[neha123]

Its been 4 years from my abortion. Now I am getting married to a different person. He thinks I am a virgin and is very sensitive regarding this issue. I am afraid if I tell him my truth, I will lose him. At the same time I am also afraid if he knows about this on our first night or else at the time of pregnancy. Kindly guide me, I want to know if he can find out this or not?

[mamaof2boys]

The only way to fix this is to tell the truth. It will come out at some point, the truth always does, and if you've kept it from him going into marriage it will only be worse. I'm sure he will be mad that you've lied to him, and maybe you will lose him. But if you don't come clean now it will be much worse when the truth does come out. What has happened before you were together shouldn't matter, but telling someone you're a virgin when your not is not fair to him. Is he a virgin?

[Fr_Chuck]

How many people know, friends, family and more? I see no way it can be a secret.

What if after 2 years of marriage he finds out, how bad will it be then, he will truly think you have lied to him.

You need to tell him, should have been honest up front. Yes you may loose him, but that is ( sorry) your own fault for not being honest with him to start.

[ANGIE4124]

I can understand wanting to keep an abortion private, but your virginity? Unless he is ridiculously dense about the female anatomy and you can find your virginity where you lost it before your wedding night; Id say you are starting your marriage on a falsehood and your chances of him not finding out are slimmer than an elephant going through a keyhole!

However, if he is sensitive in every aspect of the word, he may accept that it is a difficult uneasy subject for a woman to reveal. And it is out of fear, and judgement that you have not disclosed this to him sooner, but out of respect you will speak the truth and set yourself free from this burden.

[Alty]

I don't understand why being a virgin is so important to him, unless this is a religious belief. But, since you did tell him that you're a virgin, when you're obviously not, he would have every right to be upset about this lie.

The thing is, you're planning on marrying this man, making a life with him. How can you expect to have a successful marriage that's built on a lie, even if he doesn't realize that you lied about being a virgin, you know the truth, and he has the right to know.

If you had told him this from the beginning he may have accepted it and dated you anyway. But you were never honest. Now's the time to be honest, to give him the chance to make a decision based on the facts, and not on lies.

Hopefully the two of you can work it out, but you do have to tell him, no matter what the consequences.