Control your anger, and be a good boyfriend to a good girlfriend.

No more talk of revenge, as that adds to the memories, and makes it worse. No talk at all about those feelings or issues. Work them out on your own! Don't make her regret confiding in you.

[PokeXpert]

http://www.ehow.com/how_5518453_rid-bad-thoughts.html This article will help a lot, and what the person said above me is right, put the thoughts aside, and think of HER.