[Marissa17]

So I had a bad day today in school today. With my teachers doing virtually nothing the day before February vacation, I found myself with a lot of free time doing a lot of negative thinking. I had my first period class with my ex and I saw that he had written his plans with his girlfriend for the next week in his planner. I wasn’t purposely looking because I honestly didn’t want to know what he was up to but I happened to see it when we were passing back papers. This made me really upset but I know in the back of my mind that it should be no surprise, of course he’s going to hang out with his new girlfriend. I shouldn’t even refer to her as “new” anymore because it’s been almost three months since he asked her out and the break he had asked for with me officially ended. I took this as a major wake-up call because I feel like all this time I’ve been trying to focus on other things and hang out with my friends, I’ve been merely avoiding the reality of this rather than accepting it. Everyone preaches that when you go through a breakup you’re supposed to throw yourself into the various other aspects of your life and time heals everything. I’m sure time is a great healer but I think I’ve been prolonging the pain and requiring unnecessary time because I’ve been hiding from this new relationship of his without even realizing it. I had false hope for a while and now that I’m seeing that his new relationship is more than a rebound, I feel like I’m back at square one and it actually hurts more than it first did when I learned of it on Thanksgiving.
I’m trying to create my own closure but I don’t know how. I’ll never know if he planned on truly breaking things off with me while pursuing this new girl because my friend got to me to tell me he had asked this girl (who is also my friend that I am speaking of’s sister) out minutes after it happened. He told her he was planning on telling me later that weekend so it wouldn’t ruin my Thanksgiving. Granted, if he really wanted to be smart about it he should have told me beforehand, not after the fact. So if he was telling the truth and really was going to talk to me about it, I’m left wondering what he might have said because I think it would have answered a lot of uncertainties. Since the damage had already been done when I found out through someone else and I obviously didn’t want to talk to him for a while, he kept his distance and the issue has yet to come up. He is a good guy at heart, I’m not trying to make excuses, but I think the way he handled things is the way he thought would be easiest for me, though he was very wrong. If the opportunity to talk about this were to come up again, should I take it? There’s still so much tension between us when we’re forced to be in the same room, it’s a big underlying issue. I think talking about it with him would help me towards accepting what has happened rather than just avoiding it. The only thing I want to know is what exactly he would have told me had he had the chance to tell me of his new love interest before my friend got to me. Our relationship was much more than the average high school one. I don’t have any major regrets from the two years we were together, and I know I’ve done more than enough to make up for my mistakes since it was my first true relationship. We simply weren’t able to see each other much over the summer and he eventually stopped opening up to me and then suggested we be friends for a little while when we got back to school…there was no fighting, no hard feelings, I never thought that a break would turn into this.

If you took the time to read all that then thank you. I could go on writing forever. It’s just that I still find this situation overwhelming and more and more often I feel like I’m not capable of handling it on my own. I never in a million years thought I’d say this but I’m considering seeking counseling and I’m wondering how I should approach my parents about it, because they’d never expect me to get so hung up over a boy but it’s seriously starting to interfere with my life and put a damper on everything.

[ForeverZero]

Check your private mail.

[valinors_sorrow]

You can simply ask your folks if they can arrange for you to talk to someone and that you would prefer that they not press you too hard about the topic. If they insist on knowing you can say its over some difficult unresolved feelings you have about this relationship. It can seem at first glance like you may be taking it too seriously for the kind of high school learning situation it is. If your parents try to minimize it in that fashion please impress upon them that its affecting you in ways that you would like to stop. I believe you when you say you are seriously hurting and not getting any relief-- that is a little alarming. You are wise to seek help. You deserve some relief and I hope your parents facilitate you seeing someone for a while. Keep us posted, Marissa. ((hug))

[talaniman]

Writing was wise, and wanting to get help is excellent and if your parents can't help, an older female you respect can also give you insights. Some of us take longer than others to get it, but you sound like you will. Chin up and talk to your folks.