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buckeyes01 · Feb 17, 2007, 06:56 AM

Has anyone ever heard of this? I was reading about how often the person in the relationship with this issue will come up with reasons as to why you shouldn't be together. However, they don't give you a reason. My boyfriend of almost two years did this my guess is because of two bad past experiences where he got burned. Just about everything regarding this phobia fit his description. Is it worth having hope to see if he realizes what he is missing. In his words, no one has ever treated him this way before.? HELP! I am having the worst time. He plays so many mind games (another characteristic).

serenitynow422 · Feb 17, 2007, 08:10 PM

I dated a guy exactly like that. Trust me it didn't end well. He made me realize that I can't change a person... they have to change themselves. If he truly wants to be with you... and he truly wants your relationship... and your love. HE has to make the change. Don't do what I did and sit around and take it. Only more pain will come. Remember that he has to make the change because its HIS problem, not yours.

buckeyes01 · Feb 17, 2007, 09:01 PM

Did he ever come around again? How did your story end? I am so sick of his little mind games but am thinking I could be the right one to help him change. His father even said something about him needing counseling. I think the bug is in his ear!

serenitynow422 · Feb 17, 2007, 10:56 PM

We all want to be the one to help them change. Usually we end up as the ones getting hurt. Counsellors tell you what you already know... they just fish around in your feelings and find other ways to say it. You need to confront him and tell him how you feel. When he knows that then maybe change will come. My ex did come around but way after I fell in love with the guy I'm currently dating now... and well he was sort of like a two headed jackle one head that was cute and one head that could make you cry in a second. He ended up breaking up with me after he said he just didn't want to be with me.

buckeyes01 · Feb 18, 2007, 06:40 AM

I still have a couple of things that I have to get over to him. Do I take them sooner or later? I was trying to play a game with myself to see who called who first? Should I wait until he calls me again? He still wants to be friends, but I want so much more. I would rather just put everything behind me if it is not meant to work out. Should I talk to him some more while I am over there or just drop the stuff off and go?

rol · Feb 18, 2007, 06:54 AM

<<but am thinking I could be the right one to help him change.>>

Unfortunately you cannot make anyone change , he needs to realise this by himself.

Do not be friends with him, go into no contact now and don't contact him at all. Let him feel the void

talaniman · Feb 18, 2007, 12:32 PM

If A person has baggage he needs to deal with that's their problem, not yours. Leave them alone to deal with their own issues

Nosnosna · Feb 18, 2007, 12:42 PM

As for the things you need to return to him... ask a friend to drop them off for you, as soon as possible. Returning his stuff is like contact.

Wait for him to call you, but wait a good long time before answering... you can't have significant personal growth in a week. A couple of months minimum... otherwise, getting back in contact will undo most of the work he's done on himself in your absence.

Also, to add to what Talaniman says... resist the temptation to try to be the one to help him. The role you want is friend and companion, not therapist, and combining those two is a recipe for trouble.