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rockhound1 · Feb 16, 2007, 04:46 PM

I don't know who to ask so ill try here...

My ex brother-in-law has 3 kids 16 14 13 and a drinking problem (so I think)
The middle child has been sneaking out at night walking to some boys house crawling into his window and comes home just before B-I-L has to get up for work ! He's so drunk and passed out he doesn't know what's going on. She's not the only problem his son 16 has a girlfriend that's 19 and they've been spending the night together since he's been 14 ! Once again "they know he'll drink himself into oblivion" and never know .
The youngest child has not shown signs of these kinds of actions Yet ! But I imagine it won't be long before she does.

I thought of calling the state. My sister has called before and everything calmed down for awhile ( he has full custody ) ugh ! Yes she's screwed up too !
His drinking seems to be a big part of this problem. Talking to him about quitting is useless. There are other things the kids have done but I don't think it's their fault I think it's lack of supervision and having a clear head.

What advice can you give ? I'm thinking of the state but I don't want the kids to be taken away even though it may be for the best I'm afraid to make that call

shygrneyzs · Feb 16, 2007, 05:31 PM

What further harm can be done if you call protective services? The children removed from the home? I do not see a problem with that. The two oldest children are already well on the wrong path, do not wait until the youngest gets going down that way too.

Foster care - yes they are many horror stories and there are many good stories - foster care is not the end of the world. Foster care can instill some limits on the children, give responsibilities, address behaviors, and provide stability. Maybe, just maybe it would be the wake up call for the Father. He would have to do something or lose the children.

I would call. If the Dad got mad at me, so what? If the children got mad at me, again, so what? They need some brakes put on their behavior and are incapable of self discipline.

rockhound1 · Feb 19, 2007, 08:34 AM

Thank you for your toughts on the subject

I guess there's no other option hopefully it will snap him out of it bigtime
My "good sister" and I have taken the first step and called I guess that's it I don't know what will happen It can only get better for the kids I hope gulp!

shygrneyzs · Feb 21, 2007, 06:47 AM

It will be rough on the two older children - because their behavior will not be tolerated. But hopefully they will come around to seeing that limits are set for their own protection.

The court will mandate what has to happen for the Dad to get his children back. Maybe this will be his "hitting bottom". It sure would be for me.

Best of all to you and your sister and this whole situation. May it all work out for the good.

valinors_sorrow · Feb 21, 2007, 06:56 AM

I am all for making calls to protect kids from harm. Just be prepared for the state to do very little as that is sometimes the case, shocking as that will be. I can did up several threads here about similar situations that have frustrated family members to no end. Resources for this kind of problem tends to be stretched too tight in most places from what I have seen which is how private solution comes into play. There may be more profit in mounting a private effort to wrestle the kids from him but that means lawyers and money and then the ongoing obligation to care for the kids, if that is even possible.

This is how dysfunctinal gets handed down through the generations. It is sad. I have to ask: has anyone approached him about his drinking?